Joke’s On Me

Well, well, well. 

Another one bites the dust. 

Another guy, actually, bites the dust. 

To be more specific, Country Boy. Remember him? 

I was scrolling through my social media feed and saw he uploaded a picture of him and a girl with the caption “Bonfire!” so I checked to see who the girl was, because I’m curious naturally. I thought it was his sister, since they both have the same name. Turns out, it’s not his sister. It’s a different girl who actually went to the same high school I did and has some of the same mutual friends. And in her bio, she has told me the funniest joke. 

“TWJ completes me <3. August 22, 2013” 

His initials, and what apparently looks like an anniversary date. Also, she has appeared in quite a few pictures of his on a couple different social media sites lately. I saw they even went out together. This wouldn’t bother me if he had started talking to her before our hook up, or even while we were flirting or anything to that extent. 

What bothers me is that he possibly cheated on her with me. 

Our second hook up, was the beginning of November. Our first one was right around the date of August 22, actually. 

If he had been talking to other girls during the time we had been flirting, that’s all his business, because I was talking to other guys here and there nonchalantly. We were never in any way exclusive, or interested in a relationship. But if he had a girlfriend? That’s a whole different story. 

So I texted him, and asked him straight out if he had a girlfriend during any of the time we had hooked up. I wasn’t going to beat around the bush here, and I was expecting even a lie from him saying no. Instead, I got no response. 

Seems like the joke is on me. The guy I thought I could like, and thought there was something so… attractive about him as a whole. 

The guy I thought I could respect for not wanting a relationship for being busy with school and work. Turns out he wanted a relationship, just not with me. He just wanted a hook up. 

I hope karma comes back around for him, if he did in fact have a girlfriend while we hooked up. 

 

On the bright side, happy holidays and Merry Christmas and I will catch up on all of your blogs after Christmas! Can’t wait to read about all of it! 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Circle of Life

All of these 2014 posts and end of year posts have got me inspired. 

We’re in the home stretch right now, with the last couple weeks of 2013. 

The start of my 2013 year, to be blunt with you, sucked. Actually, this time last year sucked. It was terrible. 

I was fighting with my ex every day, it was awkward, uncomfortable and you could tell a breakup was about to happen. I remember we were both miserable at the time and everything was all bad. There was something in the air that seemed so stiff all the time between us, and everybody was all tense. My best friend life was going bad, because two’s a company but three’s a crowd. My best friend K and I were getting along great, however, our third… well, that’s really for another story. Let’s just say she was like a jealous boyfriend. It was all bad. 

And can we not forget about the world “ending” on December 21st, 2012? Yeah. Look how far we’ve come from that. Hard to believe that was just last year. And would ya look at that? We’re all still here. Unfortunately. Kidding. 

Actually, there are some people that could’ve been better off gone. That may seem harsh, but you know we all have those people. 

My ex and I broke up sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. I remember because I was single on New Year’s Eve, and Christmas Eve we had a fight. He had commented on a picture of mine that I had sent to him to show him how pretty I was looking and I felt good, and he picked it apart. He had never done that before. I knew at that time, we were going to break up very quickly. 

So for the first time in years, I rung in the New Year with no kiss, miserable, single and lonely. I went home New Year’s Eve early from a family party and dyed my hair. Because all newly single girls do that, right? We all try to change ourselves in some way. Why is that? Hmmm. 

It was my first single Valentine’s day in years, also. It wasn’t too bad. At that point I was kind of happy not being in a relationship with him. We were arguing constantly, getting down each other’s throats, and everything was terrible. 

By the time my birthday rolled around, I was doing okay. A couple weeks after that, I started talking to army boy. Things were going amazing, he was amazing. I always knew there was something between us and we were talking for a couple months. 

May rolls around and I give my ex another chance, because I was weak for him. He had this type of control over me and I felt bad. I gave up army boy for him. Which, in the end, turned around and bit me in the ass. I lost out a great guy for my ex. After all the hell my ex put me through during our breakup, yet I still took him back. We were doing well, although for me I knew this was our last and final chance. It was still awkward on my end, even though he was the happiest he had ever been. I hid it for a while, and pushed the feelings aside to make him happy. 

When you’re in a committed relationship with somebody, you try to do everything you can to make them happy, and sometimes that even means yourself being miserable. We put their needs first, but then we need to realize that we matter, too. And it’s not fair to either of us to be there, if you’re not going to be fully there. Soon, I became depressed, miserable and not even happy to see him anymore. Kissing him made me sick, hanging out with him bored me, I wasn’t interested in having conversations with him and quite frankly… my heart wasn’t there anymore. I shut down emotionally and for the first time in my life, I knew I was going to break up with him. Everybody knew I was head over heels in love with him, and they all thought I was the weaker one of us two and would never do such a thing. But on July 16th, I dropped the bomb on him. 

The bomb that started World War III between us. I shut down because he wouldn’t leave me alone, and I rarely shut down on someone. He was begging me non-stop, wouldn’t let me have time to breathe or think, so I became a bitch to him, I admit. I explained to him over and over I just needed space and he wouldn’t leave me alone. This went on for weeks, then he let me breathe. And then he started talking to me again and it was arguments… actually, no, it was more of fighting. Full-blown, yelling, screaming, cussing fighting. We’ve never had a worse fight, it was the worst we had ever been. He couldn’t accept the fact I broke up with him. Things were rock bottom between us. 

And then, I suddenly bloomed. The point of us breaking up, was so I could find myself more. I had been so lost with him, always thinking of what to do that wouldn’t affect him, or make him mad. I needed time for myself. I was suffocating with him. 

For weeks, maybe even months, I couldn’t catch a break with him. Thankfully, these past few months he’s done his own thing with us talking very rarely. 

But in between July and now, I had been going left and right with guys. All of them turning out bad. I was used, lied to, cheated with, led on… so many stories in so little time. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. But I realized, I just needed to take a step back and let things go. If things weren’t going well with a guy, I learned to accept it and move on because it wasn’t right. 

But I learned, and I grew. 

I got a lot more courage, more balls, I learned to defend myself more, I learned to not take people’s bullshit that was unnecessary and I’ve blossomed and grown up more. 

Now that it’s the end of 2013, things have come full circle. I’m talking to a couple of great guys and only time will tell which one will work out. 

2013 was one of the longest years of my life, but it changed me. For good. Sure, it had it’s bad moments, weeks and months and there were struggles more than I’ve had in most years… the good over powers all that. I learned so much about myself, and friendships grew stronger, and the ones that were sour fell apart. 

I have good feelings about 2014, it’s going to be a huge, adventure packed year. It’s going to be new and exciting. I’m ready for it. I’m ready to grab the bull by the horn and ride this thing we call life. 

I’m so passionate about life. I know life moves on and things will always get better, no matter how long it takes, they will. So after the hell I went through with my ex, I’m now ready to begin a new one with somebody else. I’m moving on, and saying goodbye to 2013. 

I’m ready, let’s do this! 

2013 was good, but 2014 is going to be even better. It’s going to be a passionate, head on, dive right into it kind of year, I feel. 

I’m not really going to make a list of resolutions, but I know one thing. I want to live my life, and enjoy this new chapter of it, no matter what. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Like A Ton of Bricks

As I was sitting on the couch with School Boy tonight, conversation was flowing out. We even talked about our exes. 

Later, as I was sitting down and recapping everything that happened while he was here, it hit me like a ton of bricks. We were talking about our EXES. 

My ex. 

My EX. 

I’m moving on. I’m looking into relationships with other guys. Guys that aren’t him. It’s not just a fling or a booty call for me, these guys are actual potential boyfriends. And my ex is becoming a thing of the past. 

There’s no more running back to him. There’s no more letting him have this control over me, and me being weak for him. 

It was strange to talk about an ex with a potential boyfriend. This is a first for me. 

In a way, it felt kind of… like a weight lifted off of my shoulders, while at the same time so strange. 

Life is actually moving on and rolling. 

I had somewhat wanted to keep in touch with my ex every now and then, but I realized on Thanksgiving… he can be a douche bag and I don’t need that. I texted him 3 AM, Black Friday, to wish him a happy Thanksgiving, knowing he would be up. I had been busy with family and shopping before that, so I didn’t want to start a conversation with him while I was going to be busy. 

He responded back with “Why are you texting me this the day after?”. What the hell? I’m trying to be nice here. So I tell him I was busy, and he responds back with “Oh, okay. Well thanks I guess” or something to that effect, and I say no problem. Then he asks me what the point was of me texting him and I tell him to be nice, and that he doesn’t need to be acting like a jerk because I’m just trying to be nice. He comes back at me with “I’ll do whatever I want, thanks”. I don’t even think I answered him back. 

I don’t need that in my life. I’m not going to try to be nice to him anymore and wish him well on holidays. He can forget that if he’s going to be an asshole back. 

So really, with this whole life moving on thing? It feels good. I’m embracing it. 

I’m getting new experiences under my belt. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinatteacupp xo

Boy, Oh Boy

Boy, oh boy.

Which pretty much sums up my situation right now. “Boy, oh boy”. 

Things just got harder, if that was possible. Let’s start with Hobby Lobby Boy. 

So, Friday, I get a text from him saying he wants to see me later that night after he gets off work and I agree. So we meet up, and he gives me that amazing, tight hug that I love so much. It’s like he’s not afraid to pull me as close as possible and squeeze me, I like that. I really dig it. So as usual, we’re talking in his car because it’s freezing outside and I’m laughing my ass off because he’s just so funny. Then, we get into the backseat. And it has been a month since we started talking, so I figured why not? I gave in to him, because quite frankly… I was curious, and he does a damn good job kissing. It was not hard to pull me under… literally and figuratively. I was unsure about doing the down and dirty, because I wasn’t sure what would happen after. I’m so used to just being tossed aside after. Anyways, he was amazing. It was good, despite being in the backseat of an extremely small compact car. 

I was just so curious though. You know that saying, “once you go black, you never go back”? Yeah, that is a statement I was going to attempt to find out. I can assure you, I will be able to go back, he was amazing in more ways than one don’t get me wrong, but I could do it. After, we said goodbye because he had to go pick up his brother. And he hugs me and kisses me goodbye. Here I am thinking that I’ve taken this as an indicator that things are okay and it wasn’t just a one night/use me thing in previous situations that didn’t turn out so well, so maybe it’s not. Maybe boys just do it because they feel bad. So then I start over-thinking, naturally. And I text him. I was scared to text him, so I made it a joke and said “So, is this the part where you don’t call me or text me back? Cause ya know, I hope you do still”. I tried to keep it lighthearted, but I was really curious. He has never talked about whether he’s looking for a relationship or just a booty call, from me or in general. He responded with “don’t overthink stuff”. Which, I took as good and bad last night.

It could’ve meant, don’t over think what we have going on here because there isn’t much or it just could’ve been his way of calming me down. I decided to drop it and thanked him for the reminder. I desperately needed it because my brain was going full on female last night after he left. So I prepared myself for the worst of him not texting me back the next day. However, I texted him today and he responded, and then called me earlier tonight. Which was amazing, I couldn’t believe it at all. He was actually calling me back. Go me. There was a downside to this though. I couldn’t pick up his call. That brings me to School Boy. 

He had said he was going to try to see me this weekend. I was supposed to go to a family holiday party tonight, but I didn’t feel like being around a bunch of people 50 years plus, and some family that made me want to pull out my hair and shoot myself. I just wasn’t in the mood for it. So I stayed home, then told School Boy. He said he could come over. I was nervous like no other. I was thinking… 

Is this going to be awkward? 

Is he not going to like me? 

Is there going to be major silence? 

What are we gonna do? 

You know, the normal stuff. 

So then he shows up. It was insane to see him after all this time. It was so unreal, in a way. Still it blows my mind that we’re talking after all this time. It was a tiny bit awkward at first, gave him a little tour of the house since everybody was at the party at my other family’s house. So, he picks to sit in the living room, mind you. Not my room. Honestly? Bonus point for him. Very respectable. So, we choose to watch a movie. But, the movie was not being watched. And no, no, there was no making out or sex going on here. We were talking the ENTIRE time, for a little over two hours. There was probably a total of a minute of silence in the time him being here. We were laughing and joking and just conversing. The awkwardness and nervousness had disappeared. He even talked about if we started dating or being in a relationship, and making jokes about it, too. Something that Hobby Lobby Boy has never talked about. 

Usually, I’m honestly a shy person. With School Boy, though, we talked and it was normal. It was totally comfortable, too. As if we had hung out before. Unlike with Hobby Lobby Boy, whom I am still shy around kind of. I’m talking more and more, but with School Boy, it just flowed out. It was good. Really, really good. Also, another bonus point for not attempting anything with us being home alone. Although, I wasn’t laughing as hard with School Boy as I do with Hobby Lobby Boy. Maybe it’ll take more time to warm up to him. Who knows? 

So, then School Boy goes to leave. He goes in for a hug, and for a split second, it was an awkward hug, where he didn’t know if I was putting my arms around his shoulders, or his waist and I felt the same way. So we kind of did an arm dance for a split second, but then my arms went for the shoulders, and his went for the waist. 

And then, don’t get me wrong, I love respect, but there’s just something so sexy about a guy who will just kiss you without asking, and it’ll be natural. Like how Hobby Lobby Boy did it, he just went in for it after we hugged. So when School Boy, asked if he could kiss me, I had mixed feelings about him asking. Nevertheless, I kissed him. From the few second kiss we had, it’s hard to really judge if he’s a good kisser. Hobby Lobby Boy? Whoo. He can kiss. But School Boy, it feels so… comfortable with him. Whereas, I’m nervous around Hobby Lobby Boy. So after we kiss, he leaves. 

I’m in a pickle. 

I know I just need to keep on moving forward and seeing what happens. They’re just so different from each other and that makes it almost harder. And they’re both going so well. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

We’re All A Bit Mad.

My very best friend (in real life, as well as on the blogging world) hit it spot on.

Heartbreak Hotel

Has anyone noticed that lately, all people seem to care about is getting further in life. Not the getting further in life in the good sense but in the sense that they’re pushing everyone out of their way. Forgetting all their morals and most importantly forgetting who they are. Don’t get me wrong, some of the very best of us get lost in our own expectations. Every single person expects things one way or another and we all can get a bit lost. Yes we all do so if you’re shaking your head in disbelief, take a quick look in the mirror. We expect the very best for ourselves. Rightfully so though. We get so caught up in our messed up lives that we look at what we want or what someone has that we want and decide to take it for our own. The jealousy kicks in of what…

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Changing the World One Starbucks At a Time

There are good people in this world. 

I think we need a little bit more of them, to be honest with you. So many people out there just don’t care about anybody else and are so focused in their own little minds. 

There’s a thing called the bystander effect, where if a person is getting beaten up, or there’s a fire or crash or some type of accident, the people watching or driving by most of the time will not call it in. This is due to the fact that they always think somebody else is going to call in about it, so they don’t. Sometimes that works out, sometimes it doesn’t. 

But my personal experience with good people today is at Starbucks. I went to go order my drink and I gave the barista my card to swipe, he swiped it. Well apparently, there was nothing on my card. Which is weird because just a couple days ago there was money on it, only 13 dollars at the moment, but still. Don’t laugh. Broke college student here! Anyways, I told him nevermind and I went to sit back down. I went back up because my friend let me use some money on her gift card, and just as I was about to pay, the barista making the drink called out my order. He told me he was going to give it to me anyways, but I still ended up paying. 

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How sweet is that? I told School boy because I was so caught off guard by this act of kindness, and he says he thinks the barista has a thing for me. I don’t know if that’s true, or if it’s because I’m a regular here. Either way, whoever gives out free Starbucks deserves the award for most amazing person on the planet. Because there’s only one thing better than Starbucks. Free Starbucks. Am I right? Or am I just making myself sound even more like a white girl? Kidding. 

A couple weeks ago, on black Friday, in the morning I was coming up to my car and somebody put this note on my window. 

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It’s amazing how one little thing can brighten up somebody’s day. This world needs more people like this. People like this inspire me to do those things back. Because we never know how close somebody is to giving up on life, and just a simple little note can save them. 

I want to start doing things like this. Some people have such good hearts and they never get any credit for it. 

So, really. Thank you people for making this world a brighter place! 

Because Starbucks always makes people happy. Well, at least me anyways. 

I’m a Starbucks addict, but that’s a whole other story. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Everything I Touch

Truthfully, I’m scared. 

 

 

Nothing in my life lately has gone right for this long. And honestly, I’m scared that any moment now I’m going to mess it all up with one of the two guys I’m talking to. If I’m being honest here, there’s a part of me that’s really rooting for the guy I had a crush on in elementary school. I have yet to see him, as he’s now visiting family in another state and will be back home on Tuesday. Sometime this week hopefully we’ll see each other and all I’m praying for is to not mess anything up with him. Yes, I like Hobby Lobby boy too, and I’m going to see him tonight… but there is a huge part of me that wonders about School boy. 

Anything I ever touch usually just turns horrible. Or at least I feel that way. 

I mean, isn’t it kind of funny and strange that even after so many years (11 I think, but I’m bad at math so don’t hold me to it), School boy and I found each other and are now talking? After I had a crush on him in first or second grade.  And now here we are… flirting and talking. It’s just so crazy to me that this is happening, at the perfect timing as well. I mean, how much better could it have gotten? I messaged him three weeks before he moved back home, not knowing that that was going to take place. Something’s got to give here. 

Right? 

And then comes Hobby Lobby boy. I like him, I do. And I don’t want to hurt either one of them, but I can’t have both and truthfully at this point I don’t know who I’d pick if I had to choose. I’m just waiting and praying for School boy to come back home and I can hang out with him and see finally. 

I just really don’t want to screw it up. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo