Tessellation

As the world is at a hush, a blanket of night falling over the day

Street and store lights bedazzle the infinite and dark blue in the sky

Dew starts forming on the quiet stillness as the bustle rolls away

The stars light up for us, twinkling like soft balls of fire

Brightness in the darkest hour, the moon illuminates outside

Guiding the light down, it makes its way through the window into the room

Soft shadows dance around us, creating a dusky vision

A sleepy you and a sleepy me lie awake, in a world of our own

While others’ chests are faintly heaving and eyes dreaming of lullabies

You are the cynosure of my eyes, a sureness in the unknown of night

And within the sheets two warm bodies covered, our love tessellates  

A sudden frisson explodes in the deepest part of me as your lips hit my bare back

Murmurs of the AC cause our legs to meet somewhere in the middle

Within the dreamy, seclusion of midnight two lives attach together

Every tingling touch, every whisper coming from somnolent lips

Our souls are playful, constantly going back and forth in the still moonlight

Two lovers’ secrets caught inside the discreet opaqueness of night 

 

 

 

I know this is different than my normal blogs, but I used to write poems a lot actually and felt in touch with that side tonight so I hope you enjoyed this! 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Part Two: Momma Mia

Meeting the parents. 

We’ve all been there. That place is nerve-wracking, anxiety provoking and throw up worthy. 

Especially if you’re a girl who is stealing a mom’s only son, whom she is very proud of and he happens to be in the Air Force. 

To her, you’re a little boy stealing, slut who just comes in and takes away her only son. 

That was me. I was that girl. 

Driving to the park to meet his mom and step dad, my mind was full of clutter, my heart pumping and my hands shaking. I knew his mom was a very strong lady, mentally wise. But I also knew she was very nice and sweet. I get there and it seems to be somewhat fine. She complimented me on my eyes, and I complimented her back for looking so young for her age, which she does. His step dad seems to be really cool and laid back. I then went back to their home to meet his three sisters, and one of the sister’s baby. His mom was talking with me, I was talking with one of the sisters and it was somewhat good. Then my nice guy suggests we go, because he wants to return a shirt that was really oversized. 

So, we go to the mall and are in and out between a couple of stores next to each other while he picks out some shirts. Then he ends up losing his wallet somehow, and somebody took it because we couldn’t find it. 

In his wallet, he had a bunch of cash, his credit card, his military ID and his social security card. First thing I told him to do was cancel his card. I knew on the inside he was freaking out but on the outside he kept calm. 

Due to my past experiences with my ex, I was waiting for the big freak out and for him to get extremely pissed and just shut down. 

But he didn’t. I cannot tell you how refreshing that was and just another reason why I love him. 

I took him to a restaurant called Panera (one of my absolute favorites) and bought him food for a change. He ended up loving it, and then I took him to that really romantic spot that overlooks some city lights with a little pond right below. It’s pretty peaceful and quiet and we talked, kissed and hung out. It was romantic and perfect with the moon looking down on us and him hugging me from behind. Thankfully, all of that calmed him down a bit. 

I learned some very disappointing news, though. Before his mom even met me, she already didn’t like me. 

Because I’m white. Mr. Nice Guy comes from a Hispanic family, even though he’s lighter skinned, some of his family is not. She seemed to be the only one who had a problem with me though because I’m white. 

Secondly, he didn’t spend much time with his family even though I told him too. She felt like he was abandoning her to be with me. 

Jesus. Thirdly, she’s going through menopause. 

I have it all going against me, really. 

She actually messaged me yesterday, a kind of rude message actually. 

The back story to what she’s saying is when Scott was looking for a shirt, he got down on one knee and I joked about him proposing to me. We went back to my house real quick so I could grab something and told my mom about the joke. Then it got to the topic on marrying and a good age and all that relationship/long distance stuff. I told her my ideal age to be married is no earlier than 26. 

So, my nice guy apparently went home and was telling his mom about this. 

I wake up to a message from her through Facebook saying “do me a favor and please do not try to get him to marry you just yet”. That’s how the message started and she basically said after that he’s too young and we’ve only been together a short time. His friends aren’t there for him the way his “real” family is. Then she asked me to stop texting him about it through my Facebook message box (whatever that meant, because I hadn’t posted anything about it at all on Facebook even through messaging) and then she said thank you. 

I responded back to her, very politely reassuring her telling her thatmarriage is the last thing on my mind and I’m not trying to steal her son away from her. There was no response back, which my nice guy said is good because it means I’ve made my point. He did however call her, and told her that it was time for him to grow up and he can’t be stuck in that place forever. 

She then proceeded to take away his bed at home and everything that she provides to him since he is so “grown up” now. I felt so terrible for him, but he said she would have done this with any girl. 

Monday was his last day here. On the way to his place to see him off really quick, my mood was fine even though a part of me was sad he had to leave. I didn’t feel any water works, or even thought I would cry. 

I got there and he came out to meet me in his uniform. 

Swoon. Again. 

So we’re walking a little bit, and then comes time to say goodbye. 

Boom. There goes the water works. 

I normally don’t cry in front of people because I always like to appear steady, calm and cool as a cucumber, but I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. All I wanted him to do was stay here, though I know he had to go back up. 

Thankfully in front of him, it was mostly just a few tears rolling down the cheek and it was hard to talk. 

When I got back in the car though, that’s when I really started crying. Monday I was pretty much exhausted from the weekend and so sad that he was gone. I was in bed all day, watching TV and sleeping. It was a very sad day. 

He ended up calling me once he got back to base and just hearing him on the phone made me cry. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, even though all I wanted was for him to be by my side. 

To top Monday off, our hot water went out. So that resulted in no shower after a long weekend, and washing my hair in ice cold water that felt like pins and needles going into my skull. 

Tuesday was a lot better though and I have made a full recovery. I’m still sad that he’s not here and his hand isn’t right next to mine whenever I need to hold it, but it’s one more day down until I get to see him again. 

Overall, our bond grew stronger and the weekend was one of the best weekends of my life. 

We started off as good friends and worked our way to lovers. Now, I consider him my best friend and lover all in one. 

Anytime we say something that upsets the other a little, we talk about it and a few minutes later we’re all good. We get over the stupid, trivial things fast and then we’re right back to joking around and flirting. Him and I both have this feeling that we’re going to be a great couple and I have a lot of faith in us. 

I hope all of you guys have had an amazing weekend and your weeks are going great and I look forward to catching up with all of you! 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Part One: A Night in the Motel

Yet again… I have been absent. I’m so sorry and I love you all and I miss you so very much, but after last weekend time has flown by! Monday and Tuesday I was recovering from the weekend and I didn’t even realize today was Thursday.

So, as you all know my nice guy came down for the weekend. I bet you’re all wondering how that went?

Well… freakin’ amazing.

For the most part.

So Friday night, I get home late from going out to eat with my best friend for dinner. Mr. Nice Guy arrived home around midnight, and we stayed talking on the phone for two and a half hours. I got to sleep, woke up around 6 to take my dad somewhere and got back to bed around 7. Woke up again at 10:30 to get ready for Mr. Nice Guy and he shows up at my door step.

In uniform. Uh, hello lover. My panties seemed to have dropped to the ground.

A uniform just makes any guy 10 times hotter than normal. I’m just saying.

He meets the whole family and the family just absolutely LOVES him. And it’s very hard to please my mom. We ended up driving down to the Santa Monica Pier/Venice Beach, which is about a 45 minute drive from my place.

Can I just say the traffic there is bullshit? It took me 45 to an hour just to find parking once we got there. Although, my nice guy was sweet because he was rubbing my leg, neck and playing with my hair to try and keep me calm. It helped a bit because as I’ve expressed before, I have road rage. Especially when people do not know how to drive.

So we walked down to the pier, and the sun was just above the water and anytime soon it was going to start going down. He could have had his first kiss right there. It would have been perfect, because he wanted something meaningful to be his first kiss. I mean, come on. Could it have gotten any more romantic?

Then he was hungry so we started walking around to try and find restaurants and finally found one. He paid, of course. After that, we walked around a little bit more before going back to the car.

We got closer to home and he started looking up motel rooms for us for the night.

We stopped at a CVS so he could pick up some condoms. I kid you not he stayed in the condom aisle for about ten to fifteen minutes trying to decide what not to get. I told him to get whatever as long as it wasn’t “thin” or “barely there” or whatever the hell else they call those type of condoms. Pretty soon an older couple, who were waiting for their medicine was laughing at me trying to get Mr. Nice Guy to get a condom, suggested jokingly that he get some magnums.

Oh lord.

I started laughing and so did Mr. Nice Guy. At this point I excused myself to go use the bathroom while he, still, stayed in the aisle. I made my way back to him and then we went to pay. True story.

We get to the motel room and it’s actually pretty night. He wanted to take a shower first, so I said fine and sat down on the bed. He took his shirt off and god damn, his back.

Yum.

My heart was pumping already and I suddenly became nervous as he hopped in the shower. Anybody can have meaningless sex, but when it comes to the real stuff? Baring your soul and stripping down everything mentally and physically, that’s hard to do.

After all the showering he comes out and sits down on the bed.

And right there in the motel, he had his first kiss.

So not romantic, right? Personally, I’m a fan of the more unique not so cliche/romantic kind of things. He wasn’t so happy about it, but I think it’s funny and cute and I love that.

We get down to it, and for the first time since my ex, I got some foreplay thank the lord.

Now… time for the not so amazing part.

It was not so good. I know it’s his first time and I’m totally excusing him and I’m not blaming it on him, but his kissing and all that… ay yi yi. He’s a big tongue user. He goes in with his tongue first, instead of his lips. He clangs teeth a lot. His mouth is bigger than mine, so when we did kiss he was pretty much taking in my whole mouth. He is not in the groove of kissing yet at all. It was kind of a turn-off.

But like I said, he’s a beginner so I excused him. Unfortunately, with the short amount of time we had, the teaching process is going to be delayed.

After I was finished, I told him it was his turn. Somehow he took that as I meant that we were done… so he ended up not finishing. I didn’t bring it up until later because he stayed in me for a little bit so I thought he was just quiet about it. Apparently not, though. I felt so bad. I don’t get how he mistook that though.

I woke up in the morning with hickies ALL over my chest and neck. Shit. Kind of made me upset since I’ve never had it that bad and would prefer not to have it that way ever again since my neck was extremely sore. I told him next time not to suck so hard and so much. My hickies are still fading away, and I’ve had them since Saturday night.

That was the not so good part. I know it’s going to be amazing though once he gets the hang of it. The passion that we already have with that? Damn. However, we stayed up until 7 AM talking and cuddling and some kissing.

We discovered that we actually like a good portion of music and even enjoy a really old, unpopular band that most people don’t know about. We also enjoy an old, unpopular movie very much and overall it was amazing just being in there with him all throughout the night, as the world faded away.

We had to wake up at 8 AM about, so we ended up getting about an hour of sleep. We stayed in bed until around 10:30, talking and listening to music and then got ready to check out at 11. I went home and he went home so we could do our own things and he could hang out with his family.

And part two is coming out soon…

Hope you enjoyed this part! Sorry for it being so long, but I have to share my life with you lovely readers and friends!

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Lover Land

I’m stubborn. 

I’ve said that time and time again. 

When I know what I want, I will stick with that and go for it. It’s hard to change my mind to be honest with you. 

So, when I told Mr. Nice Guy that I was very adamant on not becoming an official couple until we had some sort of physical connection, I meant it. I had only given him a friendly hug before. I also knew, in my head, that I wouldn’t be able to fall in love with him as he had fallen in love with me without any physical contact. I thought it was going to take months to fall in love with him because I’ve been jaded by love. 

But lo and behold… I quickly found myself falling for him.

I didn’t intend for it to happen, yet I’m here. Stuck in Lover Land, driving down Schnookums Ave in the back of a pink Range Rover with Cupid as the chauffeur. Everything has a pink tint to it in my rosy sunglasses and ain’t nothing gonna bring this girl down. 

Ain’t no way, no how. I will give you a nice right hook to the face with a dreamy grin on my lips.

Kidding. 

Somehow, someway all of that went out the window. The more I fought it and tried to keep a safe distance, the more I lost. 

It just sort of happened. I have no idea when or how, but I found myself wanting to tell him, all the time, that I loved him. 

I love him. 

It baffles me more than it baffles you, believe me. 

I had set rules. Rules that were needed in order to become a couple with him, in order to fall in love with him. However, as soon as I felt myself falling in love with him there was no point in waiting to make it official. 

So I did. I confessed all of this to my nice guy. We’re official now. 

This girl has found love. Surprisingly, amazingly, lovely, capturing, breath taking love. If it’s this amazing just over text and phone calls, I can’t wait to see how it is when we can hang out as a couple. 

My thoughts have completely belonged to him lately. 

He may be a gentleman, but so far from what we’ve gone over… he knows when to be a man in the bedroom. 

I’m happier than I’ve been in the longest time. I was doing perfectly fine without him, but now that he’s here I don’t want him to leave. 

It’s really insane. I was enjoying the single life and being alone. But Mr. Nice Guy is in the picture now and I have traded all that in without a second guess. 

Unfortunately, he couldn’t come home last week because his bosses didn’t turn in the paperwork in order for him to take leave. Hopefully this weekend he comes down with other people who are driving down this way. 

If he does, Saturday is date day. He’s also saying he’s ready for me to take his v-card, which might happen Saturday night. 

I’m kind of a bit nervous for that. Normally, I don’t care. But for one, this is a serious thing. It isn’t just a one night stand or a friends with benefits and I wouldn’t be nervous for that. This is the real deal, though. It’s meaningful. For two, I told him I’m not rushing or forcing him in to anything. He doesn’t have to do this if he doesn’t want to and I want him to take his time on deciding with this and making a million percent sure that this is what he wants. 

He says it is. 

Truthfully as happy as I am right now, there’s a little part of me that’s scared and nervous. 

I’m jaded by love. My last relationship wasn’t perfect or anywhere close to it. 

I feel very vulnerable. My nice guy is eventually going to work his way into the deepest, darkest parts of me and dig them all up. He’s going to learn about every inch and piece of me. All the secrets, everything that makes me tick in every way. We’ve only brought certain things to the surface and barely touched upon them. 

One night, talking about being bullied and my eating disorder I shed a few tears over the phone. He didn’t know because I never told him, but for the fact I even let that happen just knowing he was there is big for me. 

I know love is about being vulnerable, so here I am. I’m standing with my heart on my sleeve, open arms, and ready to bare all. 

I’m ready to try and be as open as Miley Cyrus’ mouth and va-jayjay. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Short & Sweet

Starting off this blog post with an apology! 

First, I’m sorry this is going to be short… a more detailed version will be out later today. I’m keeping it short and sweet for this post. 

I’m sorry I’ve been MIA again, but life suddenly swept me away with its tides and I’ve just been riding the waves lately, staying busy trying to keep up with everything. 

A lot has been going down in life and I’m trying to stay here, with it. Sometimes I feel as a blogger/writer we have to step away from our words for a bit and clear our head. We need to get our noses out of the screen or out of the pen and paper to see what’s really happening around us and enjoy it. 

I love writing and I love blogging, but personally for me there’s time when I just need to step away and actually live it. 

After all, if we don’t live our lives how they’re intended… how can we write about experiences? 

Before this blog completely gets off topic like I was about to do… I have very exciting news for you guys. 

You guys are reading the blog of a newly taken lady. 

A lady… who has fallen in love. 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

Opposites Attract

I’ve never been too sure of this statement. 

Opposites attract. 

Some days, I feel like that’s absolute bull. But then other days, it makes sense to me. 

Lately… it’s making perfect sense to me. 

Mr. Nice Guy and I am doing freakin’ amazing. The thing is though, he’s the opposite of me. 

I’m always going on and on about how I need a guy who is strong enough to handle me because I’m a handful, to say the least. Anybody who knows me personally knows this is true. One minute I’m this, the next I’m that and well you guys have read about me! So I used to say I need a guy who can match up to me, and keep up. Basically, a guy version of myself. A very dominant, strong male figure in my life. I’ve said I don’t want a guy to water me down at all. I was afraid my nice guy would do that. 

Mr. Nice Guy is not the male version of me. At all. 

He is… he is the stability. He’s the steadiness. He’s a rock. He’s more calm than I am. He’s solid. He’s strong. A gentleman. 

He doesn’t water me down. 

I believe he’s my balance. 

I believe I’m his balance. 

There’s a saying that I find applies to him and me. 

“I’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe.” 

This is us. I keep him wild and he keeps me safe. 

I am so happy I went for him. It reminds me of how my ex was when we were amazing. That showed me and made me remember what it felt like to actually be treated good. Actually, not good. Amazing. 

In this case, so far, I believe opposites attract for us. 

I can’t get over how happy I am at the moment. I am one of those people that hate talking over the phone unless I need an immediate response or is too complicated to text, but him and I talk on the phone a lot. Maybe two to five times a week, for an hour plus each conversation. I normally hate this. It just bugs me to sit down and talk on the phone because that limits what other stuff I could be getting done. Except with him, I don’t mind it. In fact, I like it. 

His voice has grown on me. I love listening to it. It’s not that deep, sex god voice but to me it’s… perfect. It’s soothing, comforting, easy going, laid back and calm. 

The last time I felt this way about a guy’s voice was my ex. I’m taking this as a good sign. 

During mine and Mr. Nice Guy’s conversations I’m pretty much smiling the whole time with parts of blushing and laughing. 

I don’t think I’ve been this genuinely happy with a guy in a long time. There is no questioning it, no lack of trust in any way, shape or form, and it just works. 

I admit, I had my doubts about him and I being together. I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle me or keep up, but he can. In a way, he also calms me down a little. 

He’s coming back home soon for a little bit before he has to relocate to San Francisco for six months. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to just hug him and take him in. 

I want to introduce him to my family. 

I live with my grandparents, plus parents, plus two brothers and my fur baby Annabelle. 

Bonus points? He said he’d take care of me and Annabelle. My dogs are my children and Annabelle is my fur baby and I go into mamma mode with her. We are a packaged deal and that’s a big deal for me with a guy. 

My grandparents and parents will LOVE him. 

From what I’ve told my mom, she says he’s the most gentleman-like guy I’ve talked to, along with the most respectable. 

She hated my ex. 

I can’t say enough good things and am writing this post out of giddiness. 

He’s my exception. 

-insert dreamy sigh here- 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

Out With the Old, In With the New

Sometimes I think as humans, we tend to hold on to things longer than we should.

I am a victim of that and I’ll admit it. I always have this hope for something and give it plenty of shots and chances. More than somebody with a sane brain should. 

Unfortunately for me, I am neither sane nor do I use my brain. 

Like I stated in a previous post, I follow my heart no matter what even if it leads me to troubling times. 

I told School Boy I was done Sunday night. First, he promised to meet up by Tuesday. We didn’t. 

Then he said we’d meet up by Friday. We didn’t. 

Finally, he promised we’d meet up by Sunday. Guess what? Still nothing. Although he had time to hang out with his friends. I was growing tired of this flaking out crap. 

Thanks to all of your guys’ opinions I realized something. 

He obviously wasn’t ready for commitment of any kind and I was. I am. 

So I told him all that. He didn’t put up any sort of a fight. 

As much as I had hoped we would get together and all the good things I know would’ve come or could’ve been. I knew I couldn’t wait around any longer. It sucked and I was really sad doing it, but I know there’s a great guy waiting for me who deserves somebody focused on him. 

I know I deserve better. A fellow blogger pointed out School Boy is like a reincarnation of my ex. 

That hit right at home. As soon as they spoke about that and I read it, that realization hit me. 

I don’t deserve that again and I will be nobody’s option or second choice. That’s what I was… to both of them. 

So, goodbye School Boy. 

Hello, Mr. Nice Guy. 

I’m still taking things slow between my nice guy and I. I want to make sure this is absolutely, hands down, 100% something I want to do. I want to make sure I’m for sure on dating somebody and can deal with being long distance for six months, with seeing him however much in between that. 

I know he’s loyal, faithful, honest and all that. He’s the only guy I have no doubts with. I would trust him with all of me in any type of situation with a girl that I normally would be worried about with a guy. 

He already is wanting to spoil me with gifts and things, even though I tell him that’s not necessary and it makes me feel bad when people spend a bunch of money on me. 

I told him that I am going to take a drive up to San Francisco closer to summertime to visit him if we work out, and he offered to pay for the hotel. 

He cooks. 

He cleans. He lived with his grandma for a bit and sometimes before she woke up he would have the house cleaned for her. 

Like, goddamn. 

He seems like the type of guy who comes from a perfect home where he had an amazing father figure. Where his parents loved each other dearly. As I’ve discovered though, that’s farther from the truth. 

His dad was actually in jail, and eventually died from alcoholism I believe if I remember that bit correctly. Mr. Nice Guy only got to visit him every three years. He grew up with his mom and other sisters. He was the only boy in the house, growing up with absolutely no father figure in his life. One ex husband of his mom’s actually beat her. He got to witness this and one time stood up for his mom. The step dad was going to hit him, but his mom then returned the favor of standing up for her son. 

His mom has this rule of kicking her children out when they turn 18. I disagree with this, but hey she’s doing something right to have her son turn out this amazing. 

He’s in the Air Force, a reservist studying medicine. When he’s going to San Fran, he’s putting his work of studying to be a LabTech to work. 

Soon, sometime this week… I will be able to see him. He’s going to come to my front door, dressed in his uniform to see me in the morning before I have to get ready for class. 

Panty dropper, right? 

While he’s here I plan on making his first kiss so memorable. 

Maybe it’s the fiesty side of me kicking in… but I want to rock this boy’s world in more ways than one. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo