The Root of It

Expectations. The root of everything that kills us. Kills our hopes, dreams, wishes, thoughts and loves. 

We all have this idea in our head of how things are supposed to be and how we want them to be. Everybody plays these scenes in their heads, or maybe just some people do, but it happens. We play how we would like it to be in our head and then we get attached to that image and expect it to happen. 

But the reality is, most of the time, that won’t happen. And I’ve taken a hard beating with having expectations. I’ve learned that things won’t always go how we want them to, and that expecting things to happen how we want them to is pointless, because they usually won’t. 

Expecting leads to worrying, over analyzing, being needy, being desperate and everything bad. It’s like a poison that we just keep on drinking. 

But lately, I find myself expecting a lot less from boys especially, and people in general. And I’ve made an exciting discovery. 

It is like a weight lifted off of me. 

With the couple of guys I’m talking to lately, I haven’t expected anything from them, due to being let down so much in the past. And it really helps. I find myself being more happy with them, because I don’t have a picture of how it should be by now in my head. Normally, from talking for a couple weeks, I’m expecting things to be moving forward… but I find myself content with how things are moving. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and might as well just enjoy the ride and not kill it with expectations. Because expecting something is just going to ruin the situation. 

When you get rid of expectations, you get rid of the poison. It feels amazing. Things somehow, start flowing smoothly. Because there isn’t something in the way of interrupting them. They just happen.

And it feels good.

So my advice? Stop expecting things, from everybody, and everything. The less expectations you have, the happier and content you will be.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo 

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The Soft Hum

The sun starts to set, a golden sunrise producing the rainbow in the sky. The clouds are a hot pink, the sky behind it is shades of blue, green, yellow and orange. Then the sun sets more, becoming pink and the sky turns a dark blue and a purple. It’s gorgeous, really. One of the most amazing things we can see in a lifetime. A sunset holds so much to me, so much passion. It comes and goes right before your eyes, but while it’s there it’s wondrous. If I could see one thing for the rest of my life, it would be sunsets. 

But then comes night. I am in love with night. 

The sunset is the last big bang of the day, but the night rolls in. 

People get quiet, traffic slows down, lights come on, a light breeze rolls in and twinkling stars shine in the vast sky. There’s so much about the sky, about the world at night. Some people will never really understand or stop a moment to take it in. 

Night has a slow pace, but at the same time it is so amazing. It engulfs us. Listen, smell, feel and see the night, if you can. 

Listen to the distant and soft sounds of airplanes going on their journeys in the sky. Listen to a car every now and then passing by, the soft and slow hum of the engine. Listen to the crickets chirping, slowly fading away night by night as we head into winter. Listen to the soft radio on in the car. 

And while you listen to all that, smell the crisp air. Smell the fires burning in homes, one of the best smells of fall and winter to me. As soon as it gets dark, you can always smell firewood burning. Smell the freshness of everything because somehow daytime smells different. It’s stuffy. Night is so open, so vast, so mysterious. 

Feel the openness. Feel how big this world and place really is. There’s so much to feel at night, so many emotions. We all feel them late at night. From the burning hate, to that burning passion. Nighttime is honest, there is a security in the night. It’s like a blanket that we hide under. Our emotions take over. We hate, we love, we have a fiery passion, we have a need, we have a want. We have the craving of wanting to be touched, to be held, to feel skin next to us. We crave to hit something and blow up like a volcano. But that’s okay, because we have emotions. We feel. The night will wash away all the pain, and give us hope for the next day. Night washes away everything from the day before, and during the night, it preps us to begin again for the next day. 

But if you can see the night, you will see it all without seeing anything and with seeing everything all at the same time. Look up at the sky. You can see all the amazing, beautiful, shining stars. Millions of years old, but so many wishes and hopes and prayers go up into them. You can see all of those, all of the wishing upon a stars. Each and every one of those stars have been hoped on. See the dark sky as the backdrop for even darker mountains pressed up against it. See the moon hanging in the sky, so silent and so strong and so soft. The  brightness of it illuminating everything down on the ground. See all the lovers kissing underneath it. See the moon peeking through the blinds into the window of the room. See the tousling of the sheets between people, or the tears being shed. See the hope and the burning need for a miracle to happen. See the water of an ocean glistening beneath it, rippling softly. See the city lights down below, sparkling in all their glory. 

See all the first kisses happening. See cars steaming up in a parking lot. See somebody taking a walk, hugging themselves tight because nobody else will. See the couple fighting, screaming, crying and getting angry. See me, the girl who grew courage and changed in the moment when I threw that glass bottle of soda at the ground with such a force with the realization that my life was changing and it was officially over between my ex and I. See the shatters and pieces of glass fly everywhere, and an explosion of liquid. See the leaves falling slowly and silently, hitting the ground only to be blown away in that light breeze. 

Because in the morning, it will all be gone.

There is such an honesty in the night. It’s so beautiful, so tragic, so amazing, so mysterious. Lovely. 

Night is like the soft hum of our favorite song. 

It’s the white static on the radio. 

It’s the magical inspiration. 

It’s the tears shed. 

It’s kisses made. 

It’s everything in between. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Kill ‘Em With Confidence

A friend of mine told me I should blog about some uplifting pieces, to girls possibly going through the same thing that I have been through and I’ve been thinking it’s a good idea, since I don’t really do much of those. In high school, I actually wrote a research paper on this subject because I am very passionate about it. 

When you look at a girl, when you really look into her eyes… sometimes you get a tiny, little glimpse of what she is actually going through. On the outside, most people can’t even tell because she smiles and it seems like everything is okay. She seems put together and happy. But on the inside, it’s chaos. She’s trying her hardest not to break down at any second. All it could take to break her down is the smallest thing, something so nontrivial as if the drop of a pin, or a word nonchalantly spoken. I’ve been there, I’ve been in the position where one small word has broken me down and I just start crying. 

In this case, let’s talk about the stress about our looks. Every single day. Men have some idea, but they really have no idea about the pressure. Magazines, films, TV, advertisements, you name it, put out these expectations of what we should look like. We should look like this extremely skinny, big-boobed, amazing ass, tight stomach lady with perfect hair and makeup that looks airbrushed. 

Excuse me? 

No. And then they try to say “love your body and the skin you’re in”. Bull-shizz. I don’t think so. Can we put a real person on a magazine cover? If they’re so into the whole love your body and the skin you’re in thing, then why can’t they not photoshop a picture? Why don’t they put pounds of makeup on? Why don’t they leave the hair as it is? Why don’t they actually eat a burger? Not just one bite, a whole burger. 

I’ve been in the situation where I am envious of the girls in the magazines, or how I wish to look like them. I was there for years. It’s hard not to have those moments where you feel that way. But then I realized something. The girls in the magazines don’t even look like themselves. They have so much makeup on, so much editing done that it’s not “real”. There is only one way to look like them… photo shop the hell out of yourself, which I don’t recommend doing. If somebody doesn’t like you for the way you look, you don’t need them. They’re superficial. There’s more to people that what’s on the outside. Nobody is perfect in this world, not even close.

You don’t need to look like the women in magazines, look like a REAL person. Men dig that more than they dig somebody whose bones pop out in every which way with pounds of makeup on.

And here’s another thing: barbies. I admit, I was one of the girls who wanted to look like a barbie. I was the girl who played with them, as most girls do. But then I did some research which upset me deeply.

The pressure for girls to be skinny and perfect starts a lot younger than it should, even though it shouldn’t at any age. It’s unbelievable and disgusting.

If barbie was to be made into a real person same height, weight, structure and everything, she would die. That’s right. Her stomach isn’t big enough to fit the necessary organs that we need to live inside of her. Her boobs are too big and her back would have major problems due to this. Her feet are too tiny to support her body. This is terrible. Why are we subliminally putting this into little girls’ brains? We don’t need this.

So to wrap this post up, love yourself for who you are. Don’t workout to be skinny or to look perfect, workout to be healthy. There’s a difference. Everybody’s bodies are different. Your weight depends on your height and your bone structure. Not everybody is made to be 100 pounds. Besides, curves are amazing! Especially when you love them and can work them!

You might not believe me, but there ARE guys who love curves. They don’t only just go for girls who are insanely skinny. Guys do have preferences though, just as girls do. But there will be somebody out there who will love every inch of you.

Be happy. Be confident. Put on some amazing clothes and work it like no other. Embrace your crazy hair because let’s face it, hair has a mind of it’s own. My hair is messy, curly/wavy and very thick naturally, not something most people want. But it’s what I have to work with, and somebody out there will love it and put up with it for me. 

Love yourself. Please, I beg you. Starving yourself and plastic surgery isn’t worth it. Believe it, especially coming from a girl who went through an eating disorder. You don’t need it. 

Most importantly, just be real and confident. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Balls To The Wall

Writing this post in class (go me) because today has been amazing and I couldn’t wait to share it. 

So, I wake up. It’s cloudy and cold outside. To me, that’s a perfect way to wake up. It just sets the right mood for the day, because I am a fan of colder weather. Well, as cold as it can get in Southern California. 

Secondly, I am scrolling through my Facebook news feed and I stumble upon a status update from my elementary school crush, the one I recently started talking to. Guess who’s coming back to live in California? Yup, that’s right. He is. This could be very exciting and he arrives back home December 4th. How crazy would it be if I ended up with a guy who I liked the beginning of elementary school? How adorable! Please tell me this isn’t cute. The one with the perfect name.. 

So, then I’m driving through a section of my city that has like a strip mall with Target, Nordstrom Rack, Kohls, and all that type of fun stuff. I notice they’re putting a Panera restaurant in. Oh. My. God. Panera is one of my favorite restaurants EVER. Broccoli cheddar soup in a bread bowl? Uh, hell yes? Or their mac n cheese… or their turkey sandwiches… or their paninis… or their smoothies. Just amazing, really. 

Lastly. Oh, Hobby Lobby boy. My best friend and I marched in there with my lady balls. We were walking down the edge of the store looking for him, thinking he might not be there because we hadn’t seen him yet and bam! The wild Hobby Lobby boy appears. My friend jokingly says hi, and he doesn’t hear her. She says it just a tiny bit louder again and he turns his head! He was a good six or seven big aisles away. He has the hearing of a dog, I swear. Makes me wonder if he ever heard us talking about him… because we totally have. I was so embarrassed, naturally we busted up laughing and took a sharp right turn into the nearest aisle to hide ourselves. After that, I wasn’t so sure I could talk to him. So, we went to the section where we were going to buy our supplies and he walks by a few times and I just lower my head. 

As if that’s going to make me disappear. Can I just be like an ostrich and stick my head in the ground? Where’d whiskeyinateacupp go? 

Yeah. I wish. So, we get our supplies and leave to go checkout and we’re looking for him. We turn around and there he is… walking towards us. 

Oh boy. It’s time. 

He walks closer. 

“Hey ladies.” He says. 

And I just go for it. 

“Hi, um, this might sound crazy but I was wondering if you’re single, or if you’re seeing somebody or have a girlfriend?” 

Way to make a great first impression, whiskey. 

He smiles. I think he’s not as outgoing as apparently I am. 

He’s single. 

And guess who got Hobby Lobby boy’s number?

This girl did! 

Must be some charm I have because I sure as hell wasn’t smooth about it. 

After we were done exchanging numbers, I was shaking so badly. Pretty sure I was blushing too. 

And now the waiting game for me to text him. Today could not be any better. Finally! 

I did a happy dance in my head as my balls hit the wall. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Black Is Sexy

Okay, so this may be an unusual post to some, to others maybe not. 

But I’m going for it! I’m feeling ballsy tonight. And daring. 

Am I wrong to find black bras so sexy? To me, they scream confidence, sexiness, mysteriousness and boldness. There’s something about a black bra that just makes you feel like you can take on the world and are in control. Or is this just me? 

As women, I say we should feel this way at least once in a while! 

When I put on a black, lacy bra I feel like I can take on the world. 

I have been obsessed with them ever since this summer when I first tried one on, but have yet to get one. So I have devised a plan in the wake of my ballsy mood. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to buy myself one. I’m going to put on a nice outfit, and look good. I’m going to march my butt to Hobby Lobby and hope to see that guy I have been thinking about working there. If he is, I am going to go balls to the wall.

To the window, to the wall… to the wall, to the sweat drips down my balls… all these bitches crawl… 

Sorry. Momentary karaoke. 

I am going to go up to him, in my new black bra, and ask if he is single. If he is, I am then going to proceed to give him my number or ask for his. I hope my lady balls don’t shrivel up because I need them.

Most importantly, I hope he doesn’t think I’m a creep or in some way he finds me attractive. Oh boy. But I will not think of it. Because I’m too busy thinking of his nice tattoos and his height and how cute we would look together. I’m just saying. I’ve got nothing to lose. I can’t wait around for forever with country boy, because I don’t even know if he’s ever thought about having a relationship with me when he finishes school. I know something good could come between us, but I don’t know how he feels on his end about me, even just sex wise. I can’t wait around for someone who can’t express even the slightest how they feel. 

So in honor of how I’m feeling tonight, and what I am daring myself to do tomorrow with hobby lobby boy… I’ve gathered up some sexy quotes cause why not? 

I want you in the worst way. Your taste, scent, and feel of your skin next to mine… I want it all tonight.”

Come closer my love, I’ll violate you in the most sensual way.”

Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I’m yours forever.”

I have a desire for every inch of you. The smell of your breath on my needing lips, the taste of you under the covers and your voice rummaging through every vein in my body.”

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Your Foundation

Some people strive for perfection. They try to reach this unattainable goal of being… well, perfect. They try to look like the people in the magazines who don’t even look like the people in the magazines. It’s called air brush, photo shop, makeup and hair artists, stylists, camera angles, plastic surgery and the whole shebang. They try to not have any flaws about them and be on their A game 24/7 365. It’s sad, in my opinion. Nobody is perfect in any way, shape or form. It just doesn’t work like that. 

However, we can be the best that we each can personally be. We shouldn’t be afraid to admit our flaws and mistakes because everybody has them. 

 

 

I am challenged with directions. Even with a smartphone, I will still get lost, it’s inevitable. It’s kind of funny. Whoever marries me is going to have to love this or get a kick out of it. 

You do not want to see me in busy parking lots or when people drive badly. I have road rage. My friend laughs at me and feels my nerves. 

I love to sing. I will serenade you in the car, in public, I serenade my shower and myself, as well. Except for one tiny fact. I can’t even sing, not even close but I will still belt out every note… or lack thereof, on my part. 

I struggled with very low self-esteem, an eating disorder and depression (and still do from time to time). 

I can laugh very loudly. 

I like to make things awkward in public, and I do a good job of it. 

I am so clumsy, it’s not even funny. I would say at least once a day I somehow trip or hurt myself. 

I have a bad memory. 

I can be stubborn. 

I’m a bit of a wild child. 

I cuss a lot sometimes. 

Sometimes I just like to stay at home. 

I don’t always look my best or even close. 

I have a really dirty sense of humor… it’s really bad. 

I drink too much coffee. 

I don’t always eat healthy.

 

 

And so many more, I can’t even count. But somebody out there will accept them and love me no matter what. Everybody has flaws and quirks to them, but that’s what makes you you. I’m not afraid to say the things that make up who I am. 

Your flaws, quirks, uniqueness, mistakes… those are your foundations. That is something you build upon. Every foundation that has been through a lot, had a bunch of traffic way on it, or has moved around, is gonna have a few cracks in it. But that’s okay. Somebody will love your cracks, every single bit of them. They will still live there, they will make a home on your foundation. They will work around them, because even though there are cracks does not mean there is no beauty. Even with what seems to be a perfect home, the foundation or some part of it is going to have a couple cracks. 

Love yourself. 

I dare you. 

Every. Single. Bit of it. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

The Other Side of Fear

ImageToday, I stepped outside of my comfort zone. 

I took that little, itty bitty leap of faith. 

I just went for it. 

They say everything you want is on the other side of fear. Which I believe is true. 

I’m not sure if it comes across on my blog or not, but a good amount of the time I actually am shy. Especially to guys I find attractive, ones who I don’t know. Once I break out of my comfort zone though, it’s like there’s no stopping me. 

My best friend and I were at Hobby Lobby the other day just looking around and admiring the Christmas decorations when out of nowhere… this very cute guy who works there walked by. Oh lordy. We both exchanged smiles, and not just the polite type of smile. 

By the way, for those of you who have not been to Hobby Lobby… you must. It is a very addicting store. 

Anyways, we went back there today to buy supplies for a class we’re in and the guy I laid my eyes on was working the register. So naturally, we waited in his line. As we got up to pay, he was talking with us, asking where we went to school, and saying where he went. And he was giving me that smile again. So we finished paying, and as he handed me my receipt, I said it. One tiny little sentence that for me, seemed impossible to do to a stranger who I found attractive. 

“Thanks, cutie.” 

Something so simple. But somehow so big to me. I was joking around with my best friend while we were in line waiting for our turn that I would say that, and had been planning on saying it since the first time I saw him. I had been thinking about saying it since he asked me if I needed help and to have a great day the first time I saw him. 

My friend turned around laughing because she didn’t think I would actually do it. 

Truthfully, I didn’t think I was going to either but somehow it just slipped out. 

I just went for it without overthinking about it. 

But I couldn’t even look him in the eye as I said it, just smiled, grabbing the stuff and walking out. 

I heard him say, “Thank you.” Whatever that means, I hope it means something good. I looked back at him and he was smiling and laughing also. 

To me, that was out of my comfort zone and I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I took the risk. I would have worried and fretted about not saying anything to him. 

Hopefully he doesn’t think I’m a freak. Uh oh. 

But I encourage everybody to take some risks sometimes. Sometimes it really pays off. The biggest regrets I’ve found that I have, are when I haven’t taken the risks. 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo