We’ve all heard those words.
The words that make our brains go haywire, our hearts drop to our butts and our stomach flutter up.
Usually, it’s never in a good way though.
This time, I was the one to say them.
Thursday during the day, for those of you who know of the app, I snapchatted School Boy a picture of a pink VW bug because I thought it was funny. He replied back a few hours later with just a picture of his face with no caption. At that point, I was getting frustrated with him because we were barely talking and I still had hopes for him even though Mr. Nice Guy and I were progressing. So, I didn’t even bother to reply because I was mad at him.
You can put captions with your picture, so it’s more of a reply back. You can also see when the other person has opened the snaps.
Another few hours later, after no reply back to him, he snapchatted me again. Twice.
One said that he misses me. The second said that he was sorry for being so cold shouldered to me.
I said I missed him back and that it was okay.
He said he’s been hurt a lot before so he’s really scared to get into a relationship or anything. At this point, I decided to text him because snapchats have a short word limit on captions.
In a nutshell, I told him I wasn’t sure exactly how he’s been hurt before except for the ex that kept them a secret from everybody and then also cheated on him, but I wouldn’t hurt him. I’m not afraid to show the world if he was my boyfriend. I told him that in an argument I’m not going to just bail out on him. Also that sometimes in love and life you have to take risks because you can’t live sheltered otherwise you’ll never find something great. I also brought up that I’ve been hurt so many times by guys so much that I want to punch every single one of them in the face but I’m still trying.
And then I dropped it on him. I told him that even though I like him, I can’t wait around forever. I told him that I came second choice to my ex for so long, I can’t be that anymore. I said I’m not an option to anybody and that I deserve so much better.
He came back with an apology. He said he knows he’s being tough with me and he does like me, but he’s scared and he wants to make time to hang so we can try and figure this all out.
That was pretty much the end of that conversation, after I agreed and said thank you.
Sunday night, Mr. Nice Guy got really upset and down when I said him and I might not work out due to long distance and I told him I’d have to see our physical connection first.
I realized talking to these two guys needs to come to an end really quick.
I texted School Boy Sunday and told him we needed to hang out soon. He agreed. I then asked when and assured him that I’m not rushing or forcing him into a relationship, that I’ve just been waiting a couple months since he’s gotten back home and nothing has happened. I told him we either need to see some progress or I’m not waiting around anymore.
He told me he understands it’s not fair to keep me waiting, so he promised sometime this week by Friday we’ll hang out.
It’s now Wednesday night and he hasn’t brought it up, but we have been talking today.
I’m torn between feelings about him.
On one hand, it seems really flaky and like he’s not interested at all.
But if that’s true… why has he bothered to hold on this long? He does seem to want to work things out and see what we can do or where we can go from here. He flirts back with me.
School Boy does have more in common with me than Mr. Nice guy, though. He would also fit in better with my family. School Boy also happens to be pretty much down the street from me and Mr. Nice Guy is going to be living in San Francisco, five to six hours north and driving down here on his spare time.
The problem is, I know how Mr. Nice Guy would be in a relationship and he’s very loving and caring. I don’t know how School Boy is going to be, so I want to give him a chance and find out.
If we can ever hang out, that is.
I just don’t know.
What I do know is, I need to figure this out really quick otherwise it’s going to get messy dealing with the two boys and one of the three of us is going to end up extremely hurt.
With all the love in my body,