We Need to Talk

We’ve all heard those words. 

The words that make our brains go haywire, our hearts drop to our butts and our stomach flutter up. 

Usually, it’s never in a good way though. 

This time, I was the one to say them. 

Thursday during the day, for those of you who know of the app, I snapchatted School Boy a picture of a pink VW bug because I thought it was funny. He replied back a few hours later with just a picture of his face with no caption. At that point, I was getting frustrated with him because we were barely talking and I still had hopes for him even though Mr. Nice Guy and I were progressing. So, I didn’t even bother to reply because I was mad at him. 

You can put captions with your picture, so it’s more of a reply back. You can also see when the other person has opened the snaps. 

Another few hours later, after no reply back to him, he snapchatted me again. Twice. 

One said that he misses me. The second said that he was sorry for being so cold shouldered to me. 

I said I missed him back and that it was okay. 

He said he’s been hurt a lot before so he’s really scared to get into a relationship or anything. At this point, I decided to text him because snapchats have a short word limit on captions. 

In a nutshell, I told him I wasn’t sure exactly how he’s been hurt before except for the ex that kept them a secret from everybody and then also cheated on him, but I wouldn’t hurt him. I’m not afraid to show the world if he was my boyfriend. I told him that in an argument I’m not going to just bail out on him. Also that sometimes in love and life you have to take risks because you can’t live sheltered otherwise you’ll never find something great. I also brought up that I’ve been hurt so many times by guys so much that I want to punch every single one of them in the face but I’m still trying. 

And then I dropped it on him. I told him that even though I like him, I can’t wait around forever. I told him that I came second choice to my ex for so long, I can’t be that anymore. I said I’m not an option to anybody and that I deserve so much better. 

He came back with an apology. He said he knows he’s being tough with me and he does like me, but he’s scared and he wants to make time to hang so we can try and figure this all out. 

That was pretty much the end of that conversation, after I agreed and said thank you. 

Sunday night, Mr. Nice Guy got really upset and down when I said him and I might not work out due to long distance and I told him I’d have to see our physical connection first. 

I realized talking to these two guys needs to come to an end really quick. 

I texted School Boy Sunday and told him we needed to hang out soon. He agreed. I then asked when and assured him that I’m not rushing or forcing him into a relationship, that I’ve just been waiting a couple months since he’s gotten back home and nothing has happened. I told him we either need to see some progress or I’m not waiting around anymore. 

He told me he understands it’s not fair to keep me waiting, so he promised sometime this week by Friday we’ll hang out. 

It’s now Wednesday night and he hasn’t brought it up, but we have been talking today. 

I’m torn between feelings about him. 

On one hand, it seems really flaky and like he’s not interested at all. 

But if that’s true… why has he bothered to hold on this long? He does seem to want to work things out and see what we can do or where we can go from here. He flirts back with me.

School Boy does have more in common with me than Mr. Nice guy, though. He would also fit in better with my family. School Boy also happens to be pretty much down the street from me and Mr. Nice Guy is going to be living in San Francisco, five to six hours north and driving down here on his spare time.  

The problem is, I know how Mr. Nice Guy would be in a relationship and he’s very loving and caring. I don’t know how School Boy is going to be, so I want to give him a chance and find out.

If we can ever hang out, that is. 

I just don’t know. 

What I do know is, I need to figure this out really quick otherwise it’s going to get messy dealing with the two boys and one of the three of us is going to end up extremely hurt. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

The “L” Bomb

Some may think the “F” bomb is bad. 

They get all worked up and mad. 

Personally? That’s just another part of my vocabulary and the explosion of that bomb is quite tiny. I drop it sometimes… especially in parking lots. Don’t even get me started. 

I was going to park in a spot in my college parking lot, which quite frankly, is a bitch to park in because there is rarely a spot especially when I have to park. That really sucks because I have bad parking lot road rage. My best friend knows to just sit in her seat, not saying anything, but busting up laughing at me. It gets intense and I get heart palpitations (not really). So, this lady almost backs her car into me from five cars in front of me, and then continues to pull into the spot I had my blinker on for and was ready to pull in. 

The best part? She’s a mom waiting to pick up her kid. With no parking permit. 

She doesn’t even go here. (For those of who you get that reference, I love you.) 

I end up finding a spot facing her on the other side. She’s reading a damn book just sitting in her car. 

I hate you, lady. 

 

Anyways… back to topic! 

So, let’s talk about my Mr. Nice Guy. 

He has been amazing. I can tell he’s not absolutely too nice, because he’s opening up a bit more. I’ve seen more of his sexual side, and I have a feeling with the help of more experience he’ll open up even more. He’s starting to crack more jokes with me, although his lack of dirty jokes with me is kind of boring. 

I’m a big joker and I’m not so sure if he is. He says he only jokes around dirty with his guy friends because he feels it degrades girls, but he’ll try to do that with me. I don’t feel it’s degrading because personally, I do it all the time. 

My birthday is coming up and he’s been searching to get me a present. I had revealed to him maybe a week or so ago, that I own a sex toy for my personal use. It didn’t bother him at all. I was afraid it might be TMI or something for him, but he took it fine. 

So we were on the phone talking the other night. 

He revealed to me, partly because he was curious and because I had told him I had one, that he made his way to the sex toy section of Amazon and was thinking about getting me a new one. 

Needless to say my mouth completely dropped. I went a bit speechless, actually. A part of me was kind of turned on for him taking initiative with that and being secure enough to buy a girl a dildo. Some guys get so weird and insecure about it. However, he didn’t buy it because he didn’t know what I wanted. At least he had the courtesy of not trying to choose for me. I confessed to him that I had been searching up on Amazon for a new one recently, but didn’t end up buying one. He then offered to get me one if I wanted. He would get me anything I wanted. 

Let me tell you, this guy is amazing. He offered to take me out to an expensive restaurant for Valentine’s day while he’s home before he leaves to San Francisco, but I told him I didn’t want him to spend all this money on me. So, instead I came up with an idea. This is probably might end up being the first time we kiss. And that means his first kiss. So, in an attempt to make his first kiss absolutely amazing for him, I want to take him to this hidden spot on a trail near some housing that overlooks the city lights and a tiny little pond. 

Romantic, right? I try. 

Anyways… there is kind of a problem. 

He’s dropped the “L” bomb on me. 

That to me, is kind of a big explosion. He dropped it a couple weeks ago actually, just haven’t had the chance to blog about it. He started saying it a while ago, just kind of playing around, I thought anyways. I asked him what he meant when he first started doing it and he said he meant it out of “admiration”. Whatever that really meant. So, I dropped it. 

Then, recently he’s been saying it more and something in my head clicked. I realized I really needed to ask what he meant by that. 

Well. He loves me. 

Loves me. 

Turns out, way back a few years ago in high school, I was in my sophomore year in PE and he was a senior being a teacher’s assistant. That’s how I know him. We always talked during class and all that. Apparently, he had a crush on me then and thought I was pretty. After he graduated, we didn’t talk until September. He said it took a while to get those feelings and finding me attractive back because it’s been so long since he felt that way, but somehow they happened again. 

He said he loves the girl I’ve become and I’ve grown up so nicely. 

I’m just shortening what he said when he answered my question, but it was all very, very, very sweet. It kind of made me speechless with everything he said and I don’t get speechless often. 

However… that makes me very nervous and honestly? It made me scared a little bit. It almost made me retract from him, but I didn’t.

He told me that I didn’t need to say it back and he understood if I don’t feel that way yet. He just wanted to express his feelings to me. 

He’s way more invested in this than I am. I told him I couldn’t love somebody just through talking on the phone/texting. I need a physical connection and we need to establish that first before I even have a chance at falling in love with him. 

A few days after me asking him that, he asked me how badly I wanted us to work. 

I told him in all truthfulness, long distance is extremely hard. I know he’ll drive down as much as he can, but still. I also told him that we’re going to need to hang out more and see if there is a physical connection there. So… we’ll see how that goes. 

Yikes.

Ay yi yi. 

I almost wish he had dropped the “F” bomb. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

What Makes Me Tick

I realize most of you know who I am. What you may not know though, is that you’ve only touched the surface on who I am and what makes me tick. I thought that I’d write a blog and try to give you a just a little glimpse into the deeper parts of me and let you get to know more of me. Just some of the things that make me tick, some that make me who I am, what makes me smile, what makes me cringe. 

I’m not just one handful, I’m two. I’m part handful of sugar, and the other handful is spice. 

First off, my name is actually Katie. 

Hi, my name is Katie and I have a Starbucks and Pinterest addiction. 

(Hi, Katie.) – insert random group people here. 

I have no idea where to start. There’s so many ins and outs with me, to be honest with you. I feel things in my heart and that is where I lead from 100% of the time even if I shouldn’t. I don’t listen to my head, ever. It’s gotten me in bad situations but my heart rules over everything. When my heart feels something, it burns, yearns, craves, wants and desires whatever it is. Then, of course, there’s the little nagging in my head questioning everything. Every. Single. Detail. Because that’s who I am. 

But do I always listen to it like I should? Noooo, of course not.

It leads me to trouble sometimes, but hey… a good story always comes out of it!  

Although, I can’t say that doing that bugs me. As bad as it may be, I’m the person that gives you advice to follow your heart, not your head. What you truly really want, the thing that makes you the happiest, will be found in your heart. Your head is just there to either scare you, stop you, or make you rationalize things. However, life isn’t always rational. 

In my opinion, life is one of the most irrational things. It very rarely makes sense, which is why it doesn’t make sense to try and make sense and rationalize it. Make sense? That’s my philosophy anyways. 

While at the same time that my heart is so passionate and when it craves something it does so very hard, it’s also very indecisive. I’m passionate about life, love, and adventures but if my heart doesn’t feel strongly about something then chances are it never will. 

I’m a fighter when I’m mad and I’m a lover when I’m loving. 

What I mean by that is, I am very much both sides. I don’t fight about just anything or everything, though. I can let the little things slide because we all have to pick our battles, right? But when there is something inside me that just snaps or hurts me enough it’s best you keep a safe distance because chances are I will go off. Very, very few people have seen this side of me. It comes out very little, but when it does it comes out full force. Most people think I’m this innocent little thing, but if you cut deep enough… I know how to cut back deeper.

I’m a Pisces, so I feel a thousand different emotions all at once. I don’t like going off on people and being harsh, but I can and I will if I feel provoked enough. You get me going and it’s hard to stop sometimes because I just let it all out. 

I also happen to be pretty independent and stubborn. I like to have my alone time, where I can get away to a place where nobody else is and just relax and unwind. This is how I recharge myself. When I say I want to be alone, I mean it. Some people don’t get that hint and don’t give me that. That’s something that stresses me out and makes me feel suffocated. When I told my ex I needed to be alone and needed space when we broke up, he kept harping on me for answers that I didn’t have. He wouldn’t leave me alone. After a while, a while of feeling suffocated, stressed and angry at that… I shut down. I stopped texting him back, I wouldn’t answer him and I felt so much better. If you let me have my space, it’s almost guaranteed that I will come back and talk to you and everything will be handled calmly. But if you don’t, I get really testy because of how anxious and suffocated I feel and I will get mad. 

I don’t need somebody to be with me every single day, all day. In fact, I hate that. I hate when people are needy and clingy especially in relationships. I need my space to do my own thing and you can do your thing and we can each have our own life, while at the same time having OUR life. Let me do me, and you do you and it’ll be perfect. I encourage boys night in or out, I encourage hanging out with friends and doing whatever you want to do (of course, to the extent of knowing the relationship boundaries) but I’m not going to keep a guy pent up with me. It’s so much more attractive to me when a guy has his friends and I have mine and it’s also very attractive when we can bring them together. I like to have my girls night and do my own thing, too. If a guy wants to be all up on me all the time, I’m going to get irked because I hate that. Absolutely hate it. It’s nice you want to be with me and I want to be with you, but come on… everybody needs their own lives and time away from each other.

I don’t need to be taken care of 24/7 and have things done for me all the time. I may be a girl, but I’m very stubborn. If I have my mind set on finishing something, or solving something like say… a puzzle or god knows whatever else, let me do it. I don’t want the help, I want to figure this out on my OWN, unless I ask for help. I’m the type of person that if I ask for help on something, it’s usually my last resort and you know I really want it. 

I want a guy to be dominant though at the same time. I know I’m a lot to handle so I need a guy to tell me when I’m being stubborn or stupid. This is something hard to explain. There are certain times to just leave me, and other times to give their input. I can be a little fiesty, sassy and cheeky but I don’t do it to be rude, mean or bitchy at all. Just challenge me a little bit. I need to be challenged a little bit, otherwise I get bored.

While on the flip side, I’m a strong lover. I’m very cuddly, I love affection and my hand held. My guy is my guy and I don’t share with other ladies. He’s the guy that will get the most attention out of any other guy I talk to. I’ll cook for him even though I don’t always like cooking. I’ll try things for him, in the bedroom and wherever else. I’m open and laidback so I don’t see the harm in trying new things, because you never know. I’m not narrow minded in any way. I’m always all ears and absolutely encourage him to come to me with full honesty at any time. There’s a time for romance, and there’s a time for getting down and dirty. I’m an amazing friend, but an even better lover in the bedroom.  I will take a bullet for somebody I love strongly, without question. Even if I’m having the worst day, or going through some trouble, I will put a smile on my face and you’d never know. I’ll help you with your troubles without even asking to help about mine, and I do it without expecting anything in return. 

My best friend… you don’t mess with her, I have her back like nobody’s business. Her and I are a crazy packaged deal. She’s my soul sister and her and I share a crazy bond. 

If there’s an argument I’m not the type of girl to bail out. We’re gonna calm down and then work it out, because an argument doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. I’ll be his rock, his shoulder, his lover and his best friend. I can hold the weight of his problems and I’ll do it gladly and I insist on it. I’ve got his back no matter what. But like I expect from him, I’ll tell him when he’s being out of line. 

There is no the guy wears the pants or the girl wears the skirt in my relationship. We’re both equal and we both have equally as much say in everything. I won’t push a guy around and I won’t take it if he pushes me around. 

Humor is one of the fastest, easiest ways to my heart. You know I like you when I can tease you and joke around with you and I absolutely love it when a guy, or anybody in particular is the same way. I can take the jokes about myself because I joke around about myself all the time. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? 

I have a very dirty, sarcastic, corny, dry, sick, awkward, punny sense of humor. I’m pretty much all over the board. I hate it when a guy is stuffy and can’t joke around, especially when I can’t joke about him to him. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. I could never date a guy who couldn’t joke back just as fast and openly as me. I don’t joke around to the point of making somebody feel bad about themselves at all, but I do joke around. It is so unattractive, almost a turn off actually, if a guy doesn’t joke around with or tease me. 

Arrrrrgh. I get turned off just thinking about it! I want a person to challenge me with his humor, because mine is so strong at times as well. I like to laugh my ass off. If you can’t make me laugh my ass off… there’s probably little to no chance that it’s going to work out. 

But my heart was made to love, I believe. Despite all the times my heart has been stomped on and thrown to the ground by people, I still always try to see the good. More than likely I will always forgive somebody, because life is too short to hold grudges our whole lives. It may take a little while, depending on the situation but I’ll get there. Sometimes I just want to be mad. We have emotions and we need to use them. People need to feel angry sometimes, to let it out. We need to feel angry and sadness in order to truly appreciate the happiness. 

I have a MAJOR soft spot for animals, romantic movies, chocolate, corny jokes… actually all jokes, cuddling, my hair being played with, coffee and when people get bullied or made fun of. My heart goes out to them because I know how it is. I know what it’s like to get made fun of and to be bullied. 

Especially girls who have eating disorders because that hits so close to home. You will never hear me call a girl ugly for being skinny. I have never said “oh my god, she’s so fat”. I HATE that. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE it. And when people make fun of overweight people when they see them at the gym or trying to work out?

Excuse me? You’re making fun of them for trying to get in shape? Who the hell do you think you are? They’re trying to be healthy. Everybody has to start somewhere. Don’t even get me started on this topic. 

When people make fun of people who have mental disabilities? Oh… my… god. They were born that way. Don’t make fun of somebody for something they can’t control. They didn’t choose to be like that. I worked in a county day class (which is a classroom at elementary schools for kids with disabilities) for a couple of years when I was in 4th-6th grade. They are honestly the nicest, sweetest kids and people I have ever met. They’re always so happy and so kind. 

I have tons of insecurities about myself, as most people do. But I don’t focus on them like I used to. If somebody doesn’t like me, I’m not asking you to stay. 

I’m very clumsy. It’s a good day if I don’t somehow manage to hurt myself.

I have my wedding dress picked out, my kids names picked out, my dogs names picked out… don’t judge.

When I’m nervous, I tend to smile and/or laugh.

My haven and place of choice would have to be driving in the car with the windows rolled down and the music blasting. That’s my therapy. It’s so calming. Which also brings up me loving to sing even though I absolutely can’t at all. I’ll still sing and I expect you to sing with me. That makes it even more fun. 

It’s really bad, in public I’ll start dancing or singing and… it’s just a hot mess. I do it naturally and sometimes I don’t even realize it. I just love to have a good time and laugh. I love adventures. We have to take them all the time. 

Sorry this post was so long! I hope all of you stuck it out to end, I’m sure it was a tough one to bare! Kidding! This just barely touched it all, though. Which is kind of the cool thing about me. When you think you know it all about me, there’s always more. This is just the beginning.

Stay optimistic, stay smiling, stay amazing and listen to your heart always and never forget to live your life with a bang. 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Caught Red Handed

Somewhere in me, will always be a soft spot for my ex no matter what. 

We will always have this burning love/passionate hate for each other I believe. We just have that type of relationship. And as of lately on his end, it’s been hate. 

I was having a weak time thinking about him. I had just missed talking to him, seeing as how he was my best friend for almost five years. I wanted to know what was up with him and how things were going. However, he responded with “Please don’t contact me ever again. I don’t want you in my life.” That kind of hurt, but I wasn’t really surprised so I didn’t bother responding. Maybe I deserved that for breaking up with him and how it all happened. 

I still had been having a weak time thinking about him… until yesterday.

I went to Starbucks with my best friend and as we were walking to go order our drinks I do a double take on a guy sitting at a table with his college books, backpack and school supplies. 

It turned out to be one of my ex’s old best friends. I hadn’t seen, talked to or hung out with him in probably two or three years. It was definitely kind of awkward at first, especially knowing my ex and him had a big falling out. Though, as my best friend and I sat down I talked to him to ease the awkwardness that was obvious in the air. 

The topic of my ex came up. I told him that I broke up with D back in July. I asked if he had heard from D lately or when the last time they talked was. 

One of their last fights was about a girl, apparently. A mutual friend, actually. A girl that at one point, I was pretty close with. A girl that told me she didn’t really like D. A girl that my ex’s friend tried to go after. 

Well, well, well. My ex got caught red handed because his friend spilled some new information to me. 

That girl had given D a blow job, and god knows what else during one of our break ups. I’ve got a bunch of mixed feelings about this. 

Normally, I would be extremely pissed and ready to blow except for the fact that this happened years ago. I knew they kissed, but that was all. The more I thought about it though, the more it bugged me. 

Does this girl know about girl code? I mean… come on. For one, she said she didn’t like him and would never go after him, for two her and I were really close. That’s just not right. 

So I texted her immediately because it needed to be cleared up once I found out this piece of information. She admitted to it, and then told me she thought for a little bit that she liked him. If my ex and I were together, shit would have hit the fan let me tell you. 

Speaking of my ex… let’s talk about him. Let’s talk about how he called me “dirty” and would never view me the same way after kissing a guy after I broke up with him. Can we just back up a second here? 

He has done shit with girls, how far he’s gone is obviously not known to me. But for him to call me dirty when he’s being free for all with girls while we were broken up? I don’t think so. Especially since this is not the first friend of mine he’s gone after. He’s messed up big time plenty of times, but I always forgave him just as I’m hoping he’ll forgive me. 

He even said so many times he hated her. He said she bugged the crap out of him, before they did their thing. There were a few times when he didn’t want me hanging out with her because he thought she was a “bad influence”. That’s after what they did. Thinking about it today, it made sense. 

He didn’t want me hanging out with her because he was afraid that she would spill the beans. 

Even though it all happened with her, I was never insecure about it. She is not cute AT ALL, she is a slut, she’ll pretty much have sex and blow any guy and is not somebody who you want to be in a relationship with her. If anything happened between them, not to toot my own horn, but she is definitely a down grade hands down and there’s no denying that. That’s why I never got mad at my ex for kissing her because quite frankly, I could care less. 

Wasn’t even mad, bro. 

I actually laughed when I first heard that news two or three years ago. 

I don’t want to bring it up with my ex because it’s not worth it to bring it up to him now, but I do hope somehow somebody tells him I know. He’s either going to feel like shit or not care because he hates me. 

I hope he realizes how much of a douche he can be. I really hope somebody tells him I know now. 

So much for me being the dirty one. 

Asshole. 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

For Beginners

I’ve decided to give my Mr. Nice Guy a chance. 

What have I got to lose? He’s an amazing guy, who honestly takes as much care of me as one can from a different state. He’s the sweetest, most caring, amazing guy I’ve ever met. 

There are a few… new to me, things about him that are kind of take me back a little bit by him. First off though, I’ll introduce you to him and give you a little background check, just for your pleasure! 

He’ll be turning 21 in June, so not too much older than I am. 

He is currently in the Air Force, at base in Texas. In the next couple of weeks though he’ll be moving to San Francisco so he’ll only be five to seven hours north of me.

He is an amazing guy with a great heart. I could not say enough good things about him, he’s seriously one of the best people in this world that I’ve met. I get the feeling he would be an amazing lover, just perfect and exactly that type of love a woman wants, ya know? The romantic, gentle, thrilling kind that every girl craves.

However… he has never been in a relationship, never even been kissed. I don’t want to be the one that corrupts him. I mean, that doesn’t really scare me off but I’m kind of nervous if we do work out, to be in a relationship with him as his first. I don’t want want him to latch on too much. 

Let’s be honest here, I’m not a girl for beginners. I am not innocent. I am kind of wild. I will never be tamed. I like to do my own thing and if you give me space I will love you and always come back, sometimes I just need to do things on my own because I’m stubborn. I’m scared of hurting him or breaking him if things weren’t to work out. I’m scared of being too much for him, but he does know a bit about what he’s getting himself into because I was very honest with him about how I am. So I guess we’ll just see where that leads. I’ll take it slow for him. The thing is though, he might be good for me. But I don’t want to change who I am at all. I’m kinda conflicted on this. 

Secondly, and I just found this out the other day. Maybe it’s that he hasn’t had any experience or what, but… he says he doesn’t want a girl to give him a blow job because he feels it degrades a girl. 

What? 

I’m kind of hoping that once he gets experience he’ll change his mind. He doesn’t seem as freaky as I am in bed, it probably is because he hasn’t had experience and I’m hoping that once he does get some he’ll change his mind. He would just be missing out on a whole world of pleasure for a guy. Sex is pretty much an animal showing of love, in my personal opinion. Sex is where you lose your inhibitions and just do whatever feels right and… well, you do ya thang. But that’s a whole other topic. 

I’m just going to feel this situation out and see what happens and all that, being very careful with him. I know he likes me A LOT, and I like him… I’m just nervous. 

I’m not a beginner’s type of girl. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Mr. Nice Guy

Now, more than ever I find myself wondering this one, certain question. It has been nagging at my brain for a couple of weeks. 

Why do girls always neglect Mr. Nice Guy? 

Why are we always drawn so much more to the guy with an edge, rather than somebody we know will respect us, cherish us, be loyal to us, love us and treat us like we deserve? 

I find myself doing this too, unfortunately. But why? 

The nice guys always end up getting friendzoned, which really sucks for them. And for us. 

We end up losing out on such an amazing guy, for a guy who is most likely just trying to use us. 

I’m so tired of being in the position of going for a guy only to find out he’s just like the rest and just like the rest, is going to dump me when either A) he doesn’t get the sex or B) got the sex and is now on to the next victim. I’m at the point where I’ve been treated like shit way too many times, even when I think they’re different. Like School Boy? I thought he was truly perfect for me personally. He had the right amount of everything and bonus point? He would fit in PERFECTLY with my family. He has everything I’m looking for. The respect, the humor, our shared love of mostly all music (which is hard to find these days, believe it or not), shared interests, the down to earth kind of vibe, and his looks are a bonus. However, I’ve tried to contact him once and saw he read the message and ignored it. I messaged him back after the last time he messaged me, also ignored it. Our conversing has gone from every day and then out of nowhere, once, maybe twice a day and now it’s nonexistent. Which is all after he dropped the bomb on me that he “likes me, but doesn’t want a serious relationship right now”. I’m not sure exactly what happened, because I thought first off we were friends but I don’t even know exactly what’s going on right now. 

It makes me really question if he really meant that. So, only time will be able to tell what he meant, if he actually meant that and what happens. There’s still a part of me that knows how well we would be together, but I’m not new on this situation and I know the most likely outcome will be I’ll be left in the dust, yet again. I was one step away from going off on him, asking why he is now ignoring me because I’m tired of that, but I decided against it for now. 

And then comes another guy. A guy I’ve been talking to as friends for months now. I believe I’ve talked about him before, actually. The one who’s never kissed or dated a girl? He came back recently from school for the Air Force and we hung out just as friends, and after he left back to base… I could tell things shifted a little bit. I can tell he’s kind of into me, just how much he’s into me I’m not sure. 

He’s a great, amazing, one of a kind guy. His heart is something to be envious of truly. His mind is in the absolute best place, he has extreme respect, knows exactly how to treat a woman, doesn’t have these high, impossible standards for women because he was raised with sisters and only by a mom, he’s caring, will try to cheer you up even if it’s the middle of the night for him and all these amazing things. 

Except… for me, he could possibly be too nice. 

For one, he isn’t a big fan of partying/doesn’t drink, and I like to do both. I like to have a good time, who doesn’t? I don’t need to drink to have a good time, but I do like to drink. That’s a big thing. 

For two, my personality is a bit crazy. I have a dirty sense of humor, actually a humor for most anything really, I can be a little loud, I’m not innocent and well I can be a bit cheeky. I need a guy that’s pretty… aggressive, and respectably dominant as a male in the relationship. I don’t want to be the more dominant one. I need a guy that can keep up with me. I don’t know that he can, whether it’s his lack of experience or what, and honestly? I wish he could. If he were a bit more aggressive I would totally be drawn to him. 

But this is why I’ve been asking myself about Mr. Nice Guy. I’m starting to question myself and wondering if I should give him a chance. He’s the type of guy who you would have NO trust issues with, and believe him 100%. 

Can I get over these differences? I can’t tone down who I am and will never be able to be with somebody who waters me down. 

Can I get over the fact that we don’t exactly like a lot of the same things? For example, I’m a fan of ghetto music. I like to have fun and a good laugh. He tunes that kind of stuff out because he believes it degrades women and all that. 

I’m also confused because I want to try it out, but I’m extremely afraid of hurting him if it doesn’t work out. I don’t want to get in the relationship, or even start really flirting and leading him on and then a few weeks later, find out it just isn’t working. This is a situation to tread lightly, but I’m not exactly sure how to. 

I’m very conflicted. 

Thoughts? 

Why are we less attracted to Mr. Nice Guy? 

Should I, should we, give him a shot? 

It could be worth the change. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?

It was just brought to my attention of a fellow blogger, that I hadn’t updated you guys on my love life. Particularly Hobby Lobby boy! 

Well, the sex was amazing, the laughs were amazing, he was amazing, we had a chemistry and it was all good. There wasn’t much going wrong, except for one thing. 

We barely talked. I mean, when we were together it was more of him talking. Something about me just didn’t open up as fast with him as it did with School Boy, so there was a bit of a lack of communication. Something that just didn’t flow right out on that aspect. It probably could have been worked on. 

However, the weekend before Christmas was the last time I actually talked to him. We texted the Friday before Christmas and everything was fine and good. After that I didn’t text him because I wanted to see if he would text me. He didn’t. I texted him Christmas saying merry Christmas and… no reply. So, there was no talking after that. 

I didn’t push anything because I thought maybe it was a sign to see where things led with School Boy. I took it as a good thing. Though, every so often I’ll think of him and the chemistry that we had together and I miss that. I just don’t want to go “running” back to him and seem desperate.

Which then leads me to School Boy. Things were going great and now not so much. I’ve barely talked to him these past few days, haven’t at all today and we’ve talked almost every day since the start.

I’m thinking maybe I should invest in a few cats. Cats never hurt anything. I don’t have any allergies, nor boys for that matter. Kidding, I’m more of a dog person anyways. 

But, before I take the drastic, life changing decision of getting a cat… my next step will be to sign up for a dating site since all the boys within a twenty mile radius are shit heads. A free one, though, of course. Who wants to pay to find love? Not me, that’s for sure! 

Also kidding about that! 

Maybe. 

I saw a shooting star the other night. Those things always give me hope that something amazing can happen. Even though I’m not sure if I really believe in all that stuff, I will never fail to make a wish anyways if I feel I have a wish I want at the moment. Just in case. 

Oh, wherefore art thou, Romeo? 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Instincts

I don’t know what it is about me, but I’ve always gotten gut feelings about things. There are these hunches that fill me when I sense something is going on. I couldn’t tell you how or why it happens, but it does. I also happen to be a very good people reader and vibe off of them. Sometimes I’ll be more quiet in front of other people, but then other people I’m outgoing right off the bat. 

I’ve always been this way. I can always tell when something is wrong with someone. It’s just so easy for me to pick up on people cues. 

When I get the gut feelings and hunches, they don’t go away until I try to figure out what it is. I’ll just get them randomly sometimes, or have picked up on very subtle clues that people send out. No matter what people tell me, the feelings are still there, though. Sometimes I’m wrong, but more often I’m right. 

Take for one example, my ex. He likes to play online games on the computer, and in one of his games there was a girl. There was just something about this girl that didn’t sit right with me. He’s had other girl friends on the games, but this one seemed fishy. There wasn’t really anything she actually did or talked about with my ex that stood out to me that I can remember. Maybe she seemed the tiniest bit flirty, but I can’t recall. So, I remember my ex telling me she broke up with her boyfriend. My ex seemed to be there for her a lot, which I knew as a red flag to girls. 

There’s no denying that if a guy is constantly there for a girl, reassuring her, helping her, picking her back up after a break up… she is going to develop some type of feelings for him. I’m not saying it’s always the case, but sometimes it is. They exchanged phone numbers and began texting. She started becoming really close with him, too close for my comfort being as I had a strange feeling about her. I told him this, and he didn’t listen. I said that she was going to fall for him and it wouldn’t be good because then she’d be let down and it’d make things worse. Instead he got mad at me, and along with a couple other few very minor problems we were having, he decided to break up with me. So we broke up and I was devastated. However, like with most of our break ups… he came running back when he realized he was wrong. 

After we got back together, he spilled some information. During our breakup, the girl admitted to my ex that she liked him. That was his first issue with her. The second one, was that she wasn’t actually a “she”. She, in fact, was a guy who had a crush on my ex. I couldn’t help laughing in my head because my ex never listened to me, and even after that he didn’t. 

This is just one of the many times that I’ve sensed something going on. 

So, as School Boy and I were at a stand still for a while… I started feeling like there was something off here. I mean, I got that he wanted to take things slow, but this was going a bit too slow. So, one day I point blank asked him what he wanted out of us. I have grown so used to guys saying they like me, but only wanting the sex. I asked if he wanted just sex or if he was looking for an actual relationship. 

I knew something was up. 

It wasn’t anything bad, but still not what I wanted to hear. He told me that he did like me, he just isn’t sure if he wants a serious relationship right now. 

I’m not even sure what to make of that information. It makes my stomach drop. All I can do is hope for the best and hope that he changes his mind. 

I’m trying to stick to it, though. I’m not letting this one go because he’s unlike any of the other guys I’ve talked to lately. I’m not going to rush this, because great things take time and when it’s right… if it’s right, it’ll happen. 

There’s this quote I’ve heard that always sticks in my head: 

If you have chemistry, you only need one thing – timing. But timing is a bitch. 

With all the love in my body, 

whiskeyinateacupp xo

 

 

How To Get Over an FWB

For those of you who don’t know, an FWB is a “friend with benefits”. I’m sure we’ve all had them, and while we did we cherished those moments so. You were getting your craving out of the way, while not being tied down and having all the works of a relationship. Some may say it’s the best thing you can do in life.  

However, like all our parents warned us, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. 

Like most kids, though, do we ever really take our parents’ advice? Nope. 

It really is all fun and games in the beginning. You think you’re ready for this and you can do it. After all, it’s just sex… right? 

So for a while, things are going great. But then you find yourself sitting in a bubble bath with your little rubber ducky friend, horribly singing along to a song. Suddenly, certain lyrics come out of the song. As you sing them, they register in your brain. The lyrics start sinking in, oozing to the depths of your brain. 

You’ve come to a realization. 

It isn’t just sex anymore. Was it ever really just sex, though? Was there a little part of your brain that wanted to be more? Maybe you thought sex was better than not having a relationship at all? So you convinced yourself that it was okay and you could handle just being a friend with benefits. 

That isn’t the case, though. It doesn’t work like that. There’s more to it there on your end than there is on their end and inevitably it’s going to end bad. They just don’t feel the same way. They see it as what they’ve thought you’ve always seen it as: just sex. 

The feelings will remain there for a while, trust me.

It’s going to suck as much as a girl on her period not getting that damn chocolate. 

I’ve been there, done that. Tried to convince myself that I could be an fwb to a guy I had feelings with, just so I could in any way be with him. However, in the long run that resulted me taking my anger out with my knife and jelly on a piece of bed. He’s a long story. 

But I’m here to tell you, it’s possible to move on. Or at least subside those feelings so that you don’t end up exploding on him. Especially if he’s with his new girlfriend. That could end very, very bad. Either for him, me, her or all three of us. 

Here’s what you need to think about. You belong in a relationship with somebody who isn’t going to lie to you and/or just use you for sex. Sure, if really all you want is sex then go for it. On the other hand, if you want more than sex, it really isn’t going to work. 

They don’t see you that way right now, and it’s best to reevaluate your thoughts. Don’t put yourself in that position where you answer every booty call, and when you return back to your own bed you feel sick. You feel sick knowing you would do anything for that person and be there for them no matter what. You feel sick because you know they don’t see you like that. To them you’re just a sweet, tasty doughnut. Something that’s nice every once in a while and only when they’re craving it. 

You deserve a relationship where the feelings go both ways. Don’t string yourself along hoping for the best. As hard as it’s going to be, you have to cut yourself off from them. When you realize you have the power in your hands to say no to being their booty call only when they want it, it will be amazing. Don’t make them a priority when you’re only an option. It’s not worth the pain and heartbreak, trust me. 

It’s all fun and games until you end up in a jail cell for getting caught keying his car when you find out he has a whole different girl on the side. 

Nobody wants to be sitting next to “Olga” with the big, scary Sasquatch sized everything and that deep as a mofo voice. That’s scary. Watch out, she’s looking for a cuddle buddy and you’re the next on her list. 

So, just remember that you will find a guy who will want to be in an actual relationship with you, your rubber ducky and your horrible singing.

Sometimes you have to get rid of the old so you can make room for the new.

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo

Your Compass

There are days and nights where I just feel like why do I even bother? Why do I even bother with certain things, or things in general? Sometimes, it all feels like wasted effort. I try so hard on my end to make people happy, to try and make them smile or laugh and sometimes I’m never sure if it works. I get so little feedback that I have no idea if I’m doing anything right or if it’s working. I’m not a person that needs constant affirmation, but hell, something every now and then would work. I get in depressed moods every now and then, just like tonight and it sucks. I feel so lost in everything and I just want to curl up in my bed and stare blankly at the walls wondering what the hell I’m doing wrong. 

I have to keep myself occupied because the thoughts I have drive me crazy and up the walls. My mind works in every way all at the same time. There’s no off switch for it, and it’s like this all day unless I’m focused on something. Even then, I’ll be doing something and they come back. Like right now, for example. I’m writing this blog but at the same time I have a thousand different things going on in my head. When I look away from writing, or I stop, the thoughts just pound me. A thought of wanting to text my ex to see how he’s doing because I haven’t heard from him since Thanksgiving and I’m curious to see how he’s doing. But I know I shouldn’t and I’m trying to keep busy from doing that. I know the repercussions of that. It could start a fight between us or he might get upset. I don’t want either because quite frankly, I don’t have the energy for it. So I’m trying to keep myself busy. 

Another crazy thought I have is, School boy and I have been talking for a few months and it’s moved forward in certain aspects… but in a lot, it hasn’t. We haven’t seen each other in a month, but he’s had time for friends. I ask him every now and then when we’re going to hang out or do something, but I’m not going to nag him. There’s going to come a point where the ball is going to be in his court and I’m going to stop asking. I can’t be the only person trying. I know he’s said he likes me, and that he wants to take it slow because he’s been hurt a lot in the past, however there’s a little nagging in my head. Either that he’s not as into me as he says he is or my worst fear: he just wants sex. I’ve been lied to so many times by a guy saying he likes me, wants to take me out on a date and blah blah blah, just to have sex with me. I’m so over it. 

I know these thoughts are irrational probably, but it’s unfortunately how my brain works, especially if I’m in one of these “moods”. 

Sometimes, you just have to let your heart guide you wherever it takes you. I’m more of a feeler and lead by hunches, gut feelings and what my heart wants more than being a thinker who uses logical explanations. I keep telling myself that my heart will guide me where I need to be and where I’m at is where I’m supposed to be. 

There’s that saying “good things come to those who wait”. Well, I sure hope so. 

So let your heart, sweetheart, be your compass when you’re lost. – Lady Antabellum 

With all the love in my body,

whiskeyinateacupp xo