Dear You

Dear you,

I’m sorry things ended the way they did 

I know I acted cold at the end 

I will admit it did hurt me to do it 

I just needed to break away and my own space 

At the moment, all I needed was to be alone and explain to you on my own time 

I’m sorry you took it the wrong way and everything blew up 

I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t care 

I did it to protect myself and to help move on 

I did it because I was tired of you saying I was a bitch, I was disappointing, I was dirty

When in reality, all through it all, I wanted you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay 

I wanted you to hold my hand, even though we were breaking up 

But I couldn’t, I knew it would just break our hearts even more 

I’m sorry I cried in front of you, and you laughed, whether it was for a reason I believe or not 

I’m sorry rude, loathing words were said from you to me 

And I feel terrible I said rude, loathing words back

Even though the words exchanged between us were disgusting, hateful, spiteful and never said between us before

Even though the looks between us were so empty, so confused and yet so sad

I’m sorry you felt you needed to block my number and block me from social media sites

And I know I hated you for a while, they say love and hate has a fine line

 

However, despite everything that happened between us… I’m no longer bitter about it

I still think of you every day, not a day goes by that you don’t pass my mind

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the sick situation

And feel terrible about it

It was hard not being there for your birthday

It’s hard not being able to see how you’re doing

Because I wonder all the time

I wonder if you ever think of me, if you ever wonder what I’m up to

It sickens me thinking our last real conversation was us fighting

And that the last time I’ll see you was you not knowing when I dropped your stuff off on your car

It showed me how real the situation was, when I saw you throw it away in the dumpster

I’m not thinking about getting back together, because we are long past that point

But I do still love you, and you will always have a place in my heart and mind

Hopefully one day we cross paths, and we are able to talk

And that there are still no hard feelings between us

I pray that it doesn’t kill me seeing you

Because you never truly stop loving your first love

I hope you’re doing well, D

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo 

 

 

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