Face It

If you had the chance to get closure, would you?

Now before you go automatically saying yes, really think about it. Any sane person of course would say yes. I would too at first glance. Think about if you could go directly to the source of the problem years later and get the closure you needed, no matter what kind of closure it is and no matter what kind of situation it is.

If years had passed after the situation and you were finally starting to get on with your life the last year or so, after going through years of hell. Even though remnants of you are now partly missing and you could never fully get yourself back, you are healing and making up for the old bits and pieces with new shiny ones. You’ve just gotten a handle on yourself and had some time to rebuild and start new.

Would you then?

Would you dare?

At this point, some of you are black and white on the situation I’m sure. There are some who would point blank say no, they would never go back to that and then the rest may be thinking hell yes, why wouldn’t I?

Either answer is fine, but let me continue.

What if this was the cause of one of your biggest demons? Something that ate away at you for years, still showing its terror once in a while. While all those years, you begged to give the person that did this to you what for. You wanted to let them know the pain they had given to you and how much they had twisted your soul around.

You have the perfect chance after all these years to look this demon straight in the eyes and show them.

Are you brave enough?

Or in some way has sorting through your issues on your own been enough closure for you personally?

Maybe you worked through and found the closure yourself. But for some of us, the wounds never truly heal, we just find better ways to take care of it. Personally for me, my wound hasn’t truly healed after these last 6 years because I am left with a demon that will unfortunately be with me for the rest of my life. Tons of kids go through bully and unintentional psychological abuse that stays with them.

I’m one of those kids.

I was bullied for my looks, for my weight, for my personality from fourth grade to beginning of seventh grade and then I chose to be home schooled. I was bullied by my best friends at the time, not even kids I barely knew. It was the girls I thought were my friends, the ones I could trust. I didn’t have nearly as much money as them, and my looks were not as pretty as their fresh faces were.

I struggled with acne and weight and along in tow of that, was a low self-esteem so my personality was not as best as it could have been. From the few years of psychological trauma I went through, an eating disorder popped up. I would starve myself sometimes, starting at the young age of 11/12. I desperately wanted to fit in. These girls pressured me ruthlessly to be somebody I wasn’t. The eating disorder kicked my ass to the ground for a few years before it tapered off and I gained some normalcy back. Sometimes it pops up, but I’m a lot stronger now than I was then.

It has been 6 years since I spoke to one of the girls, the primary one that did this and all of a sudden the demon came knocking on my door with a Facebook friend request. I was torn for a little bit about whether or not I wanted to open the door, but being the nosey person I am, I did.

I hit the accept button.

When that request popped up, memories flooded back in my mind because it has been in the last couple of years that I am really regaining myself back. I am becoming whole again, with imperfections and flaws of course. There are still residual issues and problems I face with body dysmorphia all the time and eating disorder symptoms rarely these days.

But all throughout that time, I vowed to myself I would either never talk to those girls again in my life, or if I did I would give them a piece of my mind. I just never thought I would have the chance.

And even though the issue may be under wraps for you and closure isn’t so important at this point, would you sit down across from your demon and have a conversation with it?

Two chairs in one, dark room. One inhabits you and the other is your demon facing you, staring you back after all those years. Maybe the demon looks nothing like a monster and instead, looks like your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. Maybe the demon is a parent or a friend.

Maybe the demon is a reflection.

Somebody or something that doesn’t look threatening, and the thought of them doesn’t faze you. But now, all of a sudden you are right next to them. Are your palms sweating? Did the room get smaller? Darker? Maybe your throat closed up.

Having a conversation with a monster isn’t as easy as you thought it was.

All good things worth having, aren’t easy. If you somehow got the closure you needed by yourself, then why is it so hard to face it head-on?

Maybe we truly do need to conquer our demons and at the very least, make them smaller by conversing with them.

No matter who your demon is, they all need to be fought at some point.


How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World

I’ve been feeling down lately with my self-esteem. That’s been so hard for me to admit, because I was doing well since my last super down day that I had, where I was close to a relapse with my eating disorder. 

I keep pushing the thoughts from my head. Those little nagging, bitchy, catty thoughts critiquing every single thing that are inside my brain. As I push them aside, I try to form a smile and move on with life because I’ve learned that if you feed into these thoughts, they will come back and they will come back to suffocate you. So I try not to dwell on them for too long because that’s what could really kill you and spin you down into a spiral you can’t get out of.

We live in an ugly, ugly, ugly world. One that focuses on physical attributes more than anything else. It has this expectation of us to look a certain way.

We live in a world with bullies. Bullies start all the way from kindergarten and unfortunately, continue on like that the rest of their lives. Bullying is just amazing to me, how some people can put down other people for the way they were born. Nobody has control for the way they were born. Don’t pick on somebody for how they look or how they act. I was bullied for a few years, by my closest friends actually. I was overweight, ever since I was born. So, one of them came up with “meal plans” for me that I should be eating in order for me to fit into popular brands, so I could be like her. Abercrombie & Fitch. Hollister. Juicy. Justice (Limited 2), etc. But even if I could have fitted into those clothes, she knew I could never afford them. They also lied to me about hanging out behind my back because I was “boring”. I was too self-conscious to do anything with them, or to be outgoing, and much, much more bullying. All in 4th-7th grade. 

There are plenty of people in this world who have been bullied in some way, shape or form for whatever stupid reason. It’s so sad and so absolutely ridiculous because it’s unnecessary, and that’s an understatement. 

I was watching a video titled “How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World” by a makeup artist that I watch, and she made a good point. She said that when she’s walking by a girl, she’ll comment to them that she loves their hair or their dress or something like that. The reason she does this is so sweet. We don’t realize it, but chances are that’s the only positive thing that girl has heard all day. We all need some positive comments once in a while, and some of us don’t get them near enough. 

Everybody has something amazing about themselves, whether you keep it hidden away or not. Whether you know it or not. But it’s there, you may not see it, but other people do if you show them. 

One step is that you can’t dwell on the bad things, as I said earlier. It’s toxic and poisonous. I’m sitting here writing all of this in a big t-shirt, shorts and a messy bun on my head with no makeup. I could eat myself with thoughts about how bad I probably look, when in reality, I probably don’t look that bad. But our brains don’t work that way. Instead, I’m going to focus on the good things about myself, as you all should. I choose to focus on my eyes, they’ve always been a strong suit. A bright, twinkling blue that changes from blue to blue/green to green to almost a gray depending on my makeup and the lighting and what I’m wearing. So maybe you have a great smile, great legs, are smart, have great cleavage, pretty eyes, amazing hair, can write poetically, spit out numbers like no tomorrow, own it. Own what you’re working with! 

The second step is to do something that makes you genuinely happy inside, whatever it is. When you feel happy inside, you radiate it on the outside. A happy person is the most beautiful person. When you feel happy with your surroundings and what you’re doing, you’re going to forget the bad about yourself and enjoy being in your own skin. 

Do something every day that makes you happy. 

If this world could stop just half the negativity, I think we’d all be in a better place. 

My final piece of advice is to focus on the positive. I can’t stress enough that if you let your bad thoughts consume yourself, they will swallow you into a black hole. I know we all have our down moments and that’s okay, but just remember: 

Even the stars need some darkness to shine. 

You’re all beautiful and amazing people, take that to heart. Too often we forget the positive compliments and zone in to the negative ones. 

We got this and can get through it together, and I’m right here by your side if you need a hand to help. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo


Barbies should be reconstructed in my opinion. Her body is actually very unhealthy and anatomically impossible. Her frame wouldn’t be able to fit all the needed organs in her abdominal area and of course, her boobs are humongous. Isn’t it funny, though? That growing up as a little girl, Barbies were there to keep you company and for you to have a role model. Why is it that these days our role models are stick thin? Where have the curves gone? Since when is it mandatory to have a thigh gap or to have all your bones showing? How are we supposed to have the skinniest mid-section/legs/arms but have huge boobs and amazing backside? Sure, some women are blessed to have these bodies naturally and good for them, but the point is that in order to attain all that most of us would need plastic surgery, which brings me to my next thing. Why can’t people just be happy the way they are? If celebrities didn’t use plastic surgery or botox or liposuction, they’d look a hell of a lot more like us. 

Society says they want to try to make girls feel better about themselves, yet any type of advertisement the girls are fake! They have airbrush, makeup/hair artists, photoshop and etc. Since when is that realistic? Because it’s not. Just the other day I heard something that somewhere in England for a magazine company, they wouldn’t use an ad of a celebrity because it was too photoshopped. GOOD FOR THEM. Why can’t the rest of us be like that? Why are we constantly putting out the message that we have to look like airbrushed goddess 24/7? I know I personally have days where I look like a cave woman, because everybody does, but that’s okay! We can’t be perfect all the time, and at the same time… nobody is perfect. The girl in the magazine doesn’t even look like the girl on the magazine. 

And don’t feel like all this is coming from some girl’s mouth who doesn’t have a problem in the world with her looks, because I do. For a few years I suffered from an eating disorder due to being overweight and bullying from friends who I thought were my best friends. I remember one time in junior high, I was friends with this guy and we were talking a lot and I stuck by his side because I was new to the area and didn’t really know anybody else. I was walking with him one day and I said “You don’t want to be seen with me, huh? Because of the way I look.” And he said yeah. That was a real boost to my self-esteem (note the sarcasm). I’m also bullied by my mom, still to this day. She is constantly down my back about my weight. I’ll be the first to say I have curves, but she doesn’t even know about my eating disorder/act like she cares because all she wants me to do is lose weight.

Girls, you ARE beautiful and don’t let anybody ever tell you otherwise. Everybody is beautiful. If you’re going through bullying right now of any sort or an eating disorder learn from this. You will become stronger, remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You can get through this, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s society that has the ugly problem. If you have some curves, so what?! Celebrate them. More to love! And just know, you aren’t the only one going through this so if you ever need or want to talk to somebody, even me, there are always people out there with the same problem who are willing to listen and maybe they could benefit from the talk too! 

With all the love in my body, 


My 7 Obsessions <3

Seems like just yesterday I was writing this, even though it was a week ago. Time flies fast when you’re busy. 

  • Hope. Because these days all I’m living off of is hope. 
  • Healthy foods. Because let’s face it, I need to lose some weight and we should all live healthy 
  • Candles. Because there’s something about the soft scents and the gentle flicker of light. 
  • The 1975. Because I have discovered this band this week and they are AMAZING 
  • Oversized sweaters. Because they are so cute and so warm. 
  • Gray nail polish. Because it just looks so fresh, especially paired with a dark metallic blue! 
  • Hobby Lobby. Because if you know about this store… you know. This store is like a home decorators crack. I love to decorate, I wish I had money to redecorate my room! 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo