In a post I wrote a while back, I played around with the idea of closure.
Do we really need it? Does it actually benefit us?
Can we truly move on with our lives without it?
Some people disagree with closure, saying life isn’t always so perfect to put back together. We just have to pick up the pieces left behind and make do with what we have. However, in my opinion and at least for myself, I find closure necessary for some things in order for my soul to feel calm and at peace.
Some of you may remember Army boy. The boy who knew I liked him, who I thought liked me, but instead used me and lied to me. He was the first guy after I had broken up with my ex that I liked. So Long, Luckless Romance
If you read through my post on him, it goes into better depth than this post is going to get. However, I do have to add one small bit to that post. At the time, I still had feelings for him. So, when he lied to me and said he didn’t want to get into a relationship before deployment, but then did… it hurt like a bitch.
But do you want to know what hurt more?
He got married to the girl. Imagine the pain I went through when I learned this.
Eventually, I moved on but always wondered what had been wrong with me to him. How I could have made the situation better. What I could have done to make him like me more. How he could have lied to me like he did, how he could have used me.
Fast forward four years later, to this past December. Army boy and I hadn’t had any further conversation or contact after our last text messages before he deployed, so we went four years without speaking. I was on Instagram one night, scrolling through my feed. I noticed a picture of Army boy at Disneyland. Being a Disney person, I liked the photo.
He liked a photo of mine back.
I liked one of his back.
And this continued for a couple more photos. We hadn’t had this much contact in years.
Imagine my surprise, when he slid into my DM’s out of the blue saying, “So are we just going to continue liking each other’s pictures or are we going to talk?”. Part of me didn’t want to reply, but because I’m nosy and like to stir things up from time to time, I replied. It was small talk for the most part, but it was starting to lean towards flirtatious.
I asked him how his wife was doing.
He said the relationship wasn’t doing well, but he didn’t want to talk about it.
Cue the eye roll.
He was trying to hint at hooking up. I was still with my ex at this time, so obviously I told him no. And if that’s not enough of a reason, he has a wife back home.
But this isn’t even the biggest drop of news. He wants to meet up. I reluctantly agreed. I realized it was my time to get closure. This is what I had been looking for all along.
We met up at a local coffee shop and talked. That was all. I realized the conversation just wasn’t there for us. There was no spark there for me. It was all gone. It was friendly, at most.
At the end I went to give him a hug goodbye with my coffee still in hand, and what really sealed the deal for me… I spilled coffee on his back. Win!
I thought spilling coffee on him just made up for everything.
However, it did not end there.
Later on, he messaged me.
He said he regrets treating me the way he did and he knows it ended on a bad note because of him. He brought this up all on his own, without me saying anything about our past. And to be quite honest, this pissed me off. He knew all along he was acting like a douche. He realized how bad he treated me.
Then he goes on saying that he wished he would have pursued me further and seen where him and I could have gone.
I was livid this night. I told him he screwed up and ruined it all and that he should have pursued me because I really, genuinely liked him.
The lesson from all of this…
Sometimes closure does come back around to bite you in the ass.
Screw you and your uniform, Army boy.
With all the love in my body,