Boy, oh boy.
Which pretty much sums up my situation right now. “Boy, oh boy”.
Things just got harder, if that was possible. Let’s start with Hobby Lobby Boy.
So, Friday, I get a text from him saying he wants to see me later that night after he gets off work and I agree. So we meet up, and he gives me that amazing, tight hug that I love so much. It’s like he’s not afraid to pull me as close as possible and squeeze me, I like that. I really dig it. So as usual, we’re talking in his car because it’s freezing outside and I’m laughing my ass off because he’s just so funny. Then, we get into the backseat. And it has been a month since we started talking, so I figured why not? I gave in to him, because quite frankly… I was curious, and he does a damn good job kissing. It was not hard to pull me under… literally and figuratively. I was unsure about doing the down and dirty, because I wasn’t sure what would happen after. I’m so used to just being tossed aside after. Anyways, he was amazing. It was good, despite being in the backseat of an extremely small compact car.
I was just so curious though. You know that saying, “once you go black, you never go back”? Yeah, that is a statement I was going to attempt to find out. I can assure you, I will be able to go back, he was amazing in more ways than one don’t get me wrong, but I could do it. After, we said goodbye because he had to go pick up his brother. And he hugs me and kisses me goodbye. Here I am thinking that I’ve taken this as an indicator that things are okay and it wasn’t just a one night/use me thing in previous situations that didn’t turn out so well, so maybe it’s not. Maybe boys just do it because they feel bad. So then I start over-thinking, naturally. And I text him. I was scared to text him, so I made it a joke and said “So, is this the part where you don’t call me or text me back? Cause ya know, I hope you do still”. I tried to keep it lighthearted, but I was really curious. He has never talked about whether he’s looking for a relationship or just a booty call, from me or in general. He responded with “don’t overthink stuff”. Which, I took as good and bad last night.
It could’ve meant, don’t over think what we have going on here because there isn’t much or it just could’ve been his way of calming me down. I decided to drop it and thanked him for the reminder. I desperately needed it because my brain was going full on female last night after he left. So I prepared myself for the worst of him not texting me back the next day. However, I texted him today and he responded, and then called me earlier tonight. Which was amazing, I couldn’t believe it at all. He was actually calling me back. Go me. There was a downside to this though. I couldn’t pick up his call. That brings me to School Boy.
He had said he was going to try to see me this weekend. I was supposed to go to a family holiday party tonight, but I didn’t feel like being around a bunch of people 50 years plus, and some family that made me want to pull out my hair and shoot myself. I just wasn’t in the mood for it. So I stayed home, then told School Boy. He said he could come over. I was nervous like no other. I was thinking…
Is this going to be awkward?
Is he not going to like me?
Is there going to be major silence?
What are we gonna do?
You know, the normal stuff.
So then he shows up. It was insane to see him after all this time. It was so unreal, in a way. Still it blows my mind that we’re talking after all this time. It was a tiny bit awkward at first, gave him a little tour of the house since everybody was at the party at my other family’s house. So, he picks to sit in the living room, mind you. Not my room. Honestly? Bonus point for him. Very respectable. So, we choose to watch a movie. But, the movie was not being watched. And no, no, there was no making out or sex going on here. We were talking the ENTIRE time, for a little over two hours. There was probably a total of a minute of silence in the time him being here. We were laughing and joking and just conversing. The awkwardness and nervousness had disappeared. He even talked about if we started dating or being in a relationship, and making jokes about it, too. Something that Hobby Lobby Boy has never talked about.
Usually, I’m honestly a shy person. With School Boy, though, we talked and it was normal. It was totally comfortable, too. As if we had hung out before. Unlike with Hobby Lobby Boy, whom I am still shy around kind of. I’m talking more and more, but with School Boy, it just flowed out. It was good. Really, really good. Also, another bonus point for not attempting anything with us being home alone. Although, I wasn’t laughing as hard with School Boy as I do with Hobby Lobby Boy. Maybe it’ll take more time to warm up to him. Who knows?
So, then School Boy goes to leave. He goes in for a hug, and for a split second, it was an awkward hug, where he didn’t know if I was putting my arms around his shoulders, or his waist and I felt the same way. So we kind of did an arm dance for a split second, but then my arms went for the shoulders, and his went for the waist.
And then, don’t get me wrong, I love respect, but there’s just something so sexy about a guy who will just kiss you without asking, and it’ll be natural. Like how Hobby Lobby Boy did it, he just went in for it after we hugged. So when School Boy, asked if he could kiss me, I had mixed feelings about him asking. Nevertheless, I kissed him. From the few second kiss we had, it’s hard to really judge if he’s a good kisser. Hobby Lobby Boy? Whoo. He can kiss. But School Boy, it feels so… comfortable with him. Whereas, I’m nervous around Hobby Lobby Boy. So after we kiss, he leaves.
I’m in a pickle.
I know I just need to keep on moving forward and seeing what happens. They’re just so different from each other and that makes it almost harder. And they’re both going so well.
With all the love in my body,