I’ve been feeling down lately with my self-esteem. That’s been so hard for me to admit, because I was doing well since my last super down day that I had, where I was close to a relapse with my eating disorder.
I keep pushing the thoughts from my head. Those little nagging, bitchy, catty thoughts critiquing every single thing that are inside my brain. As I push them aside, I try to form a smile and move on with life because I’ve learned that if you feed into these thoughts, they will come back and they will come back to suffocate you. So I try not to dwell on them for too long because that’s what could really kill you and spin you down into a spiral you can’t get out of.
We live in an ugly, ugly, ugly world. One that focuses on physical attributes more than anything else. It has this expectation of us to look a certain way.
We live in a world with bullies. Bullies start all the way from kindergarten and unfortunately, continue on like that the rest of their lives. Bullying is just amazing to me, how some people can put down other people for the way they were born. Nobody has control for the way they were born. Don’t pick on somebody for how they look or how they act. I was bullied for a few years, by my closest friends actually. I was overweight, ever since I was born. So, one of them came up with “meal plans” for me that I should be eating in order for me to fit into popular brands, so I could be like her. Abercrombie & Fitch. Hollister. Juicy. Justice (Limited 2), etc. But even if I could have fitted into those clothes, she knew I could never afford them. They also lied to me about hanging out behind my back because I was “boring”. I was too self-conscious to do anything with them, or to be outgoing, and much, much more bullying. All in 4th-7th grade.
There are plenty of people in this world who have been bullied in some way, shape or form for whatever stupid reason. It’s so sad and so absolutely ridiculous because it’s unnecessary, and that’s an understatement.
I was watching a video titled “How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World” by a makeup artist that I watch, and she made a good point. She said that when she’s walking by a girl, she’ll comment to them that she loves their hair or their dress or something like that. The reason she does this is so sweet. We don’t realize it, but chances are that’s the only positive thing that girl has heard all day. We all need some positive comments once in a while, and some of us don’t get them near enough.
Everybody has something amazing about themselves, whether you keep it hidden away or not. Whether you know it or not. But it’s there, you may not see it, but other people do if you show them.
One step is that you can’t dwell on the bad things, as I said earlier. It’s toxic and poisonous. I’m sitting here writing all of this in a big t-shirt, shorts and a messy bun on my head with no makeup. I could eat myself with thoughts about how bad I probably look, when in reality, I probably don’t look that bad. But our brains don’t work that way. Instead, I’m going to focus on the good things about myself, as you all should. I choose to focus on my eyes, they’ve always been a strong suit. A bright, twinkling blue that changes from blue to blue/green to green to almost a gray depending on my makeup and the lighting and what I’m wearing. So maybe you have a great smile, great legs, are smart, have great cleavage, pretty eyes, amazing hair, can write poetically, spit out numbers like no tomorrow, own it. Own what you’re working with!
The second step is to do something that makes you genuinely happy inside, whatever it is. When you feel happy inside, you radiate it on the outside. A happy person is the most beautiful person. When you feel happy with your surroundings and what you’re doing, you’re going to forget the bad about yourself and enjoy being in your own skin.
Do something every day that makes you happy.
If this world could stop just half the negativity, I think we’d all be in a better place.
My final piece of advice is to focus on the positive. I can’t stress enough that if you let your bad thoughts consume yourself, they will swallow you into a black hole. I know we all have our down moments and that’s okay, but just remember:
Even the stars need some darkness to shine.
You’re all beautiful and amazing people, take that to heart. Too often we forget the positive compliments and zone in to the negative ones.
We got this and can get through it together, and I’m right here by your side if you need a hand to help.
With all the love in my body,