How-To – whiskeyinateacupp

How To Get Over an FWB

For those of you who don’t know, an FWB is a “friend with benefits”. I’m sure we’ve all had them, and while we did we cherished those moments so. You were getting your craving out of the way, while not being tied down and having all the works of a relationship. Some may say it’s the best thing you can do in life.

However, like all our parents warned us, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

Like most kids, though, do we ever really take our parents’ advice? Nope.

It really is all fun and games in the beginning. You think you’re ready for this and you can do it. After all, it’s just sex… right?

So for a while, things are going great. But then you find yourself sitting in a bubble bath with your little rubber ducky friend, horribly singing along to a song. Suddenly, certain lyrics come out of the song. As you sing them, they register in your brain. The lyrics start sinking in, oozing to the depths of your brain.

You’ve come to a realization.

It isn’t just sex anymore. Was it ever really just sex, though? Was there a little part of your brain that wanted to be more? Maybe you thought sex was better than not having a relationship at all? So you convinced yourself that it was okay and you could handle just being a friend with benefits.

That isn’t the case, though. It doesn’t work like that. There’s more to it there on your end than there is on their end and inevitably it’s going to end bad. They just don’t feel the same way. They see it as what they’ve thought you’ve always seen it as: just sex.

The feelings will remain there for a while, trust me.

It’s going to suck as much as a girl on her period not getting that damn chocolate.

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to convince myself that I could be an fwb to a guy I had feelings with, just so I could in any way be with him. However, in the long run that resulted me taking my anger out with my knife and jelly on a piece of bed. He’s a long story.

But I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to move on. Or at least subside those feelings so that you don’t end up exploding on him. Especially if he’s with his new girlfriend. That could end very, very bad. Either for him, me, her or all three of us.

Here’s what you need to think about. You belong in a relationship with somebody who isn’t going to lie to you and/or just use you for sex. Sure, if really all you want is sex then go for it. On the other hand, if you want more than sex, it really isn’t going to work.

They don’t see you that way right now, and it’s best to reevaluate your thoughts. Don’t put yourself in that position where you answer every booty call, and when you return back to your own bed you feel sick. You feel sick knowing you would do anything for that person and be there for them no matter what. You feel sick because you know they don’t see you like that. To them you’re just a sweet, tasty doughnut. Something that’s nice every once in a while and only when they’re craving it.

You deserve a relationship where the feelings go both ways. Don’t string yourself along hoping for the best. As hard as it’s going to be, you have to cut yourself off from them. When you realize you have the power in your hands to say no to being their booty call only when they want it, it will be amazing. Don’t make them a priority when you’re only an option. It’s not worth the pain and heartbreak, trust me.

It’s all fun and games until you end up in a jail cell for getting caught keying his car when you find out he has a whole different girl on the side.

Nobody wants to be sitting next to “Olga” with the big, scary Sasquatch sized everything and that deep as a mofo voice. That’s scary. Watch out, she’s looking for a cuddle buddy and you’re the next on her list.

So, just remember that you will find a guy who will want to be in an actual relationship with you, your rubber ducky and your horrible singing.

Sometimes you have to get rid of the old so you can make room for the new.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Get Over An Ex-Boyfriend(Or Girlfriend)

Hey y’all. I’ve decided along with my posts of “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” and “How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World” that I’m going to start a section in my blog for “How To’s”.

Are you tired of being bothered by those pesky thoughts in your head about your ex? Whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, those thoughts might still be in your head about missing them. Those pesky little thoughts you just can’t get rid of.

Do you lie awake at night creating scenarios in your head about what could have been and what went wrong?

Do you stare at your phone, wishing, hoping with all your might that they’ll text you and instantly things will be perfect again like they once were?

Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions… I might have a few solutions for you, for the low price of free.99!

First thing is first, let’s focus on you as a couple. No matter the situation, you guys broke up. Things obviously weren’t working out for either one of you. If it was you who it wasn’t working out for, but you feel terrible about breaking up with the other person who was so happy… well, that’s okay. You weren’t happy and sometimes in the mix of being a couple, we get so lost in trying to make the other person happy instead of ourselves. It’s more than okay if you’re miserable with them, to let things go. It may be hard and you may feel guilty, but sometimes it’s what we need to do. If you’re the one who it was working out for, but the other person broke up with you, there was a reason for it. You don’t want to be with somebody who is miserable with you, for one, that’s no fun. Two, you also have to think that there’s something there that wasn’t working out between you two and just not connecting the way it should. It wasn’t meant to be at that point in time. If you’re in the wrong relationship, that doesn’t leave room for the right one where you two will connect on all the right levels and neither will be miserable.
A step you can do is to burn, throw away, rip up, or damage some of their belongings that they left at your house. I know, it sounds like I’m crazy and horrible but trust me, it works. It takes out your anger on them without doing anything stupid you’re going to regret. Like keying their car, or hurting them. Both are very, very bad and I don’t recommend doing either. Unless the shithead cheated on you or did something horrible, then I give you permission to key their car. But don’t say I told you so. When I broke up with my ex, I gave him his stuff back, threw a glass bottle of soda(it was a sentimental thing. It was a “Butter Beer” from the movie Harry Potter that they now sell in certain places) he gave to me on the ground and watched it splatter everywhere, and also ripped up a card he gave me. It felt good, let me tell you. Seeing their stuff all scattered about in your room is just going to get you down, and keep those memories there. I suggest a good, thorough cleaning of everything you might have of theirs.
Eat Ben & Jerry’s. That shit is the savior, in ice cream form. It’s like the boyfriend that will forever treat you right. Eat Ben & Jerry’s to your hearts content, and watch sappy movies, or sports or any guilty pleasure you have on TV.
Get out with friends who are fun and have a good time. Just keep your mind busy and soon, you’ll be laughing again. It may seem impossible that you’ll ever laugh again, but it’ll happen. When something is really funny, and that breaks its way for more laughter and good times.
Put down your phone. Stay away from social media sites, and please unfriend and unfollow them. The more you see them pop up on your feed, the worse it will get. Don’t let them get a hold of you like that. Do your own thing, and let them do theirs. Staying away from your phone could be good, too. The more you keep checking it, the more anxious you will feel. It’s never a good cycle.
Cutting your hair or changing your appearance can help. Change something up, reinvent yourself. These things really do help. You can build a new, probably even better life. Start over on your own and make things YOURS. Ever wanted a pixie cut? Go for it! Want to be a playful blonde? Blonde it up! Care to be a bombshell brunette? Just do ya thang. When my ex and I broke up in between Christmas and New Years, I was so miserable and lonely and depressed. New Years Eve, I went home early, went to Target, grabbed a box of brunette hair dye and got rid of my ombre. It actually did help. Though, unless you’re trained… I really STRONGLY suggest to please do NOT cut your bangs by yourself, or make some drastic cut change to your hair. That could always end up a hot mess. Maybe change how you do your makeup and experiment with all different kinds! Re-do your room or your house to accommodate your new self and new life. All these things are cleansing the bad, old and dirty and is being replaced by the shiny, pretty, new.

I hope this helps anybody who is going through this. Remember, out with the old and in with the new and improved!

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World

I’ve been feeling down lately with my self-esteem. That’s been so hard for me to admit, because I was doing well since my last super down day that I had, where I was close to a relapse with my eating disorder.

I keep pushing the thoughts from my head. Those little nagging, bitchy, catty thoughts critiquing every single thing that are inside my brain. As I push them aside, I try to form a smile and move on with life because I’ve learned that if you feed into these thoughts, they will come back and they will come back to suffocate you. So I try not to dwell on them for too long because that’s what could really kill you and spin you down into a spiral you can’t get out of.

We live in an ugly, ugly, ugly world. One that focuses on physical attributes more than anything else. It has this expectation of us to look a certain way.

We live in a world with bullies. Bullies start all the way from kindergarten and unfortunately, continue on like that the rest of their lives. Bullying is just amazing to me, how some people can put down other people for the way they were born. Nobody has control for the way they were born. Don’t pick on somebody for how they look or how they act. I was bullied for a few years, by my closest friends actually. I was overweight, ever since I was born. So, one of them came up with “meal plans” for me that I should be eating in order for me to fit into popular brands, so I could be like her. Abercrombie & Fitch. Hollister. Juicy. Justice (Limited 2), etc. But even if I could have fitted into those clothes, she knew I could never afford them. They also lied to me about hanging out behind my back because I was “boring”. I was too self-conscious to do anything with them, or to be outgoing, and much, much more bullying. All in 4th-7th grade.

There are plenty of people in this world who have been bullied in some way, shape or form for whatever stupid reason. It’s so sad and so absolutely ridiculous because it’s unnecessary, and that’s an understatement.

I was watching a video titled “How To Feel Pretty In An Ugly World” by a makeup artist that I watch, and she made a good point. She said that when she’s walking by a girl, she’ll comment to them that she loves their hair or their dress or something like that. The reason she does this is so sweet. We don’t realize it, but chances are that’s the only positive thing that girl has heard all day. We all need some positive comments once in a while, and some of us don’t get them near enough.

Everybody has something amazing about themselves, whether you keep it hidden away or not. Whether you know it or not. But it’s there, you may not see it, but other people do if you show them.

One step is that you can’t dwell on the bad things, as I said earlier. It’s toxic and poisonous. I’m sitting here writing all of this in a big t-shirt, shorts and a messy bun on my head with no makeup. I could eat myself with thoughts about how bad I probably look, when in reality, I probably don’t look that bad. But our brains don’t work that way. Instead, I’m going to focus on the good things about myself, as you all should. I choose to focus on my eyes, they’ve always been a strong suit. A bright, twinkling blue that changes from blue to blue/green to green to almost a gray depending on my makeup and the lighting and what I’m wearing. So maybe you have a great smile, great legs, are smart, have great cleavage, pretty eyes, amazing hair, can write poetically, spit out numbers like no tomorrow, own it. Own what you’re working with!

The second step is to do something that makes you genuinely happy inside, whatever it is. When you feel happy inside, you radiate it on the outside. A happy person is the most beautiful person. When you feel happy with your surroundings and what you’re doing, you’re going to forget the bad about yourself and enjoy being in your own skin.

Do something every day that makes you happy.

If this world could stop just half the negativity, I think we’d all be in a better place.

My final piece of advice is to focus on the positive. I can’t stress enough that if you let your bad thoughts consume yourself, they will swallow you into a black hole. I know we all have our down moments and that’s okay, but just remember:

Even the stars need some darkness to shine.

You’re all beautiful and amazing people, take that to heart. Too often we forget the positive compliments and zone in to the negative ones.

We got this and can get through it together, and I’m right here by your side if you need a hand to help.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

How To Lose A guy in 10 Days

First off, one of the best movies ever.

Secondly, I find this very true.

There are… a few things I feel girls (including myself) do sometimes that can just ruin relationships.

I’m contemplating every thing that I’ve done wrong these past six months of being single as I sip my warm coffee all cuddled up on a rainy day. I’m trying to figure out what it was exactly that I could have done wrong, and that I need to change and have changed with these couple of guys I’m talking to. Because honestly? It’s been… three weeks since I started talking to them. Within those three weeks, it’s been solid and hasn’t died out. This has been the longest amount of time I’ve talked to a guy (or guys in my case) this constantly since my ex. Every other one has been maybe a week or two and then fizzle.

So from my experience and crazy thinking going off of only a couple hours of sleep… I’ve come up with a list of things that us girls really need to stop doing and it could possibly help.

1. We cannot appear desperate or needy.

This is possibly one of the worst things we can do, in my opinion. I will admit, I have texted a guy a bunch of times before he responded in the past. And let’s face it, it just ain’t cute. However, I figured this out when I got a taste of my own medicine. There has been a couple of guys I’ve talked to who just message after message after message and then asking why I wasn’t responding and getting all butthurt. Like no, dude, back up. Especially after talking for… I would say a few hours. So, instead, I have reevaluated. I don’t do that anymore, I think to myself if they’re not going to message back, that’s fine. I don’t need them to, if they don’t then it wasn’t meant to be.

2. The first, brings me to number 2. Over thinking, worrying, analyzing… etc.

I do this. I still over think all the time, I just don’t show it. But this is only because my brain is constantly going a million ways all at once, and it’s something I just can’t help. I have a hard time focusing, I seriously think I have a minor form of ADD. But nevertheless, just stop. Or at least, please, do not show it to them. This really just ruins everything. Sometimes we just need to let it go, because life is out of our hands. There is in no way we can control how other people react and what they do. Sure, we can change our own course and we can control certain things… but in the scheme of it all, we really can’t. I love the saying, “If it’s something you have no control of, don’t worry about it.” This is true, it just wastes our time and kills good vibes. I asked a guy, a couple times, (country boy actually) what we were or where he thought we would go. Why why why? Because I was over thinking. I just needed to let it be, because the two times I asked… he stopped responding back after answering the question. So for the two guys I’m talking to now, whatever happens happens. I’m just taking things slow and feeling it all out and I go along.

3. Don’t give it all up at once.

That old saying is true and valid, leave something up to the imagination. I have given it all up at once, just because I felt like it was something I had to do to keep a guy. But in reality, it’s the opposite. I feel, in my personal opinion, it gives off the idea to the guy that he can keep on coming back for more, just for that. He will keep on coming back, like you feeding a homeless cat and it keeps coming back to get fed because it knows you will. Not saying starve an animal, but make his mouth water a little bit. Sure, there are cases where it turns out to be a relationship, and that’s great if it can happen like that but most of the time, it doesn’t. Take it slow, but not too slow. But don’t give him everything all at once, some people, girls included, get bored easily and then they stop. I’ve stopped giving in to guys like that, if I feel like they just want to dirty talk or anything like that, I pretty much don’t respond. I’m over it. I’m looking for a relationship now and I don’t want to be caught up in a guy’s “you’re everything I need… just for this moment”. I’m sorry but I’m worth more than texting or talking buddies for the night and than never talk again.

Most importantly, be yourself. Even if that means telling dirty jokes, being sarcastic, laughing loudly, looking like a hot mess half the time, loving corny jokes, a mind that has a million different ways going at once, a strong love for Sex and The City, a bit of a fiesty side and having an obsession with coffee. Somebody will like me just the way I am.

So please, don’t be scary. Don’t go all psycho. At least, right off the bat. Hook him in and then when you’re sure you two are good and solid… then you can slowly let your psycho out. Kidding.