Some may think the “F” bomb is bad.
They get all worked up and mad.
Personally? That’s just another part of my vocabulary and the explosion of that bomb is quite tiny. I drop it sometimes… especially in parking lots. Don’t even get me started.
I was going to park in a spot in my college parking lot, which quite frankly, is a bitch to park in because there is rarely a spot especially when I have to park. That really sucks because I have bad parking lot road rage. My best friend knows to just sit in her seat, not saying anything, but busting up laughing at me. It gets intense and I get heart palpitations (not really). So, this lady almost backs her car into me from five cars in front of me, and then continues to pull into the spot I had my blinker on for and was ready to pull in.
The best part? She’s a mom waiting to pick up her kid. With no parking permit.
She doesn’t even go here. (For those of who you get that reference, I love you.)
I end up finding a spot facing her on the other side. She’s reading a damn book just sitting in her car.
I hate you, lady.
Anyways… back to topic!
So, let’s talk about my Mr. Nice Guy.
He has been amazing. I can tell he’s not absolutely too nice, because he’s opening up a bit more. I’ve seen more of his sexual side, and I have a feeling with the help of more experience he’ll open up even more. He’s starting to crack more jokes with me, although his lack of dirty jokes with me is kind of boring.
I’m a big joker and I’m not so sure if he is. He says he only jokes around dirty with his guy friends because he feels it degrades girls, but he’ll try to do that with me. I don’t feel it’s degrading because personally, I do it all the time.
My birthday is coming up and he’s been searching to get me a present. I had revealed to him maybe a week or so ago, that I own a sex toy for my personal use. It didn’t bother him at all. I was afraid it might be TMI or something for him, but he took it fine.
So we were on the phone talking the other night.
He revealed to me, partly because he was curious and because I had told him I had one, that he made his way to the sex toy section of Amazon and was thinking about getting me a new one.
Needless to say my mouth completely dropped. I went a bit speechless, actually. A part of me was kind of turned on for him taking initiative with that and being secure enough to buy a girl a dildo. Some guys get so weird and insecure about it. However, he didn’t buy it because he didn’t know what I wanted. At least he had the courtesy of not trying to choose for me. I confessed to him that I had been searching up on Amazon for a new one recently, but didn’t end up buying one. He then offered to get me one if I wanted. He would get me anything I wanted.
Let me tell you, this guy is amazing. He offered to take me out to an expensive restaurant for Valentine’s day while he’s home before he leaves to San Francisco, but I told him I didn’t want him to spend all this money on me. So, instead I came up with an idea. This is probably might end up being the first time we kiss. And that means his first kiss. So, in an attempt to make his first kiss absolutely amazing for him, I want to take him to this hidden spot on a trail near some housing that overlooks the city lights and a tiny little pond.
Romantic, right? I try.
Anyways… there is kind of a problem.
He’s dropped the “L” bomb on me.
That to me, is kind of a big explosion. He dropped it a couple weeks ago actually, just haven’t had the chance to blog about it. He started saying it a while ago, just kind of playing around, I thought anyways. I asked him what he meant when he first started doing it and he said he meant it out of “admiration”. Whatever that really meant. So, I dropped it.
Then, recently he’s been saying it more and something in my head clicked. I realized I really needed to ask what he meant by that.
Well. He loves me.
Turns out, way back a few years ago in high school, I was in my sophomore year in PE and he was a senior being a teacher’s assistant. That’s how I know him. We always talked during class and all that. Apparently, he had a crush on me then and thought I was pretty. After he graduated, we didn’t talk until September. He said it took a while to get those feelings and finding me attractive back because it’s been so long since he felt that way, but somehow they happened again.
He said he loves the girl I’ve become and I’ve grown up so nicely.
I’m just shortening what he said when he answered my question, but it was all very, very, very sweet. It kind of made me speechless with everything he said and I don’t get speechless often.
However… that makes me very nervous and honestly? It made me scared a little bit. It almost made me retract from him, but I didn’t.
He told me that I didn’t need to say it back and he understood if I don’t feel that way yet. He just wanted to express his feelings to me.
He’s way more invested in this than I am. I told him I couldn’t love somebody just through talking on the phone/texting. I need a physical connection and we need to establish that first before I even have a chance at falling in love with him.
A few days after me asking him that, he asked me how badly I wanted us to work.
I told him in all truthfulness, long distance is extremely hard. I know he’ll drive down as much as he can, but still. I also told him that we’re going to need to hang out more and see if there is a physical connection there. So… we’ll see how that goes.
Ay yi yi.
I almost wish he had dropped the “F” bomb.
With all the love in my body,