As of lately, there have been some feelings bubbling up inside of me. Feelings that I haven’t gotten in a long time.
I’m not sure if it’s the crazy amount of Lifetime movies I’ve been watching. Don’t judge me on that, I can’t NOT watch them. They’re addicting.
Maybe it’s that I’m seriously talking to a guy that’s sparking these feelings up.
Maybe it’s something completely beneath my conscious in my sub-conscious that’s giving me this.
I’m not completely sure.
All I know is… I miss being in a relationship. You know, after my ex and I broke up I thought I would be ready to jump right into a relationship, but the more I stayed single the more I liked it. I liked the freedom of it and being able to act like a normal girl my age. I’ve grown more independent and found out more about myself than I had with my ex.
But just this past week, I’ve had these thoughts, feelings, day dreams and dreams bubbling up inside of my crazy little head.
I miss the cuddling. Where you two are intertwined with your legs, fingers and arms. There’s no pressure to talk and the buzz of a TV on. The place where you feel yourself in that stage of half awake/pure bliss because you feel so secure and comfortable. Feeling and listening to their heartbeat thump underneath your head. Your hand on their chest, gently forming shapes on their chest and softly playing with their shirt. When my hair is being played with. That really gets me, I end up like a dog having their belly rubbed. In pure heaven. That’s my weakness.
I miss the holding hands when you go anywhere. I miss having a hand holding mine whenever we go out to do errands or have a date night. Just knowing that hand is there, right next to mine, never far.
I miss the intimacy. I’m tired of one night things and short lived flings. I want to learn what a guy, my guy, likes in bed. I want to learn about him, and him learn about me. I want that connection you have that is there when it’s with somebody you like/love.
I miss the soft kisses and looks in between them. Where you can feel the passion swelling up in your stomach and heart. Where the soft kisses and looks turn into heated, hungry ones and it just feels so right. Because you know you’re theirs, and that they’re yours.
I miss the cooking together in the kitchen. Whether I’m the one cooking and my guy has his arms wrapped around my waist from behind me, or if he’s cooking and I’m behind him jokingly grabbing his ass and kissing his back. Because that’s what I do.
I miss the whispering and talking for ages. Not that my ex and I did this, because we honestly didn’t talk as much as we should have. On his part, but that’s not something I’m mad about anymore. But I can imagine how nice that would be if it happened more. The laughing, whispering, talking, sharing secrets, stories and jokes. Where you build up that connection even more. Through every laugh, every word.
Now that School Boy and I are talking seriously… these feelings are coming up. The want of having a relationship. It’s not a need for me, I’m fine without one. I don’t need a guy by my side every single hour of every single day. But I miss being with a guy in general. It’s the intimacy between two people I want. I’m not rushing or pushing anything on him, because he wants to take it slow. But I’m happy that we’re both on the same page, liking each other.
Things have worked out, and I’m ready to see where we go. I hope it leads to a relationship, because I like him. We vibe well and I go off of the vibes of people a lot. So, fingers crossed!
With all the love in my body,