Mr. Nice Guy

Now, more than ever I find myself wondering this one, certain question. It has been nagging at my brain for a couple of weeks. 

Why do girls always neglect Mr. Nice Guy? 

Why are we always drawn so much more to the guy with an edge, rather than somebody we know will respect us, cherish us, be loyal to us, love us and treat us like we deserve? 

I find myself doing this too, unfortunately. But why? 

The nice guys always end up getting friendzoned, which really sucks for them. And for us. 

We end up losing out on such an amazing guy, for a guy who is most likely just trying to use us. 

I’m so tired of being in the position of going for a guy only to find out he’s just like the rest and just like the rest, is going to dump me when either A) he doesn’t get the sex or B) got the sex and is now on to the next victim. I’m at the point where I’ve been treated like shit way too many times, even when I think they’re different. Like School Boy? I thought he was truly perfect for me personally. He had the right amount of everything and bonus point? He would fit in PERFECTLY with my family. He has everything I’m looking for. The respect, the humor, our shared love of mostly all music (which is hard to find these days, believe it or not), shared interests, the down to earth kind of vibe, and his looks are a bonus. However, I’ve tried to contact him once and saw he read the message and ignored it. I messaged him back after the last time he messaged me, also ignored it. Our conversing has gone from every day and then out of nowhere, once, maybe twice a day and now it’s nonexistent. Which is all after he dropped the bomb on me that he “likes me, but doesn’t want a serious relationship right now”. I’m not sure exactly what happened, because I thought first off we were friends but I don’t even know exactly what’s going on right now. 

It makes me really question if he really meant that. So, only time will be able to tell what he meant, if he actually meant that and what happens. There’s still a part of me that knows how well we would be together, but I’m not new on this situation and I know the most likely outcome will be I’ll be left in the dust, yet again. I was one step away from going off on him, asking why he is now ignoring me because I’m tired of that, but I decided against it for now. 

And then comes another guy. A guy I’ve been talking to as friends for months now. I believe I’ve talked about him before, actually. The one who’s never kissed or dated a girl? He came back recently from school for the Air Force and we hung out just as friends, and after he left back to base… I could tell things shifted a little bit. I can tell he’s kind of into me, just how much he’s into me I’m not sure. 

He’s a great, amazing, one of a kind guy. His heart is something to be envious of truly. His mind is in the absolute best place, he has extreme respect, knows exactly how to treat a woman, doesn’t have these high, impossible standards for women because he was raised with sisters and only by a mom, he’s caring, will try to cheer you up even if it’s the middle of the night for him and all these amazing things. 

Except… for me, he could possibly be too nice. 

For one, he isn’t a big fan of partying/doesn’t drink, and I like to do both. I like to have a good time, who doesn’t? I don’t need to drink to have a good time, but I do like to drink. That’s a big thing. 

For two, my personality is a bit crazy. I have a dirty sense of humor, actually a humor for most anything really, I can be a little loud, I’m not innocent and well I can be a bit cheeky. I need a guy that’s pretty… aggressive, and respectably dominant as a male in the relationship. I don’t want to be the more dominant one. I need a guy that can keep up with me. I don’t know that he can, whether it’s his lack of experience or what, and honestly? I wish he could. If he were a bit more aggressive I would totally be drawn to him. 

But this is why I’ve been asking myself about Mr. Nice Guy. I’m starting to question myself and wondering if I should give him a chance. He’s the type of guy who you would have NO trust issues with, and believe him 100%. 

Can I get over these differences? I can’t tone down who I am and will never be able to be with somebody who waters me down. 

Can I get over the fact that we don’t exactly like a lot of the same things? For example, I’m a fan of ghetto music. I like to have fun and a good laugh. He tunes that kind of stuff out because he believes it degrades women and all that. 

I’m also confused because I want to try it out, but I’m extremely afraid of hurting him if it doesn’t work out. I don’t want to get in the relationship, or even start really flirting and leading him on and then a few weeks later, find out it just isn’t working. This is a situation to tread lightly, but I’m not exactly sure how to. 

I’m very conflicted. 

Thoughts? 

Why are we less attracted to Mr. Nice Guy? 

Should I, should we, give him a shot? 

It could be worth the change. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

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32 thoughts on “Mr. Nice Guy”

  1. Hi, so I’m pretty new to blogging, but I read this and was agreeing with everything you said. I just posted something about 20 minutes ago on my blog about this. I always go for the guy that treats me like shit, or uses me, and shit like that. I’m a down to earth girl and I always go for the douches.

    Just like you, I have a great guy that likes me a lot, respects woman, is a sweet heart, never pushed me to do anything but I friend-zoned him after a month.

    I’m sorry I can’t really help with the advice because I seriously just asked for it. I know the right thing to do is go for the nice guy, but than again we can’t force it if we don’t feel it right?

    Just because yes, he is nice and would treat us right and be a great guy to be with, it doesn’t mean he is right for us and we fit with them.

    I hope you do though find a guy who is right for you but you can be your fun self with and be comfortable with and treats you right.
    That’s all we can really ask for right?

    1. Well hello! Welcome to wordpress then (: I just followed you!
      Why do we always do that??? So confusing to me! But you’re right, we really can’t force something like that, it wouldn’t turn out good for either side! That is actually good advice though! We don’t know if it doesn’t work if we don’t try though! I say we should both give the nice guy a chance, you never know where it leads!
      And thank you, I hope so too! haha I hope you can find a guy too! Agreed, all we can ask for is somebody that we can be ourselves around and get treated right!

      1. haha thank you:)

        You know what, why not?! Let’s do it. They might not end up compatible with us, but they might. It won’t kill us to give someone a chance. If it doesn’t work at least we won’t be thinking “what if?”

        If we don’t give them a chance, were just like every other person who doesn’t know why they can’t find a good guy when really they have one that likes them but they don’t do anything about it.

        They could just be exactly what we needed. Even if it isn’t forever.

      2. Exactly! We really won’t know until we try! We just actually have to get up the courage to do it! haha. Thinking “what if” for the rest of our lives could really ruin us!
        And you make a really good point with that, we do have a guy that’s extremely nice to us and we’d be just like the rest, complaining but he’s right there in front of our eyes.
        You’re right, it may be what we need, and it may not last forever but it could be really good to us and to them!

  2. I wrote a paper once on why women are attracted to bad boys. I wish I could find it or even remember what the hell I wrote.

    Confidence is the first thing while bad boys almost never actually have genuine confidence we perceive their aggressiveness and bravado as such. We have these stereotypes about what a man should be like and unfortunately a lot of those characteristics are misogynistic. If a guy doesn’t have these characteristics we make assumptions that are generally unflattering. Ironically it’s actually the bad boys who are incapable of supporting a family and a woman’s emotional needs.

    The lack of confidence in assholes is grossly apparent to me in their need to belittle women and in their violent jealously. My first crush would say all the right things in one breath and in the next breath make me feel like he was doing me a huge favor by hanging out with me because I was obviously a loser who couldn’t do better. For some reason these games are attractive to women.

    Aggressive jealously is also attractive to women even though they complain about it. We perceive jealousy as desire and when a man trusts us and doesn’t react hostilely in the presence of competition we take it to mean that when push comes to shove he won’t fight for us. Women want a man who will fight for them. In the animal kingdom the males have to fight to get their mates and humans are animals.

    Women like the challenge of winning a bad boy’s heart. The thing is if you caught yourself a bad boy and you succeeded in taming him you’d get tired of him very quickly. If you don’t succeed the challenge goes on. Men like the chase, women like the challenge of breaking a stud. It sounds sick but it seems true.

    I am stubborn as hell and I honestly did want a stubborn partner because I knew that I could be unreasonable and I needed someone who could be frank with me. Someone who would stand up for themselves. I actually wanted someone who wouldn’t change to suit my caprice. I wanted someone who was themselves and Sam is. While we do compromise we can be ourselves together. We are opposites in many ways and that is fabulous because he teaches me new things. We challenge and vibe off each other. A nice guy can have a personality and though women seem to think it, nice isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness, inauthenticity, or deception. Sam’s a good guy but he’s also eccentric as fuck and a natural leader. Though his self-esteem is low he has good confidence. He’ll take on a project that intimidates everyone else because he loves the challenge, he loves learning. He doesn’t do it for a reward he just has a voracious appetite, he’s naturally ambitious and not in the step over everyone way either. When a man is competent in multiple areas that can be incredibly sexy. Keep that in mind because your nice guy might have a lot of talents and he might be unflinching in the face of a challenge. You want someone who doesn’t bail when shit hits the fan. Bad boys bail. Sure they might take a baseball bat to a burglar but get pregnant and see what happens, say the word marriage and see what happens. Sam would protect me from a burglar no doubt but he is also a great father and husband.

    Nice guys can be amazing in bed Sam is obsessed with my having orgasms and I don’t get to walk away without having multiple ones, maybe because his self-esteem is low so he tries harder. Maybe because he loves me and because my pleasure matters. I am just saying nice guys can be fun a lot of fun.

    As for your lifestyle Sam and I do match up there mostly. As a teenager he did party but he’s always been a one woman at time kind of guy (he only had one girlfriend before me). I do try to encourage him to hang out with the boys but now he’d rather have a few beers with them in a bar then go out and get pissed. He’s quite laidback in social style and so am I. You are young so I do think you should have fun. It may be that your lifestyles are too incompatible I don’t know but just be yourself with him. He’s a big boy he gets to decide from himself whether or not he likes you and wants to pursue you. Just as you get to decide if you want to give him a go. Just don’t string him along!

    1. If you find that paper you should totally post some of it on here! I imagine it’d be a very long paper! haha you make a lot of really good points though that make a lot of sense. Basically, the bad boy can be good for a short lived thrill, but in the end the nice guy is the one you’re going to want to settle down with! Funny that you mention sex though, because I have a feeling that the nice guy I’m talking to would be amazing at sex for that reason, even though he doesn’t have experience, I bet when he does he’ll rock a girls world!
      I’ll have to figure out exactly how our lifestyles should go, you’re completely right on that and made a really good point! Thank you for the advice and all that (: it really helps!

  3. Just do whatever your gut tells you. I see no reason why you shouldn’t go for it if you think he’s the kind of guy you could date.

    I’ve never really understood the nice guy/bad boy thing. When I watch movies or play video games, my favorite characters are often villains, but I’d never date them. I sometimes wonder if we’ve been fed this story that if we love a guy enough, he will change (I’m looking at you Beauty and the Beast).

    Life is too short. The second a man displays a habit I can’t live with, it’s over (or at least worth an adult conversation about what we both want in a relationship). Leave the bad guys for the movies.

    1. You’re right, going with my gut will have to be the only option (:
      You make a really good point about if we love a guy enough he’ll change! I feel like sometimes that’s almost in our DNA, to nurture and change a man

  4. I think you answered your own question about why women don’t generally go for the ‘nice’ guy. He is too nice! The gist I have got when I have asked women this is that nice guys are boring, nice guys are predictable and that women would rather be kept on their toes. Personally, I agree with this theory.

    1. Interesting, I like you’re playing Devil’s Advocate! haha but, your’e right. There is a line between a nice guy and somebody who is TOO nice! There’s gotta be a good balance in there and that’s what I’m looking for! It’s like that saying “I want a gentleman who will hold the door open for me, but still slap my ass as I walk by” hahaha like that’s perfect!

  5. I love this! That is so funny that you posted this because I am in the middle, of myself, writing an article about why nice guys finish last! I love this, awesome job and really good points!

  6. My entire life I went for the bad boy and was disappointed every time. I don’t know why we are drawn to assholes. It might be a survival thing, you know? The bad boys are more dominant, maybe stronger, aggressive, and better to protect a family. Just looking at it from an evolutionary standpoint. But that’s all I can think of. This and my last relationship were/are with Mr. Nice Guys and although they aren’t perfect, they are honestly the best relationships. I never worried about my ex cheating on me or treating me badly. Even when he broke up with me it wasn’t a big blow out. You just have to find a Mr. Nice Guy that meets all of your needs, that’s all. It’s hard to do, but they’re out there. I promise! I’m living proof.

    1. I think it really might be a survival thing in us! That’s probably right on the money haha
      You make a good point though, we can’t just go for nice guys because we feel bad, we have to do it because they meet our needs as well (: that’s a very good point and it makes a lot of sense!
      I believe you! Btw, I hope things are going great for you and drummer boy! Can’t wait to hear updates (:

      1. Awww thanks girl! Haha I don’t know how much more I’m going to be writing about the drummer since he totally read my blog last week. Haha! I’ll sneak a few updates for you guys though don’t worry!

      2. Oh my gosh I know. It was really awkward to know he read it but we didn’t really talk about it that much thank god lol he just laughed at some stuff I wrote about him pre-dates. Little does he know, I had to make some posts private though 😉 haha

  7. Heh, last gf, best friend of 8 years, dumped me for a guy with an edge. But she wanted a fix it project. Give him a shot. What do you have to lose? The guy who stopped talking to you likely found someone else. He doesn’t want the confrontation of telling you, and he just wants it over because he likes the one he’s with. Good luck with the decision!

  8. I say give him a chance, take it slow. I’m dating a Mr. Nice Guy now and at the risk of sounding like a Disney Princess, I’ve never been happier.
    Toxic relationships are often passionate– these guys are alluring, there is often a lot of uncertainty, competition, and jealousy involved. It makes for crazy good sex and really horrible insecurities and ultimately heartbreak. But just like a drug with an awesome high and horrible low, it’s addicting. The nice guy is usually not as *zing-pow* in the beginning but if you want a chance at feeling truly cared for and cherished, I think he (nice guy in generally, not necessarily THAT one) is the way to go.

  9. I hear you girl. Totally love the assholes as well but one time I did give the nice guy a chance and he was just too big of a pussy… For me anyway lol… I don’t regret it though because I learned some things about myself and it never hurts to give someone a chance b/c it might be cliche but you really never do know.

    1. I think there’s a difference between being too nice and nice in general and we all have to find our own personal opinions about that (: I think I will give him a chance because you’re right, we never know until we do try!

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