I realized I’ve pretty much started this blog off with such a heavy bang, but there’s more to me than that. I’m a lot more uplifting, positive, bubbly, funny, sarcastic, hyper, sweet and… well a lot more than what I’ve posted on so far and I’m new on this blog thing so please feel free to take a seat on the follow button and enjoy the stories/rants and whatever else comes your way from me (: I can promise you won’t be let down! In fact, I’ll even end this with a joke that for some reason… just makes me laugh harder than it should.
How does Jesus make his tea?
Hebrews it!!! (ohhhh it just kills me.)
With all the love in my body,
We’ve all been there. Late at night, it’s quiet… the lights are low, the candles are burning and the window is open to allow in the new crisp air that is leading autumn into place, soft music is playing and all seems right with the world. But it’s not. I often find myself in these moments, with a head full of thoughts, a heart full of emotions and yet no answers coming out of my mouth. I am a firm believer in fate, karma and things happening for a reason and if it’s meant to be it’ll be, if not then it won’t. Tonight I’m thinking about my ex and wondering what he’s up to, if he’s thinking about me at all. In our current state it’s all about hate. He hates me and I hate him, so many harsh words were said and now we’re both beaten up and bruised. Although the last time we talked, he said something that struck a venomous chord in myself. There are not a lot of things that get me so heated, but he seems to know all those buttons that do, and I went off. I don’t regret what I said to him, because it all needed to be said and in all my anger and rage in that moment I wanted to delete him from my life more than anything. I wanted to block and delete him from facebook, delete our messages and delete his contact although I would recognize his number. I let myself cool down because I realized I was thinking out of spite. The next day however, I had found he had beaten me to the punch and deleted and blocked me off of facebook. When I needed him for something very important and possibly life changing that involved him, I had no choice but to text him. He chose to ignore it. Our relationship is a very complex and complicated one. We both butt heads and are both so stubborn and we get very heated and passionate.
My question is why do things have to end so bitterly between people? Why does it have to get to a point where they both hate each other? Does it really need to be that way? I get the whole fate thing where it may have just been it’s time to end, and I get things happen for a reason but what is that reason? I feel that if I saw him in public I would hide myself, or stand where I could see him but he couldn’t see me. Does it really have to be that way between people? I suppose it does, if you were in love. All I wanted was to not be with him, and I still don’t want to be with him, but these are still thoughts running through my mind this night… or most nights if I’m being honest. I heard a quote that I feel rings true to people, “Ex’s cannot be friends. If they can, they were never truly in love with each other or they still are.”
Why on our journey in life do we cross certain people and have it end so violently? It kills me to know now that that’s how it’s going to be between us. It’s crazy to me and I’m sure most of you that life can change with every breath we take. Him and I went from cuddling and cooking together and then… we were nothing, all on my part I may add. Why does life have to change so fast on us?
I have so many thoughts on this, but no clear way to express them. They could go on for hours, but at the same time they couldn’t.
With all the love in my body,
For four and a half years he was my world. It was one of those love/hate relationships that you always hear Pink singing about. Our song happened to be “Hot and Cold” by Katy Perry. We were one of those off again/on again relationships that people hate hearing about, but we didn’t do it all the time. We had our rocky times, and our amazing times. When we were good, we were great, and when we were bad… well, it was terrible. We shared a special connection, I will admit. We were high school sweethearts. We had our problems, just like every couple did. And we became so in sync with each others at times, while at other times we could rip each other’s head off. He was my first, with everything. However, just a mere few months ago I broke up with him, after we had gotten back together for a couple months. I needed to find me, I needed some me time and to do my own thing because I am a stubborn girl that likes to do things on my own and have my own independence. I wanted to experience life as a young girl with the world at her fingertips, not having experiences like that because I had been in a relationship for a good portion of my teen life. I broke it off badly, quickly, and didn’t really explain much of it. I just needed time to cool down and explain it to him, but he kept insisting and pressuring me about getting back together with me. I won’t bore you with those details. He never stopped being mad at me, yet at the same time he insisted he was “completely moved on” from me. We have a lot of bad communication, and I said things on my end and he said things on his end. I doubt we’ll either ever completely forgive each other, and we will never forget. He started a lot of it, calling me a (w)itch, called me disappointing, and then dirty for kissing another boy, while broken up may I add. His reasoning? He was my first kiss, so I shouldn’t have kissed another boy ever again, and that I broke our “special connection” that we had and he could never look at me the same again. However, during some of our breakups he kissed a couple girls, but it was okay because he had kissed a girl before we met so it wasn’t the same. I went off on him because when somebody attacks my character and says things like that to me, the sweetest person you will ever meet can turn their words into venom (hence my name whiskeyinateacupp). I’m realizing we’ll never have our memories feel the same way to us again, it all feels so jaded. It’s all a huge mess. So, tonight, with my emotions all amiss and feeling so broken, jaded, empty, lonely and enraged, I found a bottle of Butter Beer (from Harry Potter, for those of you who don’t know. They sell them now) that he had given me not that long ago and decided that it was time to let go. I grabbed the bottle and walked down the street. I took a deep breath, raised my hand and chucked the glass bottle into the street. And it shattered. The liquid flew across the street, as well as the glass. I could feel myself shatter with the bottle, because I just don’t know anymore. I felt a piece of glass fly towards my feet. I turned back around and quickly walked to my house, my heart pounding out of my chest. Just like the bottle, my emotions are in all different directions and even with the shatter… nothing seems resolved to me. There are so many words I can’t seem to find, no correct emotion I can grasp for… Anytime either of us try to pick up a piece of us and examine it, we both get cut by the sharp edges. It’s crazy to think in life, without a sound we could lose sight of the ground.
The following things are what I have been obsessed with for the week
- Pinterest. Because it’s the cats meow. It is the holy grail of life, a female’s bible, everything you need to know.
- Boho chic. Because sometimes you just need to have one hand in your pocket and the other throwing up a peace sign.
- Looking for love. Because we all get lonely, and let’s be real. Fall is romantic… can anybody say pumpkin patch dates with hot chocolate?
- Country boys. Because… well… they’re country boys. Enough said.
- E.L.F’s Vanilla & Coconut Lotion Wipes. Because they smell amazing and don’t leave a greasy residue.
- NYX Xtreme lip cream. Because for the price, the pigment is amazing and it doesn’t dry out your lips
- The county fair. Because it is the one time of year you get to shop, and eat unhealthy foods and it be completely acceptable.
with all the love in my body,
You know that saying “boys will be boys”? I think it’s true. Boys have a whole different mindset than girls do, and they function very differently. Men are so simple, that with our over-thinking, over-analyzing female brains, we tend to think men are complicated. Where in fact, men are so simple… it’s complicated to us. We can’t even begin to fathom how simple they view things. Females minds are like intricate spider webs, filled with multiple thoughts about even the tiniest of things. Like, for example, take nail polish (because I just painted my nails). You’re looking for a statement on your nails, something that says you are flirty and fun and you happen to have a few different shades of pink. Then you narrow it down, excluding the hot pink because that just isn’t making the right statement you want right now. You’re left with two colors. One is a coral pink, and the other is more of a pink pink. The shades are almost identical to each other, yet they’re so different. Finally, after careful consideration and maybe ten to twenty minutes later you have picked out your shade. Why do we do that? Why can’t it be simple? Because our brains are like intricate spider webs. If a man had to choose between two colors, it would be so simple. “I like that one better”. End of discussion, wouldn’t even take a second thought about it. And ladies, we all know we’ve had our moments after that long time of thinking about the decision between the coral pink or the pink pink, we have regrets and wish we had chosen the coral pink instead of the pink pink. And the funny thing about it is? Who really even notices our nails? Boys don’t notice them, let’s be real. They don’t go looking for pink pink colored nails, there is no guy who is going to want a girl to wear coral pink nail polish. They probably couldn’t even distinguish the two shades from each other, nor would they care to. Boys will never understand girls, and girls will never understand boys. This is due to the fact that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.