Changes

Wow! Long time no blog, right? 

Truthfully… I haven’t had the writing bug much lately. I’m sorry I dropped off the face of the earth guys. It feels like a lot has been going on inside me, while at the same time it’s just been static. 

There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss and think of you guys! I feel like you guys are a family to me and have been with me and seen so much and I hope I can keep up with blogging more. Since I started school back up, I haven’t done much because I’m so busy with that. But that’s not an excuse. 

It just hasn’t been in me to write lately. I had so much to say, yet nothing at all it seems. 

There is so much on this blog from my past, like a little archive of memories. It’s safe to say that I’m in a new chapter of my life and I felt the shift in things. 

Things had been going great with Mr. Nice Guy. 

Had? You may ask. 

We’re still together and things are good, don’t get me wrong. But there’s a part of me that is very much where I think that him and I are not going to be good long-term. I’m struggling with this badly right now.

He thinks funny faces are ugly and rude. I make funny faces all the time. 

He doesn’t think a lot of my jokes, and my family’s jokes are funny. My family has a funny and dirty sense of humor, as do I. 

He made a comment, out of not understand I think so I let it slide, that having A.D.D is a type of mental disability so it was a “special needs” type of thing. This was brought up because his professor made an ignorant comment to him about him being tested for that since he was being fidgety in one of his classes. I took that in a little bit offense from my nice guy, seeing as I think I have a minor form of A.D.D. 

He doesn’t like talking about pointless, random, every day things. It has to always be more of a serious conversation for him. My favorite conversations are pointless and random ones. 

He’s kind of needy. If it were up to him, he’d be calling me and talking on the phone all day. I feel like I have to sit down and clear out anything I have to do to be on the phone with him, or with anybody for that matter. Sometimes on the weekend, he’ll call two or three times throughout the day and expects to have multiple hours long conversations and then gets sad and upset when I have to go do something. Ain’t nobody got time for that. This girl has shit to do. Like eating ice cream looking like a hot mess in peace. 

Oh! Let’s not forget that one time him and I were conversing on the phone, and he starts talking about when he’s going to move back here and gets an apartment. He casually said, and I barely caught it before it registered in my brain, “You could visit your family anytime you wanted. I’d probably even go with you.” 

Whoa, whoa, whoa there tiger. 

He had been expecting me to move in with him when he moves back here. I mean, by this upcoming fall when he moves back we’d be together for a long time, but still. Hold your horses there. He’s also brought up the word “forever”. I used to not have a problem with that word. I used it with my ex, but ya know… after a year. Not after a month or two. I realized that forever isn’t always going to happen, even if you want it to. Things change. People change. It’s inevitable. 

He doesn’t really eat carbs. I eat pasta, sandwiches, ice cream, desserts… he rarely eats that stuff. I get it, eating healthy is great and I love to eat healthy… but cheat meals are good. I can’t live without my Ben & Jerry’s. Let’s be real here, no one can have as amazing a relationship with people as they do with Ben & Jerry’s. 

He doesn’t drink alcohol. I love to drink. It’s nice to be able to unwind. I don’t drink all the time, and I wouldn’t even if I was the legal age, but it’d be nice to have girls night in at the house with my bestie watching TV with our dinner and drinks. That would be our thing. We want to go out as well and have some fun. Not sloppy fun, but you know. He didn’t even really like the idea of me saying I was going to keep alcohol in the house. Only for “special occasions”. 

My nice guy is also coming down to visit soon. He wasn’t planning on having sex. That was second in his mind to everything else. It’s been a month since we’ve seen each other… I just don’t even know what to think about that. Sex was the first thing on my mind. It’s natural. 

It’s been a month since we became “official” and it’s only a short time and I want to give it more of a chance. However, that’s hard to do with him being five to six hours away. I can’t test us out physically together and doing things every day. He’s coming down next weekend, though. 

He’s a great guy though… but I’m just not sure anymore. I need y’alls opinions. I’m talking this out and thinking it through before I do anything stupid. This is a battle inside of me right now. He’s an amazing guy and I can’t stress that enough. I have nothing bad to say about him personally, just how him and I conflict with each others opinions and stuff like that. 

I can honestly say I love all of you so much and I hope I get some of your feedback on this. You have no idea how much I take all your opinions to heart and think about them. You guys have helped me go through some serious stuff whether you realize it or not and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

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13 thoughts on “Changes”

  1. I hope I can help. Maybe you don’t think these are “big problems” that you guys have but I see it as he’s not compatible for you. It’s one thing if you like different music and have different political views or religious views those are fine if they accept you for who you but when your significant other wants you to change or doesn’t accept you for who you are than thats a problem.
    And I want to say one thing that I think a lot of people deal with, just because he is a super nice guy to you doesn’t mean he is the ‘right guy’ for you.

    Sense of humor is a big deal for me, and I think it is for you too. If a guy can’t make me laugh or doesn’t laugh at my jokes, It’s hard for me to even want to be silly with them. I hate being serious all the time. You need to let loose and you should be able to with your significant other.

    Also, if he is possessive 6 hours away, imagine 5 minutes away.

    Now, I’m not saying you should break up with him, I only know him through what you write and it is obviously your decision but you need to be yourself with someone you’re with and you should think about if you aren’t yourself.

    You’re young, he might not like drinking but he should accept that you do, and you’re going to want to have a couple of drinks with your girlfriends and get crazy, since this is the time to do it.

    The food aspect I think is fine. You don’t have to like the same foods but honestly you should be able to eat whatever you want to eat. It’s bad if he starts telling you, you CAN’T do things. That’s when I would really think things over.

    Hope this helps, just my opinion but it is your life. Good luck!

    1. I think you’re right. I don’t think he is exactly compatible. But he totally does accept me for who I am and doesn’t try to change me at all. You make a good point about the whole thing about being nice/not being right for me. But sense of humor is a HUGE thing. And also right about if he were just five minutes away.
      Your opinion does help a lot! I won’t breakup with him just yet, I want to keep giving him more of a fair chance and seeing how we are when we’re physically together, but thank you so much for commenting and trying to help!
      What would you do in this situation?

      1. No problem. And honestly, it takes a lot for me to get into a relationship and I trust my judgement on people so if I let him in, I would get him a chance. See how it goes. This is a new relationship so I would give it time, like you said you would. But I would give myself a limit because I wouldn’t want to be dealing with the same stuff and not knowing what to do in 6 months. ya know

  2. I agree with behindthescenes Sam and I have a lot of differences. Sam is very logical (I am very abstract and intuitive) he’s also a genius so there are times he is talking to me and I have no idea what he’s going on about. He never makes me feel stupid though. That said he does have a sense of humor and humor has really been a saving grace. Being able to just be stupid with each other is a great stress relief. We wrestle, joke, break into random song and dance and I think being able to have fun is important. Of course some people take longer to open up. He might be trying so hard to impress that he is not allowing himself to unwind. Have you ever seen him around his own friends? In more natural laidback settings? The possessiveness is worrisome because it could get much worse in proximity I have even seen it get dangerous, in the beginning of relationships in that honeymoon phase couples do spend a lot of time together. If you feel already like he is just too dang close he might not be the one. I am not saying you don’t need alone time because we all do but if at this stage you already feel cramped it could be a sign. Sam and I still spend a lot of time together but it’s like we are so comfortable that we don’t have to do or be anything there is no performance aspect we can just be in the same room doing our own shit (we also eat icecream together haha but he don’t like all the same foods man could eat sandwiches every day of his life for every meal). Of course I still need time when the apartment is all mine and so does he but where as other people bother me within hours I like having Sam around. I knew he was the one when I didn’t want to punch him in the face and tell him to fuck off after a while because I usually like a lot of space. What does nice guy say about you hanging out with other people? Does he ask you to curb your social habits? Does he judge any of your friends? Sam is very cool about my social life (not that I have much of one but he encourages it) there was only one time he actually really hated a guy and it turned out that guy actually was a douchbag creep. Even if nice guy isn’t asking for change do you feel like you have to change for him? Notice you are starting to go against your nature to please him? Change is natural we do mature and such but I am talking more when you are changing for the wrong sorts of reasons.

  3. I think it’s safe to say we’re all going to agree on this one. It’s hard, you know, liking someone so much regardless of your differences. However, you guys are either going to find a way to work it out, or it’s going to bother you more and more. Those things you mentioned bother me for fucks sake. Sex is a PRIORITY. Me and The Drummer get down to business as soon as I walk through the door. Then, the night proceeds. That’s how it goes. I know from a woman side, whenever I have been turned down for sex in the past, I become very angry. Sex is important to me and that shit just won’t fly. Don’t hide your feelings from him though. He may seem possessive, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stand your ground assertively. You have to say, “Listen, Mr. Nice Guy. I care about you a lot, but there are some things in my life that I just won’t change for you. Having some drinks in a non abusive manner with my friends is perfectly acceptable and if you want this relationship to work, you are going to have to agree to disagree.” And the same thing goes for all the other problems. You aren’t an unhealthy person. Your life shouldn’t affect his. The Drummer BARELY drinks, but that doesn’t stop me from going out with my friends. I don’t have to drink around him-that doesn’t bother me. It’s a compromise. You are a smart and strong girl. Don’t forget to hold your head up high. Never let a man have the upper hand in the relationship. YOU are the prize. I don’t even care if I get shit for that statement lol

    1. No! You aren’t going to get any shit for that statement! Woman power! Hahaha but I have stood my ground and he does accept that I drink, I just feel like I’m completely changing his beliefs with that and he doesn’t even really want alcohol in the house, which I will most definitely have in my house! But you’re right, everybody does seem to be pointing towards a certain direction on this and I think you’re all right. And sex is a priority! It’s a huge part of a relationship

  4. Gosh, this is so hard. Sometimes just because someone is a great guy doesn’t mean he’s the *right* guy. It’s a cliché but only because it’s so true. There are some things that are important in a long term relationship and some things that aren’t– not eating the same sort of food is something you could probably work around if your sense’s of humor, level of neediness, and conversation styles were the same. But… if they aren’t? It’s hard to imagine things working out in the long term and every bit of time that passes in the meantime is possibly just delaying the inevitable :-/ Having to end a relationship is difficult on it’s own but without any sort of rage-filled catalyst or betrayal, I would imagine it’s even harder. Take your time and follow your gut.

    1. Thank you girl! You’re right, we could work around the minor things like the food, if we were the same or close to the same on the major aspects but we’re just not and I’m afraid at this point, it is just delaying the inevitable. Thank you so much for your input though (:

  5. I dunno, buddy. It doesn’t sound like a perfect match. But if everyone’s having fun, that’s cool. You can just see how it goes. My worry would be that he is a keen little bean and maybe feeling stronger than you just right now. Have you actually told him to woah there, cowboy, and hold his horses???

    1. I don’t think we are compatible, so you’re right on all the points you made. He does feel stronger most definitely and at the beginning of the relationship I told him I wanted to take things slow and that things would go slower for me. Also, when he brought up living together I’d told him I’d have to think about it. Before I see him, I’m honestly not jumping out of my skin excited. I mean I’m happy, but it’s not to the level that it should be for our circumstances. When I’m with him… it’s nice. We talked literally all night long when we were together, but again there’s not major passion there. I cried the last time he left though, so that bit is confusing.

  6. Also, how do you feel 1) when you’re with him 2) right before you see him 3) after you see him? There’s a lot to be learned from those feelings. X

  7. It sounds to me that you have already made your mind up, and are just looking for confirmation. He sounds like a nice guy, and that’s not to be dismissed. But you haven’t been dating all that long. It should be all sex and excitement at the moment. If you’re feeling like this so early on, then is it really a good natch. Hmm, it’s a tricky one.

    1. I think I have and was just looking for confirmation. You picked up on that before I did! You are so on point when you say it should be all sex and excitement at this point in the relationship. We’re still in the “honeymoon” phase but it doesn’t feel that way at all. The passion and sex and excitement isn’t there. But you’re right, he is a nice guy and has an amazing heart. I just don’t think it’s the one for me unfortunately.

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