Tag Archives: happiness

Enough

After breaking up with my nice guy, I felt things were once again at peace with my life. My emotions and gut feelings and instincts were at rest. I could tell it was the right thing for me to do. 

It’s been a week and a half since I broke up with him. 

But now there’s another inner storm arise inside of myself. 

The feeling of not being good enough or pretty enough for somebody. Anybody, in general really. 

For myself. 

I was doing so well and I don’t need a guy to tell me how beautiful I am for me to believe it. That’s not what this is getting at. However, I’m at a low point these past few days with feeling this. 

Some moments I don’t want to look in the mirror. 

Other moments I don’t want people to look at me or talk to me. 

Sometimes, a picture of my best friend will pop up and I think “she is incredibly gorgeous”. Then I feel like I’m in her shadow, the not-so-pretty best friend to her. It’s always been very clear that a lot more people are attracted to her. 

I’ve never been widely known as being gorgeous or anything to that extent. Sure, some guys and girls will say it but sometimes it falls on deaf ears to me. It’s like I don’t even want to hear it. 

I don’t want to be told that. Somehow it just stings. 

And I know I’m not ugly or bad looking. 

I just feel… not enough. 

For myself mostly. 

I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way because I have no reason to and I wish I didn’t. 

Nobody deserves to feel this way. Nobody deserves to feel not enough. 

Not good enough. 

Not pretty enough. 

Not enough. 

Because everybody is and I wish that everybody felt enough. 

I put on makeup nearly every day to try and fill the void inside me. Hoping each and every morning that it will cure everything. 

But it doesn’t. 

I hope it contours just right. I hope it makes my eyes shine well. I hope it makes my face look slimmer. I hope it hides my skin. 

I hope it hides the pain. 

Because not one single person, not even me, should be sitting in their room feeling unworthy, average, dull, and not enough on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Tessellation

As the world is at a hush, a blanket of night falling over the day

Street and store lights bedazzle the infinite and dark blue in the sky

Dew starts forming on the quiet stillness as the bustle rolls away

The stars light up for us, twinkling like soft balls of fire

Brightness in the darkest hour, the moon illuminates outside

Guiding the light down, it makes its way through the window into the room

Soft shadows dance around us, creating a dusky vision

A sleepy you and a sleepy me lie awake, in a world of our own

While others’ chests are faintly heaving and eyes dreaming of lullabies

You are the cynosure of my eyes, a sureness in the unknown of night

And within the sheets two warm bodies covered, our love tessellates  

A sudden frisson explodes in the deepest part of me as your lips hit my bare back

Murmurs of the AC cause our legs to meet somewhere in the middle

Within the dreamy, seclusion of midnight two lives attach together

Every tingling touch, every whisper coming from somnolent lips

Our souls are playful, constantly going back and forth in the still moonlight

Two lovers’ secrets caught inside the discreet opaqueness of night 

 

 

 

I know this is different than my normal blogs, but I used to write poems a lot actually and felt in touch with that side tonight so I hope you enjoyed this! 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Opposites Attract

I’ve never been too sure of this statement. 

Opposites attract. 

Some days, I feel like that’s absolute bull. But then other days, it makes sense to me. 

Lately… it’s making perfect sense to me. 

Mr. Nice Guy and I am doing freakin’ amazing. The thing is though, he’s the opposite of me. 

I’m always going on and on about how I need a guy who is strong enough to handle me because I’m a handful, to say the least. Anybody who knows me personally knows this is true. One minute I’m this, the next I’m that and well you guys have read about me! So I used to say I need a guy who can match up to me, and keep up. Basically, a guy version of myself. A very dominant, strong male figure in my life. I’ve said I don’t want a guy to water me down at all. I was afraid my nice guy would do that. 

Mr. Nice Guy is not the male version of me. At all. 

He is… he is the stability. He’s the steadiness. He’s a rock. He’s more calm than I am. He’s solid. He’s strong. A gentleman. 

He doesn’t water me down. 

I believe he’s my balance. 

I believe I’m his balance. 

There’s a saying that I find applies to him and me. 

“I’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe.” 

This is us. I keep him wild and he keeps me safe. 

I am so happy I went for him. It reminds me of how my ex was when we were amazing. That showed me and made me remember what it felt like to actually be treated good. Actually, not good. Amazing. 

In this case, so far, I believe opposites attract for us. 

I can’t get over how happy I am at the moment. I am one of those people that hate talking over the phone unless I need an immediate response or is too complicated to text, but him and I talk on the phone a lot. Maybe two to five times a week, for an hour plus each conversation. I normally hate this. It just bugs me to sit down and talk on the phone because that limits what other stuff I could be getting done. Except with him, I don’t mind it. In fact, I like it. 

His voice has grown on me. I love listening to it. It’s not that deep, sex god voice but to me it’s… perfect. It’s soothing, comforting, easy going, laid back and calm. 

The last time I felt this way about a guy’s voice was my ex. I’m taking this as a good sign. 

During mine and Mr. Nice Guy’s conversations I’m pretty much smiling the whole time with parts of blushing and laughing. 

I don’t think I’ve been this genuinely happy with a guy in a long time. There is no questioning it, no lack of trust in any way, shape or form, and it just works. 

I admit, I had my doubts about him and I being together. I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle me or keep up, but he can. In a way, he also calms me down a little. 

He’s coming back home soon for a little bit before he has to relocate to San Francisco for six months. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to just hug him and take him in. 

I want to introduce him to my family. 

I live with my grandparents, plus parents, plus two brothers and my fur baby Annabelle. 

Bonus points? He said he’d take care of me and Annabelle. My dogs are my children and Annabelle is my fur baby and I go into mamma mode with her. We are a packaged deal and that’s a big deal for me with a guy. 

My grandparents and parents will LOVE him. 

From what I’ve told my mom, she says he’s the most gentleman-like guy I’ve talked to, along with the most respectable. 

She hated my ex. 

I can’t say enough good things and am writing this post out of giddiness. 

He’s my exception. 

-insert dreamy sigh here- 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

A Broken Heart is Blind

Love makes us do all sorts of things. It makes us crazy, silly, sometimes better people, sometimes worse people. It makes us insane, giggly and sometimes terrified. We do all sorts of things when in love. Love is a funny thing. It messes with you physically, emotionally and mentally. It changes the way you think about things, for good and for bad. As I sit in a Starbucks at a mall tonight, I watch all the couples walk in and out. I watch the ones outside in the chilly air walking by the trees lit up with lights. They all seem so happy. I wonder all the dynamics of their relationship, because everybody meshes differently with different people. Have they ever felt a broken heart before? Are they just putting up a front with their happiness? Maybe they’re going through heartbreak right now, have been recently or will be in any second. Life changes with every breath we take. I sit here and wonder this because we all know a broken heart is blind, and unlike love, it can make you do ANYTHING. A broken heart will transform you into a person you never thought you could be. It makes you realize how bold you are. It definitely does to me. In a matter of a couple hours, I will be watching the look on my ex’s face as I drop off all of our memories with him. He’ll have the necklaces he gave me. The one with the key on it from his diary when he was a little boy, the one that held so much meaning. He’ll have the one with the diamond heart on it from our first Christmas. He’ll have the movie ticket of our first date/first time seeing each other. He’ll have a ticket from a party we went to together. He’ll have the promise ring he bought me for our one year anniversary. He’ll have all of our movie tickets. He’ll have all of his clothes back. He’ll have a pink teddy bear he gave/won for me back. I will be leaving it on his car for him for when he gets off of work because I want no contact with him. Maybe it’s a cowardly thing to do, give it to him like that instead of face to face. I will be sitting in my car far from his, watching the reaction on his face. He probably doesn’t think I’d ever do this. He wouldn’t expect me to have the balls to drive all the way out to his work to do this. I want to see the shock on his face. He probably is not expecting this. I’m currently on the fence of hating my ex. They do say love/hate is a fine line.

I can be a ballsy person when I’m feeling bold. I think we should all be sometimes. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage, 20 seconds can change your life. However, when you have a broken heart… you live on adrenaline. It courses through your veins. A broken heart is blind. Love is funny, I always wonder about it. One thing is for sure, I’m in love with love. It’s such a beautiful thing. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo