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Guidelines for an FWB

Since my last how-to post about getting over an FWB has been one of my most commented and liked posts, I’ve decided to give you guys some rules or guidelines. It seems a lot of you, like myself, got trapped in something you were never intended to be trapped into. Having a friends with benefits is really tricky and isn’t for everybody, I know this. Here below are some things that I followed and mentally did when I had one.

  • Now, I know within the name it says “friends” but this is one of the biggest tricks. You can be close with them, but keep it at a distance. If you are telling them everything, always confiding in them and doing everything together like best friends… when you put sex into that equation feelings are going to spark up. There is a fine line for this friend to be able to get the benefits from you.
  • Pick somebody who you normally wouldn’t date. This has to be somebody that you’ve never had feelings for and if you did at one point you are totally and completely over them. There has to be things within this person that you would never want to deal with if you were a couple. Of course you need to be attracted to them because of well, obvious reasons but this doesn’t mean you should want to marry them.
  • Personally, if I was having sex with a guy just purely for sex and he genuinely complimented me during the act on my appearance/myself/not sex related, I blocked it out. Also, if he or she calls you baby repeatedly during these wonderful acts, you might want to block those names out as well. This is a very personal preference but knowing myself, I would have developed some sort of tiny emotional bond that could become more and I didn’t want that. Something like this may not effect everybody, but if it does just accept the compliment and continue doing what you’re doing without giving it any thought.
  • Do NOT start having sex with somebody right after you’ve broken up with your significant other. At this point you’re just looking to fill the void within you and this poor sucker is going to fall into that black hole unintentionally. It will be unfair to him/her because you’ve said you’re just looking for sex, so were they and then all of a sudden bam! You’re imagining wedding dresses and engagement rings. No. Back it up and as always, eat some Ben and Jerry’s first. Let those friends take care of you first before you try to take care of your freak flag before it’s ready to be flown again.
  • Love yourself. This may sound like a weird piece of advice to give, but let me elaborate. So many people frown upon one night stands or having sex just to have sex, but as humans we have needs. Do not go out to have sex to try and make you feel better about yourself. Do not put your lips on another’s hoping to bury your struggles or whatever you’re going through. Learn to love you. If you want sex because you want sex, go for it. If there are ulterior motives behind why you are getting in somebody else’s bed then it’s not going to go well for you in the long run.

These rules may not apply to everybody and like I stated before, this is just what helped me. I hope it helps all of you and you can enjoy sex without having to be tied down if that’s what you don’t want at the moment.

Everybody deserves sexy time.

However, if this all fails and you seem to have fallen in the trap you can click on this post and it will hopefully help you to recover from the fall.

How To Get Over an FWB

How To Get Over an FWB

For those of you who don’t know, an FWB is a “friend with benefits”. I’m sure we’ve all had them, and while we did we cherished those moments so. You were getting your craving out of the way, while not being tied down and having all the works of a relationship. Some may say it’s the best thing you can do in life.  

However, like all our parents warned us, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. 

Like most kids, though, do we ever really take our parents’ advice? Nope. 

It really is all fun and games in the beginning. You think you’re ready for this and you can do it. After all, it’s just sex… right? 

So for a while, things are going great. But then you find yourself sitting in a bubble bath with your little rubber ducky friend, horribly singing along to a song. Suddenly, certain lyrics come out of the song. As you sing them, they register in your brain. The lyrics start sinking in, oozing to the depths of your brain. 

You’ve come to a realization. 

It isn’t just sex anymore. Was it ever really just sex, though? Was there a little part of your brain that wanted to be more? Maybe you thought sex was better than not having a relationship at all? So you convinced yourself that it was okay and you could handle just being a friend with benefits. 

That isn’t the case, though. It doesn’t work like that. There’s more to it there on your end than there is on their end and inevitably it’s going to end bad. They just don’t feel the same way. They see it as what they’ve thought you’ve always seen it as: just sex. 

The feelings will remain there for a while, trust me.

It’s going to suck as much as a girl on her period not getting that damn chocolate. 

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to convince myself that I could be an fwb to a guy I had feelings with, just so I could in any way be with him. However, in the long run that resulted me taking my anger out with my knife and jelly on a piece of bed. He’s a long story. 

But I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to move on. Or at least subside those feelings so that you don’t end up exploding on him. Especially if he’s with his new girlfriend. That could end very, very bad. Either for him, me, her or all three of us. 

Here’s what you need to think about. You belong in a relationship with somebody who isn’t going to lie to you and/or just use you for sex. Sure, if really all you want is sex then go for it. On the other hand, if you want more than sex, it really isn’t going to work. 

They don’t see you that way right now, and it’s best to reevaluate your thoughts. Don’t put yourself in that position where you answer every booty call, and when you return back to your own bed you feel sick. You feel sick knowing you would do anything for that person and be there for them no matter what. You feel sick because you know they don’t see you like that. To them you’re just a sweet, tasty doughnut. Something that’s nice every once in a while and only when they’re craving it. 

You deserve a relationship where the feelings go both ways. Don’t string yourself along hoping for the best. As hard as it’s going to be, you have to cut yourself off from them. When you realize you have the power in your hands to say no to being their booty call only when they want it, it will be amazing. Don’t make them a priority when you’re only an option. It’s not worth the pain and heartbreak, trust me. 

It’s all fun and games until you end up in a jail cell for getting caught keying his car when you find out he has a whole different girl on the side. 

Nobody wants to be sitting next to “Olga” with the big, scary Sasquatch sized everything and that deep as a mofo voice. That’s scary. Watch out, she’s looking for a cuddle buddy and you’re the next on her list. 

So, just remember that you will find a guy who will want to be in an actual relationship with you, your rubber ducky and your horrible singing.

Sometimes you have to get rid of the old so you can make room for the new.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo