How To Get Over an FWB

For those of you who don’t know, an FWB is a “friend with benefits”. I’m sure we’ve all had them, and while we did we cherished those moments so. You were getting your craving out of the way, while not being tied down and having all the works of a relationship. Some may say it’s the best thing you can do in life.  

However, like all our parents warned us, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. 

Like most kids, though, do we ever really take our parents’ advice? Nope. 

It really is all fun and games in the beginning. You think you’re ready for this and you can do it. After all, it’s just sex… right? 

So for a while, things are going great. But then you find yourself sitting in a bubble bath with your little rubber ducky friend, horribly singing along to a song. Suddenly, certain lyrics come out of the song. As you sing them, they register in your brain. The lyrics start sinking in, oozing to the depths of your brain. 

You’ve come to a realization. 

It isn’t just sex anymore. Was it ever really just sex, though? Was there a little part of your brain that wanted to be more? Maybe you thought sex was better than not having a relationship at all? So you convinced yourself that it was okay and you could handle just being a friend with benefits. 

That isn’t the case, though. It doesn’t work like that. There’s more to it there on your end than there is on their end and inevitably it’s going to end bad. They just don’t feel the same way. They see it as what they’ve thought you’ve always seen it as: just sex. 

The feelings will remain there for a while, trust me.

It’s going to suck as much as a girl on her period not getting that damn chocolate. 

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to convince myself that I could be an fwb to a guy I had feelings with, just so I could in any way be with him. However, in the long run that resulted me taking my anger out with my knife and jelly on a piece of bed. He’s a long story. 

But I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to move on. Or at least subside those feelings so that you don’t end up exploding on him. Especially if he’s with his new girlfriend. That could end very, very bad. Either for him, me, her or all three of us. 

Here’s what you need to think about. You belong in a relationship with somebody who isn’t going to lie to you and/or just use you for sex. Sure, if really all you want is sex then go for it. On the other hand, if you want more than sex, it really isn’t going to work. 

They don’t see you that way right now, and it’s best to reevaluate your thoughts. Don’t put yourself in that position where you answer every booty call, and when you return back to your own bed you feel sick. You feel sick knowing you would do anything for that person and be there for them no matter what. You feel sick because you know they don’t see you like that. To them you’re just a sweet, tasty doughnut. Something that’s nice every once in a while and only when they’re craving it. 

You deserve a relationship where the feelings go both ways. Don’t string yourself along hoping for the best. As hard as it’s going to be, you have to cut yourself off from them. When you realize you have the power in your hands to say no to being their booty call only when they want it, it will be amazing. Don’t make them a priority when you’re only an option. It’s not worth the pain and heartbreak, trust me. 

It’s all fun and games until you end up in a jail cell for getting caught keying his car when you find out he has a whole different girl on the side. 

Nobody wants to be sitting next to “Olga” with the big, scary Sasquatch sized everything and that deep as a mofo voice. That’s scary. Watch out, she’s looking for a cuddle buddy and you’re the next on her list. 

So, just remember that you will find a guy who will want to be in an actual relationship with you, your rubber ducky and your horrible singing.

Sometimes you have to get rid of the old so you can make room for the new.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

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64 thoughts on “How To Get Over an FWB”

      1. Due to your writing , I could finally make a decision to confront him , tell him what i thought and walk away….. So proud of myself 🙂

        Thank a lot.

  1. I think normally in these situations, you think you do just want sex. It’s only as you get more involved that you decide you want more. Moving the goal posts. I want to hear more about the keying and the jail cell :0)

    1. That’s true too!
      And unfortunately I have no examples of those hahaha, kind of just pulled that out of my back pocket… ): that’s just how my brain works, I associate jail with a scary “Olga” lady and that is my motivation to stay out! haha as far as keying, I haven’t keyed yet but if somebody did me wrong enough I just might… (; haha

  2. This is unrelated, but whatever happened to Hobby Lobby boy? Not to pry, but we need updated on your love life. Lol.

    1. Hello! Glad to have you here (: haha welcome to the club!
      I wasn’t actually in that moment and that didn’t happen and unfortunately I do not have a rubber ducky ): which saddens me haha, but I do have a song that every time I hear, it makes me think of him which is “Almost Lover” by Fine Frenzy (:

  3. Thanks…I love it!! I really needed to read this because I’m going through this situation right now. It helped me.

      1. I am going through it right now as well and I am really depressed and emotionally damaged and drained.

  4. Hey I HV been in a relationship with this guy since last year we deeply love each other he has all the qualities expt DT h is just fine not wow in terms of apoerence.we don’t spend dt much time together as we both studying,early DC year I meet DC guy he is hot nice,we became friends and found ourselves in bed together having sex bcz of e attraction we have,I tot it will not happen again but I found ma self thinking of him,having sex with him,but he made it clear dt he doesn’t want more, cz h is also with someone, I am attached to him an I tell him how I feel h prevents m from going there.I do no wt t d I don’t want to loose my bf since well w were not sexual active with him think of talking over with him,but how do I get over my friend?

    1. That’s unfortunately just a whole mess of a situation! I’m sorry to say, but I don’t think you should have cheated on your boyfriend just because he doesn’t look some greek god. However, I think placing distance between yourself and the guy you’re having sex with would be good. Just quit cold turkey, so to speak!
      Since it’s been 5 months since you commented I’m hoping your life is in a better place right now (: I stopped blogging for a year but I’m back!

  5. This is so applicable to me right now, but I think I messed up any future hopes of us being anything but friends when i introduced her to my best friend and they’re in love and I don’t wanna jeopardize that. But you’re right, it’s just so hard to cut him off when we’re really good friends. and I’m acting cool and he doesn’t even suspect that i’m hurting. I will do my best to follow your advice though. Coz I know it’s the right thing to do.

    1. Aw, man. Please tell me you’re getting over her/they didn’t happen so that gave you a chance. Some times people can be tricky, and some times even though you don’t want to, you have to move on. It sucks at the time, but trust me… there are better things to come (:

  6. I am so crushed! How long does it take to get over a fwb? Especially if u found out he has a new fling with a girl who is 18 and he is 34. I will be 28 soon. My heart is crushed we have been fwb for 2 years. M nearly ten years older than her. Maybe she is young and exciting. But 18years old omg.. im prettier and curvier than her and i think she just graduated! It hurts bc he posts pics of them together at events and parties. I never went on dates with him. Just had passionate intimacy but i always desired more. I told him that i knew about who he was messing with and how young she is in a text..i told him i was shocked. His only reply was who told u that. I said was it true? He wouldnt reply.it is true the source is reliable. My heart hurts. How long will it take before iwont think about this anymore?

    1. Wow, I hope by now things aren’t this messy for you! He might be going through a phase but I’m sensing if you guys were FWB for that long he really might not be interested in anything more. It depends on the person for how long it takes to get over somebody, especially if you were in love with him. I’m wishing you the best of luck though!

  7. I have mary j bliges song stuck in my head….it took a whole damn year… talking about taking forever to get over something. Please lord help me get over this.. my ego is crushed and hes not calling to make the situation better. Its like he has nothing to say bc i know. And maybe he doesnt care. If i had a problem hed try to make it right before. Now i just have tears. Any advice?

    1. Girl power! If he doesn’t have the balls to confront you about this, then he’s not the type of man you want in your life! You just gotta stick this through. The tears will come for a while and your heart will be broken, but eventually on your own time and pace, you will become better!

  8. Great post. I keep telling myself I deserve better but then I would forget. I would remember him and feel sad.
    In my situation i met a guy who is from outta state. This man treated me as if he was my bf. I knew it was all a fling and that he would leave in a couple days. However, I fell for him. I’m not sure if I miss him or the feeling of having someone there treating me well and acting as a bf.

    1. That’s always a terrible situation to be put in! Sometimes we just can’t help our feelings no matter how hard we try to resist. The heart wants what the heart wants, you know? You do deserve better of course though and if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back and if it wasn’t you’ll find somebody who will appreciate you 10x more and it will be amazing!
      P.S. – sorry about the long wait for a reply. I stopped blogging about a year ago and I’m just getting back at it (:

  9. loved your post, thought i was alone on this 😦 starting hooking up a year ago, but know each other for 3. i dont think it’ll ever go anywhere. And i know he’s talking to some other girl trying to get serious. It hurts alot 😥

  10. i hate how he texts me how much he misses me and wants to see me, but then he disappears. i hate this feeling and hate that after 2-3 yrs im not over him.

    1. Yeah him texting you doesn’t help! But if you’re serious about wanting to move on to bigger and better things, I suggest maybe blocking his number until you get over him and realize that there is so much better out there in this world (:

  11. OMG i so love what you said. I have been involved with this guy for over a year. We started messaging on FB and i moved to where he lived because we were gonna see if we can make it work. He decided after a while it wont work and just wants to be FWB well i rearranged my whole life to be with him and i already fell deeply for him. We are really good friends now with the benefits. Whenever he calls or text i’m right there. I guess deep down i’d hope he’d change his mind. My heart broke last night when he asked me what if i get a gf? How will you react because if you cant handle it id rather part ways now. I told him i don’t know on numerous occasions but i cant resist him and end up missing him badly. Sometimes i feel like i’m slowly going crazy. Looking for advice please.

    1. Leave him. Pull yourself back. Only then you’ll see the bigger picture.
      Being a girl, we often tend to care for our man. But he’s not your man. Babe you’re good in bed n he wants you. He feels good with you in bed . But that’s it. There’s nothing more to it.
      Cut off from him. Remember he’ll just be a tiny blip on your timeline only if u leave him now

  12. This hits home 😦 I think I strung along because I wanted him to be there in whatever form in my life, not realizing that he just got a free pass at me. I’m dealing with depression now. It’s affected me in ways I can’t imagine. I just hope that I see better days. Sick of love unrequited.

    1. When I was asked to become a friends with benefits I actually did not think it through I just met him personally but I saw him before and I had a crush. The kind we don’t have since junior high school when he asked me I was willing because I wanted to be near hm never knowing that my emotional jeart would act i. Full swing. Can’t believe I forgot thought about the feelings of love.
      Sure the first time was pure sex but after that he made me remember I am alive and I and beautiful.I never felt so amazing. I was hooked. I think of h 24″7 I hate liera more than. Most yet he hasn’t been honest. He knows how I feel he does not feel the same. He told me from the get go he wasn’t looking for a relationship I knew that yet still feelings developed for him.
      It’s been at least 5 times now please promise me that he would be here no matter what never showed up and when there is time just for sex it’s when he wants it I want more I look at it now after reading articles he was sure that he shows no affection no kissing no holding hands he’s never hug me he doesn’t hold me spent the night never going out to eat but family and friends are close he brings a woman twice around after we’ve met and it hurts tells me he’s never slept with her I know otherwise best night he said he was going to sleep cuz you had a headache found out he was out of town with someone else so I decided I’m done I’m scared I’ve cried I think it’s the best thing I’m the one who gets to suffer he won’t suffer that are the girls I would rather be alone I guess then be a beckon call girl and slide to in years his leisure he’s a wonderful guy I don’t think he realizes just how much feelings can grow and some of us has A extreme measure of love. It’s both our losses now but his majorly in the end.

    2. When I was asked to become a friends with benefits I actually did not think it through I just met him personally but I saw him before and I had a crush. The kind we don’t have since junior high school when he asked me I was willing because I wanted to be near hm never knowing that my emotional heart would act in full swing. Can’t believe I forgot about tbe feelings of love.
      Sure the first time was pure sex but after that he made me remember I am alive and I am beautiful.I never felt so amazing. I was hooked. I think of him 24″7 I hate liers more than. Most yet he hasn’t been honest. He knows how I feel, he does not feel the same. He told me from the get go he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I knew that yet still feelings developed for him.
      It’s been at least 5 times now, he has promised me that he would be here no matter what. Well he never showed up and when there is time just for sex, its when he wants it. I want more I look at it now after reading articles he was sure that he showed no affection no Kissing, no holding hands, he would never hug me doesn’t hold me, has never spent the night never going out to eat his brother and wife arey closest friends since im new in town. he brings a woman twice around after we’ve met and it hurts. tells me he’s never slept with her , i know otherwise Last night he said he was going to sleep cuz you had a headache found out he was on the town with someone else so I decided I’m done I’m scared I’ve cried I think it’s the best thing I’m the one who gets to suffer he won’t suffer. there are so many feelings and so much pain for him that since he doesn’t feel the same I would rather be alone than be a beck and call girl. The world can be at his leisure he’s a wonderful guy I don’t think he realizes just how much feelings can grow and some of us has extreme measure of love. It’s both our losses now for a moment for me, months and months. You don’t feel this way and move forward Happy. I move forward in sorrow and deep sadness.

  13. Thank you for this, you have no idea how much this helps. I just ended things with him, it was too much and this (although rationally i already know this but right now my head is a mess with a broken heart) really and truly helped. If anything I’ve learned a lot and I try to keep that in focus, have to find the good in the bad. So again, thank you for sharing this.

  14. how long does it take for you to end?
    Mine has already been over half year now.
    It’s soooooooo difficult to cut him off coz we were good friend at the first place.

  15. Hi. I loved your article. Reading such articles always reminds me to fucking leave my friend with benefit.
    I have no problem with just sex, but I feel he doesn’t respect me enough.
    He doesn’t even know my birthday. N its been 2 years. I don’t want to be his girlfriend. But this fwb relationship still
    hurts .

  16. am soo glad i read this article cz honestly am in a situation where i dnt kno hw he feels bout me…i compare every guy to him..i even think my boyfrnd isnt any better…thank you alot…u have taught me alot through this article…

  17. Really needed to read this. I had an amazing fwb for 8 months and then we both moved and things ended. In the beginning, neither of us wanted a relationship but as time went by I started to get feelings for him. Since I knew he didn’t want a relationship I kept quiet, I was moving anyway and figured we could never work. Then a month before we split he kissed me very passionately and said “you know I’d date you if things were different, right?!” I guess he really meant that he’d date me if I were different but now I’m obsessed with thinking about him. It’s been a few months and we barely ever talk, we became really good friends and I really miss him. Just want to move on but I’m kinda hung up on him. Any advice on how to move on when we never really ended things, just kinda left it at “see you someday maybe”?

  18. It’s really hard to be in Friends with benefits ;( Specially before we had this fwb thing, I’m already in love with him and now it’s hard for me to let him go. I hate to see him around with other girls and I don’t know what to do???

  19. I don’t even know what to say. I’ve been searching for advice online and reading this was amazing.
    Never am I ever putting myself in this kinda situation ever again. Wanting someone who doesn’t want you in more than a sexual way truly sucks. I’m finding it hard to let go and move on. I feel so crap about myself to the extent of thinking I’ll never be good for anyone. Requited love is the worst!

  20. I have a best friend that I never imagine could be my FWB.. we work together, we live together.. we all stay in an apartment.. he with his girlfriend and me with my fiance.. we know each other for three years and we are just really close friends.. no malice at all!!! Until that night..3 months ago.. we get drunk and smoke in the kitchen then suddenly he kissed me.. so many Times and I kissed him too..maybe because we’re just drunk that time.. then he went on vacation to his country.. the time he came back.. we did kissed again with no alcohol this time..at work ..on break..every time we drink.. we kiss each other every day.. then we had sex.. then we started acting like a couple at work.. do same shift..do same break.. I can’t smoke with anyone..only with him.. then suddenly..he decided to stay away from me.. no more break together..no more smoking together.. it’s really hard because I’m used with him beside me. I don’t know what suddenly happened. I know from the start that were just having fun we all have our own relationships..but the thing between us is really special.. he left Mr hanging.. now we are acting like strangers..can anyone help me?? I don’t know how to handle this anymore.. we cannot be together but atleast I want to save the friendship..I missed my bestfriend

  21. I googled how to get over an FWB and your article came up on top. And it is a best read. I am not sure if you are actually in the relationship but what you said is spot on. I am currently in one and we have decided from the start that it’s just sex, and I fully agree on that. But after a two months, I think I have grown to like him. I hate to have to constantly think about him when I know he isn’t thinking of me. This wasn’t my first time having an FWB but this is the first time I have grown to have deep feelings. Right now we are on a break for he is away and I treat it as a sign that this could help me move on from him. I want to cut loose, but I am afraid that once he comes back and messages me that I would drop everything to meet him.

    Thank you for writing the article. Also having to read other comments is also making me feel at ease that there are a lot of people who are experiencing this. Maybe we should have group therapy? Hahaha

    1. I’m going through the same thing right now. My FWB ended things with me a week ago. He changed his number so I can’t text him. I know this is the best for me. We were FWB for two months and now that things ended I miss him so much even though I know deep in my heart that he is not right for me.

  22. so i was working on a ship with this guy and we became friends. for 5 months we would just joke around each other and he would hang out with me in my cabin. then he started making a move on me. i am an NBSB kind of girl so i have no idea about relationships and talking about feelings. i did like him so I let him made a move too even when i know he had a girlfriend back home. we would only cuddle at first and kiss and watch movies. i didnt want to ask him about our situation because i was enjoying it and i dont want to ruin anything until the day that i did gave in to sex. but thats the time when evryrhing started to fall apart. no more cuddles or moviesbut just sex. he would go to my cabin start having sex and then after sex he would stay awhile then go. i missed him kissing me on the forehead and holding my hands.. i always get jealous but i know i have no right because we are not bf/gf in the first place so i just keep all my feelings with me. now that we are back home for vacation. we havent seen each othwr bwcause we both live very far. but he still texts me and says he misses me. and i miss him so bad as well. but i really wanted to stop whatever it is im feeling because i know we will never end up together. he will be on another ship on next contract and so will I. i still check his accnt from time to time because i wanted to see his face. but i also want to move on and forget about him but it is so hard because he is my first in everything. can you give me any advice on how to get over with him please?

  23. Do you have any advice on how to curb those “cravings”? I know we have our toys and imagination but its never quite like the real thing. I just recently ended a friends with benefit thing with my ex and I feel like I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms. As soon as I told him that we should stop hooking up I immediately felt like taking back that statement. It felt like another break up to me because I was obviously still emotionally attached to him. It’s a roller coaster of emotions for me at the moment and there have been times where I want to so badly say for example “hey forget what I said let’s meet up tonight.” I’ve found out that he might have been seeing someone or is into someone and I became jealous and hurt and knew immediately I needed to end it right then and there.
    So how do you get through those moments where you just really want to be with them?

  24. Trying to find ways to get rid of my fwb, so far this is the best I seen. Thank you for your inspirational advice to all the people that have experiences with fwb, and are struggling with it right now. It is hard, trust me, I have been through it on and off, hoping there’s a chance. Honestly, 99% of the time it won’t happen, even you tried to vent it out with your fwb, he won’t listen to you and thinks you’re nothing to him. Just think of it like you’re going through a break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but fwb breakup is far worse than actual relationship breakup because a relationship breakup there’s some mutual feelings in there compared to a fwb breakup.

    So for everybody who is going through it as of right now like me, it is okay to feel down, but it will get better towards the end. You just gotta stay positive, focus on your goals, and move on with life.

  25. I am sitting at work on the night shift and wow, so glad I came across this. My situation is a little unique. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and very secure in our marriage. We have agreed to have an open marriage to keep things interesting and to just meet new people. Now, I realize not a lot of people agree with this, but it has been working for us for the past three years and we would rather be open with each other, than to cheat. We moved to a new city and we know no one and don’t really have a social life. Enter Craigslist. He suggested that I make a post in search of an FWB. Within in minutes, my inbox was overflowing. One email in particular caught my eye. So I messaged him, we exchanged pictures, a mutual attraction was definitely there. Now came the time to tell him about my situation. He seemed fine with the fact I was married and we agreed to meet up. We had been hooking up for a little over a year and everything was going well.

    He texted me to come over last week, like he usually does and I got ready, headed out. When I got there, he kind of gave me this look like “I have something to tell you and you may or may not be happy about it.” So I asked what was up and he told me he had a girl coming over next week. Now, a little back story is, we chat a lot too, not just have sex. So I knew about his past relationships, he knew about mine, etc. So part of me was excited for him to start possibly dating again, the other part felt kind of disappointed and sad lol. Before you go saying well, you’re married, get over it, please take into consideration that I have a non existent social life, no friends, no groups to hang out with and I barely go out anywhere (I play video games most of the time). But the whole thing is this: Him and I probably won’t ever hang out again and it is kind of bumming me out. We had a lot in common, a lot to talk about. I mean, I love my husband, but human interaction with other people (whether sexual or platonic) is so important in my opinion. I know I am not falling for my FWB at all, I just wish we could still hang out and talk. Whew! Sorry for the long windedness, just wanted to get that out of my head. Thank you again for writing this. Awesome post.

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