Tag Archives: humor

Guidelines for an FWB

Since my last how-to post about getting over an FWB has been one of my most commented and liked posts, I’ve decided to give you guys some rules or guidelines. It seems a lot of you, like myself, got trapped in something you were never intended to be trapped into. Having a friends with benefits is really tricky and isn’t for everybody, I know this. Here below are some things that I followed and mentally did when I had one.

  • Now, I know within the name it says “friends” but this is one of the biggest tricks. You can be close with them, but keep it at a distance. If you are telling them everything, always confiding in them and doing everything together like best friends… when you put sex into that equation feelings are going to spark up. There is a fine line for this friend to be able to get the benefits from you.
  • Pick somebody who you normally wouldn’t date. This has to be somebody that you’ve never had feelings for and if you did at one point you are totally and completely over them. There has to be things within this person that you would never want to deal with if you were a couple. Of course you need to be attracted to them because of well, obvious reasons but this doesn’t mean you should want to marry them.
  • Personally, if I was having sex with a guy just purely for sex and he genuinely complimented me during the act on my appearance/myself/not sex related, I blocked it out. Also, if he or she calls you baby repeatedly during these wonderful acts, you might want to block those names out as well. This is a very personal preference but knowing myself, I would have developed some sort of tiny emotional bond that could become more and I didn’t want that. Something like this may not effect everybody, but if it does just accept the compliment and continue doing what you’re doing without giving it any thought.
  • Do NOT start having sex with somebody right after you’ve broken up with your significant other. At this point you’re just looking to fill the void within you and this poor sucker is going to fall into that black hole unintentionally. It will be unfair to him/her because you’ve said you’re just looking for sex, so were they and then all of a sudden bam! You’re imagining wedding dresses and engagement rings. No. Back it up and as always, eat some Ben and Jerry’s first. Let those friends take care of you first before you try to take care of your freak flag before it’s ready to be flown again.
  • Love yourself. This may sound like a weird piece of advice to give, but let me elaborate. So many people frown upon one night stands or having sex just to have sex, but as humans we have needs. Do not go out to have sex to try and make you feel better about yourself. Do not put your lips on another’s hoping to bury your struggles or whatever you’re going through. Learn to love you. If you want sex because you want sex, go for it. If there are ulterior motives behind why you are getting in somebody else’s bed then it’s not going to go well for you in the long run.

These rules may not apply to everybody and like I stated before, this is just what helped me. I hope it helps all of you and you can enjoy sex without having to be tied down if that’s what you don’t want at the moment.

Everybody deserves sexy time.

However, if this all fails and you seem to have fallen in the trap you can click on this post and it will hopefully help you to recover from the fall.

How To Get Over an FWB

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Part One: A Night in the Motel

Yet again… I have been absent. I’m so sorry and I love you all and I miss you so very much, but after last weekend time has flown by! Monday and Tuesday I was recovering from the weekend and I didn’t even realize today was Thursday.

So, as you all know my nice guy came down for the weekend. I bet you’re all wondering how that went?

Well… freakin’ amazing.

For the most part.

So Friday night, I get home late from going out to eat with my best friend for dinner. Mr. Nice Guy arrived home around midnight, and we stayed talking on the phone for two and a half hours. I got to sleep, woke up around 6 to take my dad somewhere and got back to bed around 7. Woke up again at 10:30 to get ready for Mr. Nice Guy and he shows up at my door step.

In uniform. Uh, hello lover. My panties seemed to have dropped to the ground.

A uniform just makes any guy 10 times hotter than normal. I’m just saying.

He meets the whole family and the family just absolutely LOVES him. And it’s very hard to please my mom. We ended up driving down to the Santa Monica Pier/Venice Beach, which is about a 45 minute drive from my place.

Can I just say the traffic there is bullshit? It took me 45 to an hour just to find parking once we got there. Although, my nice guy was sweet because he was rubbing my leg, neck and playing with my hair to try and keep me calm. It helped a bit because as I’ve expressed before, I have road rage. Especially when people do not know how to drive.

So we walked down to the pier, and the sun was just above the water and anytime soon it was going to start going down. He could have had his first kiss right there. It would have been perfect, because he wanted something meaningful to be his first kiss. I mean, come on. Could it have gotten any more romantic?

Then he was hungry so we started walking around to try and find restaurants and finally found one. He paid, of course. After that, we walked around a little bit more before going back to the car.

We got closer to home and he started looking up motel rooms for us for the night.

We stopped at a CVS so he could pick up some condoms. I kid you not he stayed in the condom aisle for about ten to fifteen minutes trying to decide what not to get. I told him to get whatever as long as it wasn’t “thin” or “barely there” or whatever the hell else they call those type of condoms. Pretty soon an older couple, who were waiting for their medicine was laughing at me trying to get Mr. Nice Guy to get a condom, suggested jokingly that he get some magnums.

Oh lord.

I started laughing and so did Mr. Nice Guy. At this point I excused myself to go use the bathroom while he, still, stayed in the aisle. I made my way back to him and then we went to pay. True story.

We get to the motel room and it’s actually pretty night. He wanted to take a shower first, so I said fine and sat down on the bed. He took his shirt off and god damn, his back.

Yum.

My heart was pumping already and I suddenly became nervous as he hopped in the shower. Anybody can have meaningless sex, but when it comes to the real stuff? Baring your soul and stripping down everything mentally and physically, that’s hard to do.

After all the showering he comes out and sits down on the bed.

And right there in the motel, he had his first kiss.

So not romantic, right? Personally, I’m a fan of the more unique not so cliche/romantic kind of things. He wasn’t so happy about it, but I think it’s funny and cute and I love that.

We get down to it, and for the first time since my ex, I got some foreplay thank the lord.

Now… time for the not so amazing part.

It was not so good. I know it’s his first time and I’m totally excusing him and I’m not blaming it on him, but his kissing and all that… ay yi yi. He’s a big tongue user. He goes in with his tongue first, instead of his lips. He clangs teeth a lot. His mouth is bigger than mine, so when we did kiss he was pretty much taking in my whole mouth. He is not in the groove of kissing yet at all. It was kind of a turn-off.

But like I said, he’s a beginner so I excused him. Unfortunately, with the short amount of time we had, the teaching process is going to be delayed.

After I was finished, I told him it was his turn. Somehow he took that as I meant that we were done… so he ended up not finishing. I didn’t bring it up until later because he stayed in me for a little bit so I thought he was just quiet about it. Apparently not, though. I felt so bad. I don’t get how he mistook that though.

I woke up in the morning with hickies ALL over my chest and neck. Shit. Kind of made me upset since I’ve never had it that bad and would prefer not to have it that way ever again since my neck was extremely sore. I told him next time not to suck so hard and so much. My hickies are still fading away, and I’ve had them since Saturday night.

That was the not so good part. I know it’s going to be amazing though once he gets the hang of it. The passion that we already have with that? Damn. However, we stayed up until 7 AM talking and cuddling and some kissing.

We discovered that we actually like a good portion of music and even enjoy a really old, unpopular band that most people don’t know about. We also enjoy an old, unpopular movie very much and overall it was amazing just being in there with him all throughout the night, as the world faded away.

We had to wake up at 8 AM about, so we ended up getting about an hour of sleep. We stayed in bed until around 10:30, talking and listening to music and then got ready to check out at 11. I went home and he went home so we could do our own things and he could hang out with his family.

And part two is coming out soon…

Hope you enjoyed this part! Sorry for it being so long, but I have to share my life with you lovely readers and friends!

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Lover Land

I’m stubborn. 

I’ve said that time and time again. 

When I know what I want, I will stick with that and go for it. It’s hard to change my mind to be honest with you. 

So, when I told Mr. Nice Guy that I was very adamant on not becoming an official couple until we had some sort of physical connection, I meant it. I had only given him a friendly hug before. I also knew, in my head, that I wouldn’t be able to fall in love with him as he had fallen in love with me without any physical contact. I thought it was going to take months to fall in love with him because I’ve been jaded by love. 

But lo and behold… I quickly found myself falling for him.

I didn’t intend for it to happen, yet I’m here. Stuck in Lover Land, driving down Schnookums Ave in the back of a pink Range Rover with Cupid as the chauffeur. Everything has a pink tint to it in my rosy sunglasses and ain’t nothing gonna bring this girl down. 

Ain’t no way, no how. I will give you a nice right hook to the face with a dreamy grin on my lips.

Kidding. 

Somehow, someway all of that went out the window. The more I fought it and tried to keep a safe distance, the more I lost. 

It just sort of happened. I have no idea when or how, but I found myself wanting to tell him, all the time, that I loved him. 

I love him. 

It baffles me more than it baffles you, believe me. 

I had set rules. Rules that were needed in order to become a couple with him, in order to fall in love with him. However, as soon as I felt myself falling in love with him there was no point in waiting to make it official. 

So I did. I confessed all of this to my nice guy. We’re official now. 

This girl has found love. Surprisingly, amazingly, lovely, capturing, breath taking love. If it’s this amazing just over text and phone calls, I can’t wait to see how it is when we can hang out as a couple. 

My thoughts have completely belonged to him lately. 

He may be a gentleman, but so far from what we’ve gone over… he knows when to be a man in the bedroom. 

I’m happier than I’ve been in the longest time. I was doing perfectly fine without him, but now that he’s here I don’t want him to leave. 

It’s really insane. I was enjoying the single life and being alone. But Mr. Nice Guy is in the picture now and I have traded all that in without a second guess. 

Unfortunately, he couldn’t come home last week because his bosses didn’t turn in the paperwork in order for him to take leave. Hopefully this weekend he comes down with other people who are driving down this way. 

If he does, Saturday is date day. He’s also saying he’s ready for me to take his v-card, which might happen Saturday night. 

I’m kind of a bit nervous for that. Normally, I don’t care. But for one, this is a serious thing. It isn’t just a one night stand or a friends with benefits and I wouldn’t be nervous for that. This is the real deal, though. It’s meaningful. For two, I told him I’m not rushing or forcing him in to anything. He doesn’t have to do this if he doesn’t want to and I want him to take his time on deciding with this and making a million percent sure that this is what he wants. 

He says it is. 

Truthfully as happy as I am right now, there’s a little part of me that’s scared and nervous. 

I’m jaded by love. My last relationship wasn’t perfect or anywhere close to it. 

I feel very vulnerable. My nice guy is eventually going to work his way into the deepest, darkest parts of me and dig them all up. He’s going to learn about every inch and piece of me. All the secrets, everything that makes me tick in every way. We’ve only brought certain things to the surface and barely touched upon them. 

One night, talking about being bullied and my eating disorder I shed a few tears over the phone. He didn’t know because I never told him, but for the fact I even let that happen just knowing he was there is big for me. 

I know love is about being vulnerable, so here I am. I’m standing with my heart on my sleeve, open arms, and ready to bare all. 

I’m ready to try and be as open as Miley Cyrus’ mouth and va-jayjay. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Survive Valentine’s Day

It’s that time of the season again. 

Chick flick trailers are coming non-stop on TV, all the chocolate and teddy bears are in stores, everything is pink and red and alive with the magic of l-o-v-e

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching and just around the corner for all the cute little lovebirds happily waiting to celebrate it. Getting all dressed up, going to a nice fancy restaurant, opening up presents, maybe a movie and then going back home to some baby makin’ music and getting down with sexy time. Sounds good, right? 

Except for anybody who is single. But lucky for you, I’ve got some how-to advice on how to cope with wanting to strangle cupid and wanting to throw a grenade in the hopes of killing all couples within a five mile radius of you. 

In my opinion, honestly, Valentine’s Day isn’t a big deal for me being single. I’m still happy for everybody who gets to celebrate it with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Good for them and more to ’em! 

This is the second Valentine’s Day I will be single. Personally, I could care less. I don’t NEED a man in my life to make me happy. Never let your happiness depend on a person, like ever. I have always thought this way. I never needed my ex, I wanted him. There’s a difference. You don’t need a person, at least you shouldn’t. You should want them instead. 

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of dealing with Valentine’s Day as a single. Here are some positives.

-Who needs the stress of trying to find the perfect present? Forget that! That’s pretty self-explanatory. 

-If you’re a single girl on this holiday… consider yourself envied of. While other girls are shaving, putting on a bunch of make up, taking hours to make sure their hair is perfect, trying on twenty different outfits and having their clothes thrown every which way in their room, well you could be saving yourself all this trouble. I’m honestly looking forward to not having to shave or having the stress of looking absolutely amazing. You can be stress-free and all hakuna mutata. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Look like a hot mess if you want to! Besides, the leg hair could keep you warm while the rest of the girls are out freezing their asses off! I say that’s a win by itself. 

– You’ve always got chocolate. Just pound that shit down on Valentine’s day. Stock up before hand, pop in some movies and have a go. You don’t need somebody to buy you chocolate! Empowerment, people! We can buy our own damn chocolate and enjoy it just as much! And also you don’t have to share it with anybody. It’s all yours, baby. 

– Have a girls’ night or boys’ night. I’m hanging with my best friend, maybe going out to dinner and then strolling around in this gorgeous outside mall, or hitting up the beach for the day and eating at some cafe. If you’re with somebody that makes you laugh and you have a good time with them, that’s all that matters. If you’re a girl going out to eat with other girls, then look at it this way. You can eat all the food you want without worrying you look like a pig. 

– Take this day as a day to celebrate YOU. Do whatever you want to do. If you’re single, this is a day to pamper yourself or do what makes you happy. Work out, don’t work out, eat, lay around, don’t shower, take a long bubble bath, watch movies, go out with friends, stay in and have peace and quiet. Consider it your second birthday. 

Sure, Valentine’s Day puts a lot of pressure on people to be in relationships or just to have a Valentine in general. But if you let go of that, then unlike the rest of the world, you have no pressure to do anything at all. 

It’s kind of a relief, actually. 

Sure, we might not have that passionate Valentine’s Day sex or get spoiled with gifts from our partners but… no shaving, people! I don’t know about you, but that excites me. There’s so much work as a girl to get ready. I don’t have to do my makeup all amazing, don’t have to do my hair, don’t have to shave, I can lay around in pretty much pajamas and there is nobody to judge. 

This is a judge free zone guys. 

So while we’re in this judge free zone, if you don’t want to shave you don’t have to! Congratulations! 

Cheers to us who don’t need somebody to make us happy! 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Get Over an FWB

For those of you who don’t know, an FWB is a “friend with benefits”. I’m sure we’ve all had them, and while we did we cherished those moments so. You were getting your craving out of the way, while not being tied down and having all the works of a relationship. Some may say it’s the best thing you can do in life.  

However, like all our parents warned us, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. 

Like most kids, though, do we ever really take our parents’ advice? Nope. 

It really is all fun and games in the beginning. You think you’re ready for this and you can do it. After all, it’s just sex… right? 

So for a while, things are going great. But then you find yourself sitting in a bubble bath with your little rubber ducky friend, horribly singing along to a song. Suddenly, certain lyrics come out of the song. As you sing them, they register in your brain. The lyrics start sinking in, oozing to the depths of your brain. 

You’ve come to a realization. 

It isn’t just sex anymore. Was it ever really just sex, though? Was there a little part of your brain that wanted to be more? Maybe you thought sex was better than not having a relationship at all? So you convinced yourself that it was okay and you could handle just being a friend with benefits. 

That isn’t the case, though. It doesn’t work like that. There’s more to it there on your end than there is on their end and inevitably it’s going to end bad. They just don’t feel the same way. They see it as what they’ve thought you’ve always seen it as: just sex. 

The feelings will remain there for a while, trust me.

It’s going to suck as much as a girl on her period not getting that damn chocolate. 

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to convince myself that I could be an fwb to a guy I had feelings with, just so I could in any way be with him. However, in the long run that resulted me taking my anger out with my knife and jelly on a piece of bed. He’s a long story. 

But I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to move on. Or at least subside those feelings so that you don’t end up exploding on him. Especially if he’s with his new girlfriend. That could end very, very bad. Either for him, me, her or all three of us. 

Here’s what you need to think about. You belong in a relationship with somebody who isn’t going to lie to you and/or just use you for sex. Sure, if really all you want is sex then go for it. On the other hand, if you want more than sex, it really isn’t going to work. 

They don’t see you that way right now, and it’s best to reevaluate your thoughts. Don’t put yourself in that position where you answer every booty call, and when you return back to your own bed you feel sick. You feel sick knowing you would do anything for that person and be there for them no matter what. You feel sick because you know they don’t see you like that. To them you’re just a sweet, tasty doughnut. Something that’s nice every once in a while and only when they’re craving it. 

You deserve a relationship where the feelings go both ways. Don’t string yourself along hoping for the best. As hard as it’s going to be, you have to cut yourself off from them. When you realize you have the power in your hands to say no to being their booty call only when they want it, it will be amazing. Don’t make them a priority when you’re only an option. It’s not worth the pain and heartbreak, trust me. 

It’s all fun and games until you end up in a jail cell for getting caught keying his car when you find out he has a whole different girl on the side. 

Nobody wants to be sitting next to “Olga” with the big, scary Sasquatch sized everything and that deep as a mofo voice. That’s scary. Watch out, she’s looking for a cuddle buddy and you’re the next on her list. 

So, just remember that you will find a guy who will want to be in an actual relationship with you, your rubber ducky and your horrible singing.

Sometimes you have to get rid of the old so you can make room for the new.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Lose A guy in 10 Days

First off, one of the best movies ever. 

Secondly, I find this very true. 

There are… a few things I feel girls (including myself) do sometimes that can just ruin relationships. 

I’m contemplating every thing that I’ve done wrong these past six months of being single as I sip my warm coffee all cuddled up on a rainy day. I’m trying to figure out what it was exactly that I could have done wrong, and that I need to change and have changed with these couple of guys I’m talking to. Because honestly? It’s been… three weeks since I started talking to them. Within those three weeks, it’s been solid and hasn’t died out. This has been the longest amount of time I’ve talked to a guy (or guys in my case) this constantly since my ex. Every other one has been maybe a week or two and then fizzle. 

So from my experience and crazy thinking going off of only a couple hours of sleep… I’ve come up with a list of things that us girls really need to stop doing and it could possibly help. 

1. We cannot appear desperate or needy. 

This is possibly one of the worst things we can do, in my opinion. I will admit, I have texted a guy a bunch of times before he responded in the past. And let’s face it, it just ain’t cute. However, I figured this out when I got a taste of my own medicine. There has been a couple of guys I’ve talked to who just message after message after message and then asking why I wasn’t responding and getting all butthurt. Like no, dude, back up. Especially after talking for… I would say a few hours. So, instead, I have reevaluated. I don’t do that anymore, I think to myself if they’re not going to message back, that’s fine. I don’t need them to, if they don’t then it wasn’t meant to be.

2. The first, brings me to number 2. Over thinking, worrying, analyzing… etc. 

I do this. I still over think all the time, I just don’t show it. But this is only because my brain is constantly going a million ways all at once, and it’s something I just can’t help. I have a hard time focusing, I seriously think I have a minor form of ADD. But nevertheless, just stop. Or at least, please, do not show it to them. This really just ruins everything. Sometimes we just need to let it go, because life is out of our hands. There is in no way we can control how other people react and what they do. Sure, we can change our own course and we can control certain things… but in the scheme of it all, we really can’t. I love the saying, “If it’s something you have no control of, don’t worry about it.” This is true, it just wastes our time and kills good vibes. I asked a guy, a couple times, (country boy actually) what we were or where he thought we would go. Why why why? Because I was over thinking. I just needed to let it be, because the two times I asked… he stopped responding back after answering the question. So for the two guys I’m talking to now, whatever happens happens. I’m just taking things slow and feeling it all out and I go along.

3. Don’t give it all up at once.

That old saying is true and valid, leave something up to the imagination. I have given it all up at once, just because I felt like it was something I had to do to keep a guy. But in reality, it’s the opposite. I feel, in my personal opinion, it gives off the idea to the guy that he can keep on coming back for more, just for that. He will keep on coming back, like you feeding a homeless cat and it keeps coming back to get fed because it knows you will. Not saying starve an animal, but make his mouth water a little bit. Sure, there are cases where it turns out to be a relationship, and that’s great if it can happen like that but most of the time, it doesn’t. Take it slow, but not too slow. But don’t give him everything all at once, some people, girls included, get bored easily and then they stop. I’ve stopped giving in to guys like that, if I feel like they just want to dirty talk or anything like that, I pretty much don’t respond. I’m over it. I’m looking for a relationship now and I don’t want to be caught up in a guy’s “you’re everything I need… just for this moment”. I’m sorry but I’m worth more than texting or talking buddies for the night and than never talk again.

Most importantly, be yourself. Even if that means telling dirty jokes, being sarcastic, laughing loudly, looking like a hot mess half the time, loving corny jokes, a mind that has a million different ways going at once, a strong love for Sex and The City, a bit of a fiesty side and having an obsession with coffee. Somebody will like me just the way I am. 

So please, don’t be scary. Don’t go all psycho. At least, right off the bat. Hook him in and then when you’re sure you two are good and solid… then you can slowly let your psycho out. Kidding. 

Image  Image

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Why Are Men So Simple It’s Complicated?

I found myself thinking this out loud today. 

Why are men so damn simple it’s complicated? 

I met up with my best friend today at Starbucks, and chatted over coffee about our love life. That question just slipped right out and it makes me so frustrated. 

We, as women, tend to over think/over analyze/over play/worry/ and doubt EVERYTHING. I am guilty of this and will never deny it. It’s in our genes and DNA, unfortunately. If you a girl, and you don’t do any of these things, I am jealous of you to say the least. We don’t view things as simple, somehow in our minds, everything has to be complicated. If a man says something, to us there’s meaning behind it. And then we go into our moods trying to figure out and analyze what they said. 

Did they not mean anything at all by saying that?

And if they didn’t mean anything by it, then why would they say it?

But if they did mean it, what did they mean? 

And you know, all those questions that depend on the context and what they actually said. 

Like, for instance, in mine and my best friend’s cases the pet name “hun”. She is talking to a guy who is genuinely into her, and they’re both flirting and all that jazz. But he calls her “hun” all the time. Does this mean that he thinks of them as something more than just talking? Or is it just a way of flirting? He even has called her “babe” once. 

And for me, I am talking to a guy, just as friends… with some flirting? I wouldn’t call us “talking” seeing as he’s an old friend who is now in the Air Force in Texas. I don’t know what I would say we’re doing; it’s complicated kind of. (And there is a prime example of trying to over analyze something without even thinking about it). Anyways, he calls me “hun” all the time. What? Why? Is that his way of flirting? Does he think of us as “talking”? Does he not mean anything by it? Does he use it normally to most girls? Little background on him though, he’s not the type of guy to be flirting all over the place. He has never had sex or kissed a girl, not due to religious reasons but due to the fact that he wants to be loyal and faithful. He’s an amazing guy. So I’m very confused by “hun”, to say the least. 

                               P.S. – I am treading him very lightly, because like I said, he’s had no physical experience with girls, he is a great guy and I’ve done the whole show and he knows it. I don’t want to hurt him in any way, so I am taking the flirting very lightly until I know if I even like him in that way or not. 

But for guys, it’s all so simple. If they say one thing, they mean exactly what they’ve said. How is this so hard for us girls to wrap our brains around? Because it just doesn’t make sense to us. It CAN’T be that simple. Because us girls, when we say one thing… we don’t always mean it. Take, “I’m fine”. Oh no, we are not just fine when we say that. 

“Don’t worry, go ahead and do it” actually means don’t do it. 

Even though we know how simple guys are, we still can’t seem to grasp that fact. Which makes it all so frustrating because is a “hun” really just a “hun”? 

What are your thoughts on the meaning of this “hun”?

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo