Today started out as just any other Sunday. I slept in late, didn’t bother to pull out my makeup, stayed in bed until almost 1 in the afternoon, cleaned my room, and have just been watching TV and relaxing. Only, below the surface of this Sunday Funday, it wasn’t the same.
Army boy deployed today. All of the things that I wanted to say to him, to ask him will remain buzzing in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to text him all of those things, and possibly ruin his weekend with his girlfriend because no doubt they were together. I couldn’t ruin their last few moments together before he leaves for nine months. My best friend though, did point out to me, that he lied. That I deserve better and he was a jerk towards me for playing me like he did. Which is all true, and I thank her for the advice. It really helped. I feel like I don’t have to bother with him, even though I do still have feelings for him and I hate to see him leave under these circumstances… I’ll be okay.
And during this Sunday, I was doing my nails like usual. Went to the bathroom to wash my hands, picked out my nail polish, and then checked my phone. I had a missed call from D, my ex. What? That took me by complete surprise. I debated about calling him back to see what he wanted, and I ended up calling. However, due to the blocking of my number, there are call restrictions. Part of me doesn’t want him to call back, or anything to do with him but part of me really wants to know why he called, and why he didn’t call again.
Is it fate that I missed that call and that he didn’t call back? Is it a sign that I need to cut off all contact with him? Maybe it wasn’t going to be a good call. But part of me still really wants to know why he called. I feel I have so much to say to him still, as you saw from my post “Dear You”. I wonder if he’ll call back, and this time I’ll wonder if I’ll answer. I could never cut him off like he’s always been able to cut me off.